My husband of 17 years is a judge. Recently multiple people have come out publicly with their stories about my husband because all the complaints they have filed with the Council which deals with this have been ignored throughout the years - no investigation opened. My husband has always kept me in the dark about his work - finances, so let’s just say I have my reasons to believe the allegations. The most horrific one I’ve heard is my husband ruled that a 12-year-old consented to having sex with an adult (legal age of consent at the time was 15 in our country), so there was no conviction. The accused in this trial was wealthy. I didn’t know about this until now. Frankly I’m completely disgusted with him.
Yeah I’d certainly leave anyone who claims a 12 year old consented to sex with an adult, especially if they were the judge
You already know what to do. You just need the strength to do it.
It’s time to get close to the people around you, and let them know you need their support. Because you’ll need it, but you need to do what you need to do.
That’s rough. I’d start with having a calm and truthful conversation, clearly establishing your worries and feelings and go from there.
Yes, but. Be prepared. Financially, mentally, and with the right information. You cannot know what will happen in this conversation.
Why? He has never once shared anything about his life, job, or finances with OP. Why would he start?
But also shame on OP for never knowing about their finances either.
nope! Get some therapy, JESUS
I think your comment is being misinterpreted, what exactly do you mean?
I would need therapy to process how awful the person I thought I knew is! 17 years then this? They have to be utterly reeling!
Thats what I thought^^ I guess ppl think you were insulting OP
that mental health stigma tho. “Go to therapy” shouldn’t be an insult!
No, you worded it in a way that was easy to interpret that you thought OP had issues that required therapy instead of being upset at the husband. Not because it was implied that it was an insult that someone might require therapy.
MY partner? Yes! I trust her explicitly. But it sounds like you’re not in the same position.
Just remember that people in powerful positions can have powerful people frame them for not being corrupt. So, maybe it’s true and he’s done some shady shit. Or maybe a wealthy property developer isn’t happy that he won’t play along and give the ruling that he wants, so he decided to destroy your husband. It sounds like you need to talk to your husband.
I’d be gone.
Yeah fuck that guy, make him your ex-husband stat. Thats pretty unforgivable.
Overuse of the word ‘unforgivable’ is unforgivable.
Did everyone see the comment where she explains that he has a history of letting pedophiles off?
That sounds pretty damn unforgivable to me.
I’d want to hear his side too, but it’s likely he’ll lie if it’s true. It may be true allegations, it may be false, I don’t know what evidence you have.
Taking just one case, say the one you mentioned, I see 2 possibilities. Either he was bribed, which I’d be inclined to believe if there was more history of corruption, which sounds like may be the case, or he was threatened.
If he simply did it for money, nope. It’s try to gather some more evidence to publish and get the fuck away from him. If he has this little empathy, you may be in some danger too.
If he did get threatened, that would depend on the threats, but again, sounds like the less likely possibility.
The way he argued that ruling was that since the act happened multiple times and the victim didn’t tell her parents / authorities, wasn’t physically abused / no signs of physical coercion, isn’t distraught, dressed “inappropriately to seduce him” and behaved affectionately around him, we can conclude that the act was consensual & instead of rape it was classified as sex with a minor - 3 years suspended sentence; so no prison time. This one isn’t an allegation, it’s the actual court ruling. And there is a pattern.
He’s empathetic to pedophiles.
Let’s think about that for a minute.
There’s something inside him that’s making him think “Yeah, I can understand how that could happen.”
I would not trust him alone with children.
Honestly, I would rather find out that my spouse had been taking bribes from a mob boss.
Not only that, but the argument for the ruling is not based in law. There’s an age of consent, and below that the judges can’t just decide consent themselves - it’s set as nonconsensual from the start. My husband completely ignored the law and set himself above it by establishing it himself. Obviously the family’s lawyer said this is nonsensical, we have to appeal. Well, they tried and it got dismissed.
