You have all the powers that Putin currently does. Everyone completely loyal to Putin is now loyal to you. Enemies of Putin are enemies of you. Putin no longer exists, and there has been a clean and absolute transfer of power to you. The economic, military, social and political situations are the same as they now are. You are not inhabiting Putin’s body, you are just you. You’re magically transferred to the Kremlin. The world at large doesn’t know your past life, to them you have magically appeared as the new ruler. To everyone who knew you before, you just vanished.
Edit: no one knows your past life YET. They’ll quickly figure it out. You will not lose any support based on your actions in your past life.
Probably shit my self.
Not because it’s scary or something, just because I have so much power that I can shit myself and no one would dare say anything.
I think i’m starting to understand dictators
If you havent already, I would highly recommend you watch the following video by CGP Grey:
Rules for Rulers https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs
It describes why its so difficult to turn a country around from authoritarian to benefiting the people. Even with magical dictatorial power.
Ideally, I’d call up Zelenskyy, ask if he wanted to hang out, have a beer and offer him the job.
Realistically, I’d be doomscrolling on Lemmy, have a wank, get drunk and go to bed.
Negotiate a peace agreement between NATO, the European Union, Ukraine and Russia, with the aim of:
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Keeping control of Crimea and small parts of the Donbas in exchange for the land Ukraine gained in their Kursk incursion. This would give Russia access to a second sea port that can be used all year round, and unlike Kaliningrad, isn’t an exclave sandwiched between NATO powers.
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Negotiating the immediate release of all POWs on both sides.
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Obtaining a neutrality agreement to ensure Ukraine will not join NATO (EU or EFTA membership is fine.) Not really anything we can do about Finland or Sweden joining.
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Joint Russian and Western aid in rebuilding Ukraine.
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Lifting all economic sanctions (including those placed on Russia before 2022), travel restrictions and readmission back into the G7, Council of Europe, FIFA, IOC, etc.
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Nice try, Putin.
Just asking for a friend
Resign. I can’t handle that kind of responsibility
For starters:
Arrest Putin and all his enablers.
Stop all hostilities with Ukraine.
Return all prisoners.
Help rebuild Ukraine.
Develop Russia into what it can be. It’s the largest country in the world, lots of land and resources. Build it up responsibly and sustainably.
Recognize the positive achievements of Russia while trying to avoid past mistakes.
It’s the largest country in the world,
It’s a federation. You could balkanise Russia into dependencies.
I would want to be the sort of leader with tons of weird facts around himself, so
Offer a ceasefire with Ukraine, try to make peace with as little losses as possible. It’s not really my priority to make war, my priority is filling my wikipedia page with as many different shit as possible.
Abolish physics laws one day, then legalise it again.
Introduce Mann Co’s CEO policy for the position of Vice President. (Whoever can beat the current VP via one on one unarmed combat becomes the current VP, no matter who.)
Legalise gambling between 03:00-07:00 and ban it between any other time interval.
Define tax evasion as a taxable income source, as long as they detail how they commit tax evasion so future laws can patch it.
Take putin’s legalising piracy one step further and fund open source piracy software openly. Offer developers full time residency and shielding from law if they encounter legal troubles.
Make a deal with another country’s leader to declare war and make peace right afterwards, breaking the records for fastest declaration of war, shortest war and the fastest peace treaty. Maybe declare multiple wars in a similar fashion to try to keep lowering the records.
Recognise all micronations, with the exception of those around Antartica.
Claim Antartica is owned by polar bears and define all claims made there as illegitimate claims.
How about this?
Captain Basculin: An Unconventional Leadership
Early Life and Ascension
Captain Basculin, an enigmatic figure whose rise to power is marked by unconventional policies and bizarre regulations, unexpectedly succeeded Vladimir Putin as the President of Russia. Despite the sudden and unexplained nature of his ascension, Basculin quickly established a reputation for his peculiar approach to governance.
