Basically the sister question of that other post here…
I tried to add my frustration there, but i think it’s suited here more. I’m a terrible candidate with no money, properties and almost zero social skills and that will never change. Even my own family thinks I don’t act like a human being. No wonder I’m eternally alone.
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Again?
No way. I see all sorts of guys paired up with women. All the time. I think your problem is YOU don’t like you, fix that first. Not just whine about what you don’t like about you (most of which is fixable, by guess who? You.). You seem to be caught in a loop of bullshit beliefs and trying so hard to get others to agree with them, when they are simply wrong.
Liking yourself isn’t a requirement to get someone. My problems aren’t fixable.
Your listed problems are fixable:
No money? Job.
No property? Job.
No people skills? Job.
I hope you understand now why I can’t save myself and just don’t try to attack me personally.
Not attacking. Not agreeing is not attacking. I wholeheartedly disagree. Nothing you have said here is unchangeable, and if you don’t want to change it, you must be getting some pleasure out of staying as you are.
I don’t, trust me. I wish I was born somewhere else and lived another life, but that’s not how the world works.
I had a job, didn’t fixed shit, if anything made me more miserable plus having a body in pain. And I’m low class so I’ll not go beyond that. I’m sure that if I had another job it wouldn’t fix my life right now either.
get someone
This one’s fixable lol, and I’d argue likeing yourself is the first requirement, if any. (
getbe with)That’s not true at all, my father never loved himself or believed in all the modern stuff about mental weakness, stone faced and scary dude yet managed to marry my mother for over a decade.
You would know better than I do. Everything I see here is internal, though—an amalgamation of the grievances some men might express online. If these issues are legitimate, you should seriously consider the advice you come across. If it helps you at all, then keep posting
Edit: I didn’t really give it much thought because I found it hard to believe that anyone could take these seriously. However, all you really need is confidence, which to me means loving yourself.
Well is not possible for me.
A lot of people on here have already admitted defeat or something. It’s honestly depressing. I forced myself out of my house, my heart pounding with anxiety each time for a short walk. But every time it got easier. Then I tasked myself with simply buying something in a shop. Just a small snack. It was terrifying at first, but it got easier. Then it was taking a bus into a city. I’d just wander around and not do anything but look at buildings, talk to nobody. Then I tried shopping. Then I tried finding events and observing them, sitting at the back and watching church services, etc. People would approach me to talk to me. I’d be terrified, but each time it happened it would get easier. I forced myself into a course and was terrified, I wouldn’t even leave the classroom. But then as each week passed I was able to go ten metres down the corridor to use the toilet. Eventually in a few years time I was able to go with classmates to a cafeteria. Then I was able to do a work placement and get a job.
It was painful. I envy people who can do something like this easily first try. But I do not regret it one bit.
“Touch grass” is a common snide remark. But I say literally, touch grass, be proud of yourself for it, and keep setting yourself little quests each time. It’ll work wonders.
Oh, and I did meet a girl, too. So that also counts for something 🤣
I’ve touched grass for almost 20 years, eating alone, walking alone, drinking alone, going to the movie theater, going to the arcade alone. IT DOESN’T WORK. I’m not going to do it anymore… That lonely walk back home when you realize you wasted your time destroys you, makes me wanna kill myself. I rather stay in my room safe.
If you aren’t like me you wouldn’t understand and I don’t expect you would understand, that’s ok. But I find insulting that you think people give up for no reason.
Did you ever talk to anyone
To the waiter and people there doing their job.
What did you talk to people about to suck the life out of them?
I didn’t. I just don’t talk I have “empty” as a talking argument. Because nothing happens with me and I’m not a generic functional adult.
Because very few people my age are on the asexual spectrum.
I don’t know who or where they are. Simple as that.
What’s with the old saying “There’s a nut for every bolt”? I keep seeing posts like this one here on Lemmy. I’m always unsure if that’s a statement, or asking for dating advice or a cry for help or venting. I mean not every person is into money. And social skills is something that can be learned. And being nice to people is a decision. Sure, being alone isn’t a nice feeling if you wish for something different. But I’m not sure if I’d phrase it that fatalistic.
I keep seeing posts like this one here on Lemmy. I’m always unsure if that’s a statement, or asking for dating advice or a cry for help or venting.
A lot of them are the same person. OP is a serial ban evader on like his tenth account over the last month. And he won’t take the hint that people don’t appreciate his venting, so he always makes these same incel-y forever-alone posts. He’s very easy to spot as a result.