I’m very confused, though. If there is an age of consent, and anything below that age is rape, then why is there a charge for “sex with a minor,” a supposedly lighter charge? It seems like the law does distinguish between forcible and statutory rape (though in cases of children it shouldn’t) and your husband leaned toward the latter.
To be clear, I am not arguing that getting a lighter sentence or believing a 12-year-old can consent to sex with an adult is anything but rape. I’m just stating that your country may have a legal separation between the two that your husband might have followed and still been within the law.
That is if I’m reading what you’ve written correctly.
Because back when this case was ruled the age of consent in our country was 15, as I’ve said, but the age 13-15 had specifications that it can, in certain situations, be argued that it’s not rape, but sex with a minor (so implying that the minor had some ability to consent). More clear: under 13 - always rape. 13-15: sex with a minor if the judge sees fit; semi-consent ability. 15+ - ability to consent with anyone. So the establishment of consent by a judge at 12 was outside the law. Now the laws have changed and absolute minimum is 14 (max 4 year age gap), and 16 for unrestricted consent.
Oh, well that sounds completely outside the law and completely immoral. I can’t believe that judgement stood, since it was so obviously wrong.
Yeah, the family’s lawyer was shocked as well. But I guess any ruling will stand if the higher courts refuse to hear an appeal for whatever reasons. This was the lawyer who really sniffed extreme corruption, as after this case he got very angry and started researching past cases / rulings of my husband, and the pattern was that if the accused is wealthy / has influence / could be useful in the future (quid pro quo) - then these nonsensical rulings will be made; but he also has really logical and law based, fair judgements as well - there’s a clear bias depending on who the person is.
Or the judge is just ruling based on the morals and laws of the society he is living in. As horrific as the interpretation is in this case, it may be how the law is written and understood.
Maybe I missed it, but OP didn’t state which country she is from. It is possible that she is from a country with civil law, where judges are much more constrained on how they can rule compared to American common law. Also, that there is a division between rape and sex with a minor shows that the legal system is making a distinction between the two cases, not just the judge husband.
I would expect that having repeated sex with a minor should bring jail time, but I don’t know enough about this country’s legal system to know if this is common or not.
That is a very good point, and could be a variable in a situation like this.
In this specific case, OP followed up to clarify that the ruling DOES defy the law as written.
from what you laid out it sounds like textbook abuse and rape. can you get more facts about the case? or ask him why he classified it as sex with a minor?
if it was indeed textbook abuse and rape which he classified as a lesser offense, that’s something I might not be able to look past.
It is. The family tried to appeal to the Court of Appeal because the ruling makes no sense legally. Got dismissed. They say it’s because their own independent investigation found that husband has friends and connections in all the right places, which is why all the complains of corruption also went ignored. Asked him about this ruling: said he doesn’t justify himself to anyone, the ruling is the justification, what you see it’s what it is and he won’t discuss any further. Oh, and now he’s suing the people who came forward with libel and defamation. 0 remorse of any kind.
Well, that completely dismisses my theory of threats.
Not sure about you, but I wouldn’t care whether he was bribed or he simply believes this was the “right” thing to do. It even sounds like you were doing fine financially, and greed won’t justify this. And he doesn’t even seem to regret it.
I don’t justify myself to anyone
You’re his wife and this is extremely important to you. If my spouse took this attitude with me I’d be gone before the echoes finished ringing, let alone if they had also refused to punish a child rapist.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can only begin to imagine the emotions you’re going through finding out about it all 😞
oof. so the only thing I can think of are:
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he relates with this form of abuse because of some previous experience
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he was bribed
I’m not sure what to tell you. if you tell him this is a deal breaker, and he doesn’t address it to your satisfaction, then you have your answer.
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Accused?
It’s innocent until proven guilty.
Wait and see.
The only one I’m concerned about is the adult having sex with a minor (rape). If you have seen the appropriate documentation to show this happened. Then demand an answer on how this could play out under the rules of law. Do I think it’s disgusting? Yes. But judges have to follow the law. Legislators write the law. Can a judge throw out a law? Yes. But they need a legal reason to do so. But at the end of the day… I’d want to see all the info before making a judgment on it. If the allegations are true… I’d run like hell.
