I’m talking about like, service workers and store employees who are miserable and take their anger out on completely innocent people.
If you’re hot and dress nice would it make it less likely for you to be the target of those pieces of shit?
Does being bullied decrease the chance of you being hot?
Get hot enough, and not even ninjas will be able to touch you.
Bullying is replaced with catcalling and unwanted advances
In other words, harassment is a universal experience for service workers. It just comes in different forms.
Ani DiFranco put it well. “God forbid you be an ugly girl, 'course too pretty is also your doom, 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.”
I’ve always loved that quote. Also this beast:
And we get a little further from perfection
Each year on the road
I think that’s called ‘character’; I think that’s
Just the way it goes
But it’s better to be dusty than polished like some
Store window mannequin
Won’t you touch me where I’m rusty
Let me stain your hands
Like everyone else said, assholes will be assholes. What you will get more of is sexual harassment and people assuming you are flirting with them.
I mean I have no personal experience but standing out at all can bring unwanted attention.
I don’t think I stand out
Reading your thing again its strange that you mention employees. I mean there is a gas station I won’t go to because I don’t like the music they play. I will stop patronizing businesses very easily.
What
“store employees who are miserable and take their anger out on completely innocent people”
so it sounds like employees are being mean to customers. did I get that wrong. if so I would not go to that establishment.
Sorry it’s the only one near me I can’t not go
Im not sure what the establishment is how can’t it is. I stopped going to gas station a few blocks down and instead went to one ten miles away (its gas was cheap enough to make it a wash money wise)
If you’re hot and dress nice would it make it less likely for you to be the target of those pieces of shit?
i think it has more to do with your body language and how you are directing your attention during the interaction.
How should I be
I’ve found people bother me least when I look vaguely annoyed at everything. Resting bitch face is a powerful tool.
hmmmm, not really in the scale of ‘hot’, imo, but for respect. but it can only work so far. maybe it’s just luck that you encountered a selfish person?
Being attractive improves literally every aspect of your life. I forget the study but I read once that kindergarten teachers consistently gave better grades to the more attractive students for example.
However if someone is an asshole they will still be mean.
There was another one where kindergarteners rated attractive teachers as smarter and easier to get along with than unattractive ones. Both “teachers” just read them a story and left.
More attractive students
Kindergarten
🤨📸
Maybe “cuter” kids would sound less sexual.
That was why I remembered it, it was just so dumb. Like first what tf are kids in kindergarten even getting graded on?
People of all ages have different levels of beauty, and not in a sexual way.
Ever thought a kid was cute/adorable/whatever? And the kid next to them was not?
On the complete other end, many elderly are visually repulsive, but some look good right to the end.
I think we can all agree that babies look weird… except my daughter, she was a perfect looking baby
Agreed, except you’re wrong about your baby. Mine were the good looking ones.
How hot they are, clearly.
I don’t think that attractiveness alone is that big of a factor.
I rarely get shit from people in a workplace like you described, but it’s more because I’m nice to everybody and I don’t respond to aggression with aggression.
Most people are reactive by default, which is usually what aggressive people are looking for.
I find that the less aggression you dish out, the less people try to serve it to you.
That said you could maybe make an argument that attractive people have slightly less to be cranky about on average and maybe that makes them less reactive, etc, but I don’t think that holds weight.
Most attractive people don’t know they’re attractive, and those who know it still rarely feel it. Self-perception is a bitch for everyone, no matter how you look to other people.
When I worked with customers I found having a slightly unpleasant look, while working hard, propelled me into stock. They had to be very desperate to use me at the front.
My secret power was sucking up to management though. A combination of unfriendliness to some and subservience to others is hard to do for many
I often get told I’m pretty and a trend I’ve noticed is that the tough and rough guys who are normally aggressive to most other people will become soft with me. It’s kind of surreal
Yeah I’d say I’m an above average looking girl. I’ve definitely had an easier time than other coworkers at de-escalating an angry guy.
In my experience, it’s definitely a combination of
- Assholes will be assholes regardless
- Opposite sex treats you a little nicer
- Same sex can treat you bad for seemingly no reason to where you can only assume it’s jealousy related
Me and my people are bullied less, it is true.
