My husband of 17 years is a judge. Recently multiple people have come out publicly with their stories about my husband because all the complaints they have filed with the Council which deals with this have been ignored throughout the years - no investigation opened. My husband has always kept me in the dark about his work - finances, so let’s just say I have my reasons to believe the allegations. The most horrific one I’ve heard is my husband ruled that a 12-year-old consented to having sex with an adult (legal age of consent at the time was 15 in our country), so there was no conviction. The accused in this trial was wealthy. I didn’t know about this until now. Frankly I’m completely disgusted with him.
Reading the post title made me think “well, I guess it depends on the allegations and gravity of the corruption.” You know, some things I wouldn’t find earth shattering like shoplifting, or maybe accepting bribes which don’t hurt anyone (ex that’s probably no longer relevant: giving the cable guy $100 to get free cable)
Then I read the post body, and yikes, this is on a whole other level. And I still believe anyone is entitled the benefit of the doubt and that allegations aren’t convictions. But he’s a judge so allegations of corruption are probably the worst allegations that someone in his office could receive. Especially when you consider that he’s in a position to make other people allegations turn into acquittals, so I’d be wondering who’s doing the same for him.
And again, I don’t know enough about the situation. But if I was in your shoes I imagine I’d be equally suspicious.
You say you’re dark on the finances, would you say that together you share a lavish lifestyle? While not exactly a nail in the coffin, wealth is often an indicator of corruption.
Just to play devil’s advocate, if a group of people come together with allegations that still doesn’t mean he did it. However, if I asked him about it I couldn’t take his answer at face value either because these are serious allegations being corroborated by others. I’d imagine you’re too close to be impartial, and I’d reserve judgement until he receives… well, judgement.
Honestly though, if a judge is facing complaints of corruption then they kind of have to address them or else it indicates their corruption. If he’s been sitting on these complaints or turning them away, then I’d be highly suspicious of him.
Anyway, it sounds like these allegations have already impacted your relationship. Maybe if they were proven unfounded that might be something you could reconcile about. But if the allegations are based on truth, I’d be very careful. I wouldn’t feel safe being around someone like that personally, especially if he knew I had a low opinion of him
Yes, that was always his justification for why he doesn’t talk with me about finances. I bring in more than enough, aren’t you satisfied, why would you need to know about technicalities? That kind of thing. And before you ask me why have I put up with it: I was raised in a traditional family where when the man spoke the woman shut up, so I guess I took a lot of these behaviors from my mother; and my family has always had a big influence on my life and they stood by my husband.
Gotcha. I was prepared to make an allowance that maybe he just wasn’t interested in the finances and therefore didn’t want to talk about them. But it sounds like you’ve asked him about them point-blank and he’s refusing to discuss.
We often make allowances for our upbringing, but these are huge red flags. Honestly, if my partner was hiding their finances, then I’d be worried about what else they were hiding.
It sounds like you’ve got turbulent times ahead. I wish you the strength to move forward.
“Our tradition is subjugation!”