Policies and Governance
Ceasefire and Peace Efforts
Basculin’s initial policy focus was on establishing a ceasefire with Ukraine. His goal was to minimize conflict and loss of life, reflecting his broader inclination towards peace rather than warfare. This pragmatic approach was coupled with a unique personal ambition to enrich his Wikipedia page with a plethora of unusual facts.
Legislation on Physics and Gambling
In a series of unprecedented legislative actions, Basculin enacted and then repealed laws regulating the fundamental principles of physics, creating a temporary period where physical laws were suspended. He also introduced highly irregular gambling regulations, permitting gambling exclusively between 03:00 and 07:00, and banning it during all other hours.
Vice Presidential Appointment and Taxation
Under Basculin’s administration, the Vice Presidential position was redefined with a policy inspired by Mann Co’s CEO selection process: the position would be awarded to the victor of a one-on-one unarmed combat match against the incumbent Vice President. In an unconventional move to address tax evasion, Basculin redefined it as a taxable income source, provided evaders disclosed their methods to assist in future legal reforms.
Piracy and Open Source Software
Building on Putin’s legacy of legalizing piracy, Basculin took a step further by openly funding open source piracy software. Developers involved in these activities were granted full-time residency and legal protection, creating a controversial yet distinctive facet of his governance.
Record-Breaking Wars
Basculin initiated a novel diplomatic strategy involving rapid conflict resolution. He brokered agreements with other nations to declare and end wars in record times, repeatedly breaking records for the shortest wars and fastest peace treaties. This approach extended to multiple countries, aimed at continually lowering these records.
Micronations and Antarctica
In a bold geopolitical maneuver, Basculin recognized all micronations worldwide except for those located around Antarctica. He also declared Antarctica as the territory of polar bears, dismissing all human territorial claims on the continent as invalid.
Legacy and Impact
Captain Basculin’s tenure was marked by a series of surreal and unconventional policies that have made a significant impact on international governance norms. His approach has both intrigued and bewildered observers, cementing his legacy as one of the most eccentric leaders in modern history.
I think you have some stiff competition on the shortest war from the Conch Republic. You’d have to sign the peace treaty in 59 seconds to beat the record. (Be sure that the enemy sets their killbots for a very low preset kill limit.)
I wanna vote for u as world leader
If I just magically appeared and everyone knows it was magic, I could claim to be God and get even more power.
transfer collective power of russia to hexbear and see what happens
Chaotic neutral
Ctrl+A, Delete
What are my goals? The same as Putin?
If yes: continue attrition fighting, but defensively. The goal is to stretch out ukraine losses past the point of western support. Keep offering varying “peace deals” that solidify the capture of oil and gas resources and access to the black sea. Claim the fighting will stop once the Russian territory is liberated (the captured oblasts). In the backroom arrange to let israel to start their middle east ground war, that will distract and drain support from Ukraine. Move the conscript soldiers to the Russian side of the north eastern border with Ukraine. Negotiate to get CIS volunteers as part of the defensive home guard.
If no: pull back troops to very defensive lines across rivers. Dig in. Don’t try to take any territory. Negotiate for return of some territory in exchange for crimea and total access to black sea, settle for crimea and a promise not to join NATO for 20 years.
Focus on energy export pipelines to Europe and China, try to pivot industrial base to post solar future. China is the biggest long term competitor, find a niche that is critical to Chinese interests like oil (negiotate with kz to be sole supplier)
Goal is whatever you want, but keep in mind if you erode your base of support you’ll likely be defenestrated.
In the second scenario, would you opt for less adversarial relations with the West? Would you try to maintain/rebuild the greatness of Russia?
Second scenario Is all about economic health. Can’t pay my cronies if we don’t have money! Russia’s diplomatic past, and its current position, requires an antagonistic relationship. It could be built out so it’s not necessary, but that would take a very long time, more than one generation. However, staged niceness could be negotiated for economic concessions or trade deals. The greatness of Russia would be an exercise in public relations, military victories are not necessary.
Can’t pay my cronies if we don’t have money!
Someone knows their keys to power
Try to learn Russian really quickly.
Blyat
You’re the president, just make English the official language. Now it’s their problem.
Put Zangief as my right hand.
Free healthcare
