Ah yes. The five nights at freddies skibidi toilet bidet.

How’s your back pain?

Nothing can kill the grimmace.

Everybody get naked!

…are those seriously 5lbs dumbells??? I’ve never understood who would get any gains from 5lbs. Why do they even exist???

“But why human? Why have you done this to me?”

“Hahahaha, look at the cute puppy!!! Hahahaha!!!”

Why do linux games not support anti-cheat?

No no no. That’s not how campaigning actually works. You need quick sound bytes, and promises that sound good if you don’t ever think about them. They don’t even have to be true. They just need to make the voter feel good. Just quick promises that can be said in 2-3 seconds, and doesn’t require you to think. Once you try to introduce free thought and critical thinking into politics the whole concept of elections falls apart if your whole agenda is to herd the masses.

Which is why if you elect me president, I promise that no more airplanes will be used to hit the twin towers. Also bacon.

Back in 1997 there was a storyline in WWF with a professional wrestler named Bret Hart.

Bret is a Canadian. And the storyline was that he was a bad guy in the USA, because he bad mouthed USAs healthcare, and treatment of veterans.

He was a good guy everywhere in the world EXCEPT the USA.

He said things like “Back home in Canada, we still act like decent people. Where we take care of the sick, and the elderly. We honor our veterans who served our country. Not like here where you dump them in the streets and spit on them as they suffer. I can’t wait to get back to Canada. A real country to be proud of. Not this fascade of an image that your country tries to project. All men are created equal, huh? Kind of hard to take that seriously, when the quotes author was a slave holder.”

Yeah. Professional wrestling was WILD in the late 90s. But I bet you thought it was just muscle roided beefy boys beating their chests and shaking the ropes, huh?

My point is, we’ve NEVER taken care of our own people. Even a professional wrestler 30 years ago could see that.

raises hand

Literally in the top 1% of karma users in 2023. Banned in 2024 for…

checks notes

…posting a comment that my bike was stolen when I was 7.

Reddit claims the ban was done by a human. However I just cannot see a human looking at the post I got banned for, and saying “This guy deserves to get banned”.

My best theory, based on the timeline, is that they offered me a presale enter IPO offering before it went public. At the time I was on cancer treatment, and had $0 income, with my two sisters and mom paying for my apartment.

I had no ability to buy an IPO.

3 days after it went public, I still didn’t own stock, and was banned. Because I said my bike was stolen 30+ years earlier.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa!

Cheeses? Meats? Sandwiches? AND a wife??? Buddy! Stop bragging! Next you’ll tell me you own a home and have no debt!

…this is one of those things where even if he does this, and even if he does the right thing in the end, FUCK HIM FOR BRINGING US TO THIS POINT TO BEGIN WITH!

Remember in 2020 when he tried to blackmail Zelensky into giving up info on Biden? Remember in 2016 when he kept trying to say “wouldn’t it be great if we were friends with russia?”?

I remember all that shit. I remember him on twitter praising the russian advances.

But now it’s time for lepards to eat faces. So putin is out. Musk is out. Anyone is out, even if he used to be besties with them. It’s all just a power grab. It’s all bullshit. Fuck trump. Even if he does send the missiles.

God damn russia! A few weeks ago you hit 1 million. Now I see you tacked 32k more on. What, are you shooting for 2 million??? This isn’t like a youtube subscribers list. These are human lives, and you’re throwing them away as if they were as useless as a blockbuster membership card.

Part of me is convinced this a joke for one guy, switching between two accounts, just laughing to himself. Like it’s some kind of inside joke. And by “inside” I mean “inside his own head”.

kicks you in the balls

Yes.

Want to be friends, but then never talk? Like ever?

“Outside? No thank you. I have warmth, and love, and HUMAN, ARE YOU MAKING MY FOOD YET??? Oh yes, and servants. I have everything I could ever want. They even clean my poop.”

"keep him, we realised a while ago we shouldn’t have gotten a pet in the first place”

Usually when someone is a bad parent, I call for them to be spayed or neutered. But how can we prevent this dipshit from ever having another pet???

I feel like that person shouldn’t be allowed to have ANY pets. You don’t just abandon animals in the street.

There needs to be a list. If you abuse or abandon animals, Andre the giant shows up and eats you.

I don’t know the logistics of how it would work, especially since Andre the Giant has been dead since 1993, but I’M STILL WORKING ON IT!!!

Prison isn’t designed for rehabilitation. It’s designed for legalized slavery.

I used to see my cat do this. She’d look at me, as if to ask permission to hunt the bug. And I’d always say in a playful voice “Git dat bug! Get em! Didja get em??? Get dat bug!”

Which I’m glad she always “asked”, because one time a bee flew in. And she gave her little look and meow that said “get him?” And I was like “NOOOOOOOO!!!” and grabbed her collar. Then I said “Thats Frank. We don’t get Frank. We open the window, and let Frank go, because he’s good for the environment! Also he will stab you.”

And then my cat said “Wow! You sure do make a lot of friends when you leave the house every day for roughly 10 hours, AND NEVER INVITE ME OR BRING ME!!! Then sometimes you come home smelling like other cats? You think I don’t notice? Yeah I just don’t say anything! But now you’re bringing psychopaths into my home??? No no no sir! This has gone too far! You got some explaining to do mister!!!”

And then Frank said “Excuse me, fine lady and sir. I seem to have gotten seperated from my colony and daily life of having sex with flowers. Could you by chance help me by opening this window a tad? I would be most gracious!”

So then my cat said “I thought you said he was a stabber?”

And Frank said “Only in self defense, fair lady! For I am but a humble bumble bee. I make honey with my bisexual bee bois. We have a whole nest just out past yonder.”

And then the duck said “Quack quack!”

And I said “When did we get a duck?”

I don’t know about now, but back in the 90s the magical out was that you punched them in the face.

Back then the concept of a school shooting didn’t exist, and parents didn’t threaten to sue the school every 5 minutes.

So teachers would just let the fights go.

“Oh, Billy tried bullying Bobby, and now Bobby punched Billy in the face? Eh…call me when they break bones and spill blood. I’m going to go make popcorn.”

These days? I’m sure both kids would get expelled.