Almost like they glow in the dark ;)
Edit: meaning I’ve noticed similar patterns too without trying
What do you suspect to be OP’s earlier username?
If that saying was true then people like me wouldn’t exist plus for what I’ve seen lonely men numbers keep growing. 10 years from now and the rest of the world will catch up with Japan and their own “young people don’t/can’t have families” problem.
What if someone like me is extremely bland, anti social and don’t wanna “grow up”? Is unfair that people like me can’t get anything, then again the world has been always unfair towards certain people. I just don’t see any exit.
If you don’t want to work on the things under your control, how is it unfair?
Some people are just incapable. That’s why it’s unfair.
What if someone like me is extremely bland, anti social and don’t wanna “grow up”? Is unfair that people like me can’t get anything, then again the world has been always unfair towards certain people
The thing you’re trying to get is romantic attention from another person. That person has to decide they want to give you that attention. It’s perfectly fair for each person to be able to make that choice.
What wouldn’t be fair would be a world where people were forced to be in romantic relationships with people they don’t want to be in. While that certainly happens, I think we’d prefer it never did.
What you’re talking about is individual choices. You need to make that a positive choice someone would want to make. If you don’t do that, why should they make it?
And that goes back all the way to my first point: Nobody wants a person like me. Which is sad, especially since I’m sure there’s way worse people out there with partners. Why not me? I hope you understand.
I’m sure there are plenty of people with the traits you listed out there for you. Unfortunately, they are probably shut-ins for the same reasons, so it would probably take some work to find them…
Yeah, the world is super unfair in general. Some people get life handed on a silver platter. Some have to work hard. And some don’t even get a chance. That’s not unique to dating but also applies to jobs, health, education, … practically everything. Life’s not fair to any of us. Never has been.
And btw, the situation in Japan and some other countries isn’t because men couldn’t get any women. It’s more they choose not to. They pursue other things.
They pursue other things because they know they are not capable to charm the other sex. That’s it, I’ve seen men in Japan being completely sociable inept. And a small minority basically isolated themselves from everything.
I don’t trust people, because of being let down by 100% of the people I ever trusted. It always seems so tempting to date someone, but then you find out 2 years later they never STOPPED sleeping with their ex, and now they’re pregnant.
Or you come to find out after 6 months that the reason she only wanted casual dating, is because you’re the guy on the side.
Or you find out after 4 years of living together that she only saw you as a way to pay bills, and never really loved you.
So now when I see a pretty girl on the street I just sigh, and wonder what bullshit she’d do. Instead of even saying hello.
I’d LIKE to date, but hell if I’m even going to be putting my heart and soul into it again. And if you’re not doing that, it’s not real love. And if its not real love, whats the point?
This whole game of love is a fucking joke, is basically rigged to fuck up people like us. Is honestly sad.
Been too busy with university and work to dedicate time to finding someone. Plus, I’ve been broke for a long time so no cash to hang out and do stuff. Now, I’m living at home helping my mom and dad now that both of them don’t work due to my dad having a condition and my mom helping him. So, yeah, got no time, money, or energy to bother looking.
I only did middle school and I wonder if my life would had been “better” if I went to college. I’m too dumb and weird for it, so I don’t see the point. Never had a dream or a direction as an adult so it doesn’t make sense to me.
Your mind is broken. Fix that shit. Get positive. Find a dream and direction, and go for it with everything you’ve got. Someone will see that passion and follow you. But you’ve really got to fix your mind, stop thinking so negatively about yourself. Positive self talk only. You are what you think, that shit becomes your reality. So think positive, dream up something big, and go for it. You only get to live this life once, don’t just sit there feeling bad for yourself, make this ride as interesting as you can for yourself, you are in control of it.
I really don’t see it, I’ve never been positive, is not my nature. And I’ve suffered enough.
Where is the suffering? It’s in your mind. I told you, get your mind right. Be the hero of your own movie…Haven’t you ever seen that video? Go search it in YouTube, be the hero of your own movie. Choose the one that’s just a couple minutes long. Watch it. And find another, search Arnold Schwarzenegger you can do it gym motivation. Watch those two videos. Reprogram your mind, it’s broken now. All your bad thoughts are just making your reality, it becomes true, you believe it. So change your thoughts, change your mind, and your life will start to change around you. It’s just a ride. Or a game. It’s just a fucking sandbox. Enjoy the ride. Have a good time. Dream big. Go big. Stop just wasting the one go around you get feeling bad for yourself. Envision what you want in this life, and then go get it. And enjoy the ride. It’s not that hard. Just get the mind right because it’s all coming from there.