Every.Single.Judge.
There is no job that attracts corruption like the high judicial.
“Judge” should become a vile slur on par with the n-word in terms of perceived slight when levelled against you.
You didn’t know this about your husband. Imagine what we don’t know about all the others much further removed from you and I.
“Everyone are corrupted, especially the judges!” Yeah. Sure.
I’m sad to say I have no advice for you but I feel for you, it must be a very hard time. Don’t be afraid to lean on those close to you for support.
Reading the post title made me think “well, I guess it depends on the allegations and gravity of the corruption.” You know, some things I wouldn’t find earth shattering like shoplifting, or maybe accepting bribes which don’t hurt anyone (ex that’s probably no longer relevant: giving the cable guy $100 to get free cable)
Then I read the post body, and yikes, this is on a whole other level. And I still believe anyone is entitled the benefit of the doubt and that allegations aren’t convictions. But he’s a judge so allegations of corruption are probably the worst allegations that someone in his office could receive. Especially when you consider that he’s in a position to make other people allegations turn into acquittals, so I’d be wondering who’s doing the same for him.
And again, I don’t know enough about the situation. But if I was in your shoes I imagine I’d be equally suspicious.
You say you’re dark on the finances, would you say that together you share a lavish lifestyle? While not exactly a nail in the coffin, wealth is often an indicator of corruption.
Just to play devil’s advocate, if a group of people come together with allegations that still doesn’t mean he did it. However, if I asked him about it I couldn’t take his answer at face value either because these are serious allegations being corroborated by others. I’d imagine you’re too close to be impartial, and I’d reserve judgement until he receives… well, judgement.
Honestly though, if a judge is facing complaints of corruption then they kind of have to address them or else it indicates their corruption. If he’s been sitting on these complaints or turning them away, then I’d be highly suspicious of him.
Anyway, it sounds like these allegations have already impacted your relationship. Maybe if they were proven unfounded that might be something you could reconcile about. But if the allegations are based on truth, I’d be very careful. I wouldn’t feel safe being around someone like that personally, especially if he knew I had a low opinion of him
Yes, that was always his justification for why he doesn’t talk with me about finances. I bring in more than enough, aren’t you satisfied, why would you need to know about technicalities? That kind of thing. And before you ask me why have I put up with it: I was raised in a traditional family where when the man spoke the woman shut up, so I guess I took a lot of these behaviors from my mother; and my family has always had a big influence on my life and they stood by my husband.
Gotcha. I was prepared to make an allowance that maybe he just wasn’t interested in the finances and therefore didn’t want to talk about them. But it sounds like you’ve asked him about them point-blank and he’s refusing to discuss.
We often make allowances for our upbringing, but these are huge red flags. Honestly, if my partner was hiding their finances, then I’d be worried about what else they were hiding.
It sounds like you’ve got turbulent times ahead. I wish you the strength to move forward.
“Our tradition is subjugation!”
So:
- There’s new information
- That you trust
- About heinous acts by your partner
No, that doesn’t sound like a scenario where you can go back to seeing them the same way. Unless you already saw them as heinous.
So when you do the poisoning research don’t be too obvious about it.
I wouldn’t ruin a marriage over corruption… Yeah it is a crime but it is money. Etc etc
The most horrific one I’ve heard is my husband ruled that a 12-year-old consented to having sex with an adult
Up to you to decide if you can live with a person who did this though…
Did you just “etc etc” corruption…?
I don’t lump corruption which is a financial crime in the same category as child abuse…
Learn to read.
There’s no reason to compare to child abuse. You absolutely seemed to be saying “eh, corruption is potentially fine”, which stands on its own.
Whatever, you seem like a real tool (“learn to read”) so I’ll be blocking you.
🤡
