Ah, all electric but still gaslighting I see

82%, feel lucky. I bought my house in 2015 for $85k. Last assessment was almost $300k

Remember when you cried, as a baby, because you had to share some stupid shit? This is billionaires crying

I hate to be the guy to tell you, man. But, they’ve been doing this shit for like, 30 years man.

Big promises! Wait, wait I may be changing my vo… nope

You think I give a shit what made that? Fuuuck nopenopenopenope

Please god.

Not it’s not

Gotta return a voicemail from my funky friend frank

Hope this includes gyms like planet fitness

I thought I was the only one smart enough to devise this plan!

The travesty! I’ll take two

I was like 9 and in a new school. My aunt died in a car crash that October. Days later, we’re at the most famous haunted house in the city, my parents had agreed to something months prior.

Anyway, 9 years old, horror house, haunted secret hallways, scary basements. October.

I don’t know what that means but, it always makes me feel something.

It’s probably as boring as there’s a dog farm in your area and that person prefers to breed them (for whatever their reason may be)

Edit: I say that as a dog owner that doesn’t see many in my area and found a 6 month old corgi at a shelter because someone bought it from a local dog farm…

Grape

Classic free speech move

My buddy and I have a whole list of these…I started calling them masonism’s because he messes them up so often lol

“I don’t give a shit if he wrote the Mona Lisa!”

“I’m not attached to my hip!”

“I’m taking my own life…into my own hands!”

“How’s that for apples?”

“There’s not enough meat to play with”

“That’s a hit…and a miss!”

“If it weighs anything to you….”

“Jesus Christ! That’s slave robbery!

“Welp, I’m going to get hard at work”

“I’m making shit up out of my ass.”

“He was flopping back and forth” (flip flopping)

“I’m going to go tell this kid a piece of my mind…”

“Oh, here you go….you’re going to piss on my parade!”

“Don’t count your chickens before they turn into eggs.”

“Well isn’t that the horse calling the kettle black”

“Does a fat kid shit in the woods?”

“I can sleep through a rock!”

Ibanez AZ series guitars? Yea I know them like they’re in the back of my hand…”

“There’s a lot of onions to that…”

“I’m pulling it off my head”

“Knock the balls off!

-knock it out of the park/socks off

“That’s a double sided sword!”

“You can’t lead a horse to fish…”

Fuck yea for Doug!

I thought big dick was back in town…???

I bet that was delicious