Friendly reminder to be noncredible. Don’t actually attack other people for their religious beliefs. If you don’t have a funny take, and you’re just here to spread hate, maybe shut the fuck up instead 👍
green man
now this is podracing!
Anyone got $7? This question is actually testable.
Mormons hands down, they’re more strapped than you think and have no compunction against modern weapons whereas afaik the amish probably stop somewhere before the 1900s. Plus they could maybe convert some of the Amish (wololo), they’re good at that and the Amish don’t bother.
The Amish are strict pacifists (except in regards to domestic violence) so they can’t even have a sword
Yeah they’d get smoked in less than a week lol. TIL
I’d fight alongside the Amish because they make nice ass furniture. I’ll control the drones while they reload their muskets.
The mor(m)ons would.
They use technology, and have an insanely huge bankroll.
Gonna be like the Vietnam War. High tech powerful army vs low tech actually competent guerrillas. Amish gonna win.
The Mormons control all the salt because Utah. Salt is vitally important in off grid homesteading or something. They’ve already won.
A deeply religious people who control all the salt? Triangle Strategy intensifies.
the amish have a mafia. and reliable post apoc transport.
The mormons won’t know what hit them.
I know not how we will fight WW3, but WW4 will be fought with magic underwear and beards with no mustache.
The Battle of Hyrums.
If bloodlusted, Amish easily. They’re tougher than the nails they’re holding their barns up with, and not prone to complaining. In reality though, they’re big softies. They won’t even participate in haggling unless a deal is hurting them. Watching my mom haggle with an Amish dude for dog studding service is easily the most cringe moment of my life. I had to make her greedy ass stop!
I buy my black locust/larch for raised beds from Amish/Mennonites (Fort Plain/Fonda area upstate NY) and it’s so cheap when i round up to “tip” they are almost offended and very confused. It’s hilarious to me and i hope they understand but I’m gonna tip them and there’s nothing they can do about it.
They really deserve better than they’re asking for. Amish are generally really good people.
didn’t the amish already win, and that’s why the mormons had to leave and go out west?
Mormons lose big, and here’s why.
Those damn bright white shirts. Easy targets.
No way you can miss them, even on the smokiest battlefield.
The Amish blend into the background better.
The problem is, in order to actually hit a target, you need to shoot. Amish don’t shoot.
That’s what they want you to think!
Mormons. They already have an army of ~70k extremely impressionable 18-20 year olds (missionaries) hopped up on dirty sodas and sexual repression ready to do whatever for their prophet in the name of god.
Source: was Mormon, was missionary, still live in Utah. lol
Hwat is dirty soda
Soda with mix ins. Like flavor mix ins. So you go to a soda shop, ask for a Dr Pepper, then get like vanilla, coconut, or raspberry, etc mix ins. Kinda like an Italian soda. It’s huge here in utah.
I’ll take a Dr Pepper with an Amaretto mix-in plz…
First off, you guys have soda shops? Is it all 50s theamed?
I moved here from NY and it surprised me. I think it’s because they can’t have coffee and such, so they drink a ton of soda. Coffee bad, but a 44 oz Coke at 8am, totally fine.
I had a mormon friend who was similar and it was just jarring the amount of diet mountain dew that he could put away.
Nah, most of them are just modern soulless rectangle buildings with little or no interior decorations. I’ve only been inside one a few years back tho. However most people just use the drive through and line up like 50 cars deep and block traffic and access to other surrounding buildings like the lemmings they are, lol
My house will be soulless without some schweet Amish benches on the porch. Money on them to win, I have no other choice. It’s a huge ass wraparound porch.
They made the Coke Freestyle machine into its own store?
Wait, they can have caffeine now?
Nobody ever said they couldn’t, the only proscription is on “hot drinks,” which has been interpreted as “coffee and tea.” The anti-caffeine people are the “spirit of the law” people, and for decades, Coke sold caffeine-free versions of their products to BYU (that ended relatively recently).
They made the Coke Freestyle machine into its own store?
Yes, but imagine they’re as prolific as Starbucks and with 5x the amount of sugar as a normal soda. Everyone thinks the south is the sugary drink capital of the US, with Coca-Cola being in Georgia and sweet tea being the official drink south of the Mason-Dixon, but compared to the shit that comes out of those dirty soda shops in Utah, they’re like LaCroix and plain black tea by comparison.
Since they can’t do “hot drinks”, my coworkers there would typically drink 2-3 Monsters or 20oz bottles of Mountain Dew in a typical workday. It was absolutely insane to see.
That just sounds like a Sonic Drive In.
Think of Sonic, but on steroids. There are chains of soda shops here in Utah who literally only sell soda, and they have every mixin you can think of. Mango puree? Yup. Gummy bears? You bet! Peeps? What do you think we are, amateurs??
Come visit Utah, where everyone is speed-running diabetes. Why? Because the 64oz soda holders in our massive trucks need to be filled, and not with peasant sodas from Maverick or 7/11, but with real, artisan sodas with crazy mixins and whatnot.
Amish in a sweep, their toughness outweighs mormon tech advantages and let’s not forget their Mennonite buddies.
Fuck can they run, once
I heard Mormons are also known as LSD cuz they use so much. Amish going to wipe the floor with them.
Also the Amish have horses
In the first week, the Mormon airforce rises into the air and starts a carpet bombing campaign.
Seemingly, the Amish are destroyed as there are no signs of fighting back. The Mormon missionaries move in to pacify the newly conquered territory. But all the towns are dead and empty.
After two weeks of raising the Mormon flags everywhere, the top brass gets a notice: several Amish towns have sprung up in the hinterlands. Quickly the Mormon army rushes in but all they find are desolated settlements.
General after general gets burn-out from this game of whack-a-mole. The Mormons want a fight but the pacifist Amish aren’t playing along. The Mormon youth gets dissatisfied with their rulers who called then into a war and are not delivering.
On the other side of the curtain, the Amish are not allowed to fight back. They simply leave their homes and rebuild somewhere else, especially in places the Mormon army just left. But some amongst them are of the opinion that, although fighting is strictly prohibited, a few accident should be within the rules.
So the numbers of unexplained explosions in the Mormon homeland start to rise. It’s just the beginning, but the methane tanks on the Amish dairy farms overfloweth.
A Mormon officer suggests arming local cheese lords to get a hold of the situation. Wherever have we seen that before?
My only proposed time dit: Due to their uncanny ability to construct elaborate building in a single day, the Amish continue constructing full barns and houses at each site.
Hail the local cheese lords! Welcome to CHEEZDOME