No. I have known a lot of attractive people get bullied by jealous bullies. Imagine you’re attractive, guys checking you out, and girls who work HARD to get noticed see you get noticed without much effort. You may even be, “no thank you,” like you have a choice. And they will seethe because they think it’s unfair you “have it so easy.” Logic and reason do not apply to bullies, they only know how to “preemptively retaliate” to keep the status quo in their head,
Based on your comments here, and your post history, it sounds like you may live somewhere with an awful culture. It also sounds like you’re really negative and disdainful of others, and also pretty passive, being willing to move twice for strangers who wanted your table. All this sets you up for a bad time.
The way to not be bullied is to not let yourself be bullied. Don’t give someone else the power to decide how you feel. Laugh at them or ignore them and move on instead of dwelling in anger or resentment.
I live in the US, and while bullying does happen, it’s far outside the norm. I’ve never experienced it in my professional life, and instances even when I worked retail and grocery when I was younger were always addressed. Bullying is something children do, and adults with personality problems.
Thanks for looking at my post history. I’m sure if I told him I won’t move, I would be labelled as aggressive, uncooperative and problem creating.
You can never win.
“You seem so disdainful” yeah maybe it’s because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage and this is my only outlet
Still don’t appreciate you trying to insinuate it’s my fault
yeah maybe it’s because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage
Almost every single reply of yours in this post is negative and accusatory toward the person you’re replying to. Maybe your definition of “nice” doesn’t quite jive with many others’ definitions.
If you define winning as everybody always liking you and nobody ever having a bad opinion of you then yes, you can never win.
The trick is not to define “winning” as some impossible task like everyone always liking you.
I don’t know if I was insinuating that your experience here is your fault as much as I was giving explicit reasons why it’s probably your fault.
I’m sure if I told him I won’t move, I would be labelled as aggressive, uncooperative and problem creating.
Labelled by who? The stranger who wants your table? And then what? And why do you care? This is all you, trying to people please and avoid conflict. Assertiveness is a skill you can learn and would go a long way toward helping you with the problem you’re describing.
You’re being unnecessarily antagonistic
I added “And why do you care?”, but you didn’t respond to anything I said anyway, so why does it matter
It helps to be a tad more productive/casual in one’s responses to things like this, not give someone the Foghorn Leghorn treatment and expect it to be the final word.
If I expected what I said to be the final word, why would I have cared about them straight up ignoring what I said. If they didn’t want an honest response to their problem, they shouldn’t have asked a question in this community. Also do you mean “productive/casual” or “superficial/pleasant”
You’re being thick-skulled.
We are telling you what the problem is. Listen, or continue to have the problem. It’s your choice.
because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage and this is my only outlet
There’s a difference between being nice and letting people walk all over you.
I mean to say, I always begin each interaction with being nice. I don’t come to them with a crap mood or aggression
Ethics is more complicated than you think it is.
There is absolutely no reason that the set of rules you learned first would be the actual set of rules that governs people.
As you have learned, being non-aggressive is not sufficient strategy to avoid others’ aggression.
There’s no reason to think it would be, except that it was in kindergarten when large authority giants would easily overpower any aggressor, and would by policy do so on behalf of the nonagressive ones.
Don’t confuse kindergarten rules for global culture. Huge mistake.
Actual culture evolved from nature, and in nature in order to protect yourself you must retaliate when attacked. Every organism has weapons. Every organism.
Meditate on that. Why would every organism use some of its previous energy budget building weapons? Why would evolution select for that 100% of the time?
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
Ok bully, keep circlejerking your just-world fallacy and get a grip. Back to your privilege bubble
Anyone that disagrees with you is a bully?
“It’s weird though cause they always pick on me. For example a cashier was really rude to me, and then there was a guy right after me who she was super nice to.”
If, different, unrelated people, in different, unrelated, situations and places, are all “picking on you” maybe you need to look at what they do have in common.
They are working in a store and are women, that’s what they have in common
And you… They have you in common… But I’m going to bow out of this. You don’t seem capable of self reflection, you seem to want to be the victim and have everyone agree that the world is just unfair to you in particular for no reason. That everyone you meet is being a bully. I hope things get better for you.
But I’m going to bow out of this. You don’t seem capable of self reflection
Reading through this page, you certainly don’t seem wrong at all, but on the other hand, it may be a language issue.
