“It has a smooth finish, virtually indestructible, and it writes upside-down.” [None of these will be true] “Also, with our Ink Anytime subscription service, you’ll never run out of ink! It’s free…” [for the first six months] “for our lowest tier…” [three lines of text per day] “with an option to upgrade to a higher tier anytime.” [Puts pen in pocket] “We’re offering pre-orders with a $5 non-refundable deposit, with delivery expected sometime in the next six months depending on how soon you get on the waitlist.” [Two years until you give up and just let us keep your deposit] “So sign up now!”

I feel like George R.R. Martin was doing that with incest. Starts out with shocking incest between twins, and then spend a bunch of books getting you used to the idea until you find yourself reluctantly cheering for a dude hooking up with his aunt.

The amount of people with no kids that have strong opinions about how children should be raised is like the people with no uteruses that have strong feelings about abortion and pregnancy, or white college kids who have strong opinions about what words and phrases should be offensive to minorities. There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion, but the arrogance to think they have something to contribute to that conversation is exhausting.

Like… tables?

Yes to all except jiggy. I feel like that was just Will Smith trying to make Fetch happen.

Oh, no, I get that, I’m just saying those things make him annoying. It gives lots of opportunity for character development, but he’s still annoying until he develops.

He had a tendency to be immediately dismissive, impatient, and often outright insulting to other cultures and non-Federation types. The kid needed some humility, and often showed his age and closed-mindedness when he shut out ideas that didn’t come from his superiors.

It made it so I couldn’t play the game, because my computer didn’t meet the spec requirements.

Not saying it was a bad call. My computer was old and shitty, but now I’m out another $900.

The issue is, as I understand it, we either have 8 planets (or 9, if there is an exoplanet), or a whole bunch of planets, depending on how narrowly we define them.

They have some pretty impressive tourism videos too.

“I posted incorrect information and then people downvoted it, so now people can’t see the incorrect information I posted! This site is horrible!”

Sounds like it’s working as advertised. Don’t post incorrect info if you don’t like downvvotes. Upvotes mean “more people should read this.” Why do people need to read you being wrong? How is that a good contribution?

Here’s your monkey’s paw.

Time goes on, and you overcome a lot of those anxieties with age. You get married, start a great job, buy a house, have a couple kids, and generally start feeling comfortable with life.

Then in a flash you are back in your high school head, knowing that no matter what you do, you’ll never get the mix of circumstances just right to do it again, which means at best your kids cease to exist and at worst, you lose everything that gave your life meaning. And you can’t share that pain with anyone. And on top of that, you’re now mentally a 45-year-old in a teenagers body, and rather than feeling attraction to your peers, they now look like children to you. You’re full of confidence, but any attempt to use that confidence feels like taking advantage of a child (even though you are physically the same age).

I think of that, because your wish is a horror story for me. Whenever it’s brought up, I think no amount of getting in on the ground floor of k-cups stock or bitcoin, no preventing catastrophes, nothing I could do would make me feel it was worth losing my kids. And worse, making them never exist.

By the way, mine is “I wish for a blowjob.” I’ve got what I need. But I’ll always take a blow job (FROM MY WIFE, TO BE CLEAR).

A put a hole in the side of a helicopter that left it grounded for a week.

I accidentally tapped it with another piece of the helicopter. I’m happily working on helicopters that are made of metal now, so no more of that nonsense.

Edit: also, honorable mention because it wasn’t my fault, but I made a helicopter drop an external fuel tank when it took off… by replacing a light bulb. It was on the button that makes the helicopter drop the external tanks, but there are failsafes so it will only do it in the air. Apparently the internal switch got stuck, so the second the weight was off of the wheels CLONK… and a tank was laying on the active runway. Excellent.

I should certainly hope so.

I want to go to a Denny’s now and pitch a fit if they don’t serve wine.

RIPPER! You may not believe me when I say it folks, but there’s NOWHERE I’d rather be than right here, clearing this drain with you.

My recommended videos are drain cleaning, lawn maintenance, wood turning, science, and meme stuff like Stephen He.

Other than the meme stuff, I imagine the girl would get the wrong idea about both my approach to chores and my scientific background.