I’ve seen all those videos, I grew up with Arnold movies FFS, I’m not him. I don’t have his qualities, I really don’t some people aren’t born like that. And fuck Joe Rogan, he mocks the things i still like.
The illusion of “is a game” doesn’t work for me, I’ve playing games for 25 years, I know the difference between what’s real and not, in a game you can try all the times you want, real life failure and humiliation destroys you. You can’t repeat anything. And this suffering isn’t just on my mind, I feel it on my heart. I don’t wanna dream big, especially since that won’t make me happy, my family never dreamt big yet my parents got married, eventually divorced but at least got their failed kid.
Listen to what I said. Reread everything you wrote. It’s in your mind. Stop being defeated. You’re finding an excuse for everything. Knock it off. Nobody can pull you out of your shit negative way of thinking but yourself. You’re wasting time. Your choice, listen to the advice everyone gave you, or drown in that fucking puddle you’re wasting away in. Your choice.
I have. 4 times, I am not finding excuses, just realise that not everyone is like you and not everyone is as lucky as you. And again fuck Joe Rogan, he’s a bully on steroids mocking things that I like. If anything I would feel weaker and humiliated following his videos.
I hate that guy.
I’m not in an appropriate position mentally for a relationship. One day I want to settle down and do the whole wife/kids thing but now’s not the time to get into anything.
Too busy. She’ll have to find me, I’m swamped over here.
This shit again?
If you are going to ask the question “why won’t people date me?” And then combatively respond to anyone who has answers or suggestions, then you shouldn’t post here. There is genuinely good advice in this thread, but this user is only looking for a pity party and attention.
If I asked “why do I always burn my dinner?”, but ignore the people who suggest setting the oven to a lower temperature, I’ve not only wasted their time but my own.
Abusive + overprotective mother growing up
Now I hardly have any feelings, let alone romantic ones, I associate the words “I love you” with danger, I actively avoid hugs because I never had that growing up… I could go on
Then she has the audacity to ask when she’s getting grandkids
Same, I barely feel anything, I’m a rock, a statue. Attractive or even average women want charismatic people or at least someone that can offer anything interesting to their lives. I know I’ll never be able to be that type of person.
But I have.
Schizoid Personality Disorder.
…probably. I don’t have a diagnosis or anything.
(Honestly, I’d love to see [email protected] take off and be a thing. The SzPD community on the Snoo website of which we do not speak used to be pretty great. Not sure if it still is or not. I don’t go there any more. Maybe I ought to be the change I want to see in the world.)
I also never felt like I belonged anywhere, always thinking I was some dude that just didn’t get the training on how to be a human that everyone else received. I used to be surprised that friends would know things about social matters like it was evident, but somehow I was completely 100% unaware of. I had trouble making friends all together, but was able to learn to program on QBasic on my own as a 12 y/o out of boredom. As I hit adolescence, I started to feel like a foreigner in my own family. I couldn’t wait to get out of that house. I was also pretty weird or sensitive about some things, yet completely fine with other things that people hated. Call to order delivery? Screw that, I’m staying hungry. It’s 90°F out? Don’t turn the A/C on in the car or I will get a headache.1.5k miles road trip by myself? Sure! Turns out I was just autistic and no one told me.
OP, you ever consider you might be autistic? Might wanna take some online questionnaires to check into it further.
I’m not. Even if I had some illness I don’t wanna know, it would kill me knowing that.
Working on me right now. It’s hard to see value in myself, so it’s impossible to understand why someone else would either. When I’ve learned to love myself, I’m sure it will be easier to see why someone else would too.
Trust me on this: the whole love yourself is bs. I’ve seen terrible people married and also people like my father that never loved himself yet managed to get married.
Have you ever looked into an ASD diagnosis? I always wonder about people who feel “alien, missing out on all the social skills others seem to know naturally”. Even if not diagnosed, I wonder if some of the therapies an ASD person with certain symptoms and characteristics would get could help.
Taking a walk or watching a movie alone won’t teach you social skills. If you’re missing social skills, find a therapist who will help you learn them.
I don’t have money dude and I’m an immigrant in Europe I can’t have those type of problems.
