I would love to listen to a female comedian that doesn’t just joke about getting laid.
Well putting it like that is kinda belittling. I hear it as “well, sorry, you ain’t no LeBron James.” Is that the joke?
Not the sentiment though. If the woman wants some fun with a vibrator, go to town! Tell me to jump, and I’ll ask how high. Get your partner to have fun, however they want; it is not that complicated.
She’s framing the guy as the assistant to the vibrator which is insulting at best. Although I think this is a comedian making a joke, so probably shouldnt take it so serious.
Yeah, its a decent joke TBH.
Would she say the same if they went to dinner and he pulled out ChatGPT and talked at it instead of to her? ‘Yay, I contributed to his conversation with a robot!’
As in many things, the end is not the point so much as the process.
That’s a point as well, but doing it the way you want doesn’t really satisfy her, so… you need to find a middle ground
It’s much more pleasant for her to do this with you, even if it’s not without a tool. That’s the important part
If the point was the orgasm, mutial masturbation would be faster, easier, cleaner, etc. Even if neither one ever cums, it’s not important. The important part of the process is that it’s them doing it, in the same way that it doesn’t matter if you spend all evening at dinner joking about inane bullshit and never getting into a deep, meaningful discussion about the meaning of life. Talking together is the point. Trying is the point. Devoting yourself to each other is the point. If you achieve that connection, you have succeeded, regardless. And if you succeed on that level, the pleasure comes naturally. People can achieve touchless orgasm if they have the psychological/emotional investment. If she’s not cumming, I question the relationship, not the sex. (Especially with her being a comedian, a class rife with emotional trauma)
If the point was the orgasm, mutial masturbation would be faster, easier, cleaner, etc.
Isn’t this exactly what it is? “use my vibrator with a partner” either means the partner uses it or stimulates them while they do
People can achieve touchless orgasm if they have the psychological/emotional investment. If she’s not cumming, I question the relationship, not the sex.
Let’s ignore all medical and social reasons as to why someone can’t cum; it must surely be because the relationship between the two partners!
Frankly I don’t really get your comment. What I’m saying is: using a tool for sex isn’t bad as long as you’re doing it together?
Isn’t this exactly what it is?
Yeah, and that’s kind of crappy. People in a loving relationship won’t be treating each other the same way one treats a one night stand, just using each other to masturbate. If you can do that to someone you say you love, I don’t think you love them.
medical reasons
Not relevant. When discussing techniques for the application of hair products, those with alopecia are not relevant. Someone who is medically differentiated like that has a completely different start and goal point from the average person and has to be approached completely differently.
social reasons
Not totally certain what you mean, but I’m guessing psychological or interpersonal. If it’s psychological, that’s medical. If it’s interpersonal, that’s the exact thing I’m talking about.
Using a vibe or something isn’t ‘bad’ (morally) so much as it is a ‘bad sign.’ (red flag) If your friend came to you and said ‘I enjoy talking with my boyfriend, but only when there’s someone else in the conversation’ or ‘but only when I’ve been drinking/getting high,’ or something else where they only seem to enjoy the interaction when they have some sort of external force modifying the experience, would you think their relationship was healthy? I would not. It might not be a horror show the way some others are, but it could be better.
If you can do that to someone you say you love, I don’t think you love them.
What? You have serious problems if you believe that. I don’t get what you’re saying. I’m saying using a tool for mutual masturbation (or one at a time) is the same as classical normal masturbation of each other. Both are acceptable and normal in a relationship.
Not relevant. When discussing techniques for the application of hair products, those with alopecia are not relevant.
It does when it’s frequent. Also, you’re the one making a generalization, so if you don’t specify, that’s on you
As for your last paragraph, well I don’t see any link with what I said. Unrelated
Yes, if you treat someone who you say you love no differently from how you treat a one-night-stand, that suggests you don’t love them. That hardly seems like a bold claim.
And, no, that’s what generalization is. When speaking in general terms, it means ignoring the obvious exceptions. You don’t specify every little minority and specifically exclude them. I would not specifically call out those with alopecia in a discussion of hair products, and neither would you. That would be silly.
And the last part is what’s known as an analogy, a somewhat comparable circumstance in which elements resemble the primary concept. It serves as an example of the point, hopefully allowing the listener to see the pattern represented in the comparable and contrastable elements. In my analogy, there are two people in a relationship. This is one to one with the vibe circumstance, so should be pretty readily understandable. The part that is different, hopefully creating an analogy through which to see the pattern, is that instead of sexual intercourse, the circumstances are social intercourse. The parallel is that just as it would be regarded as a bad sign for the health of a relationship if someone only fully enjoyed social intercourse with their partner when there are pleasurable substances involved, it is a worrying sign if they reported only being able to enjoy sex with the aid of a vibe, the sexual analog to drugs.
I’ve dated a couple of girls who can’t get off without a vibrator.
It’s hard to get mad at that. They’ve got their thing and it works. If your dick or tongue can’t shake at 30 wiggles a second, why complain? So long as we both get off by the end of it, everyone has a good time.
What’s the problem?
Equally, I’ve hooked up with some guys who struggle to get off during sex itself (which may be because the grip one uses while masturbating may be firmer than what one experiences during sex).
Having slept with both women and men, I feel like the pressure to reach orgasm seems like it’s bad for everyone. One dude I knew felt super insecure about not getting off, which stemmed from a previous partner taking it personally. It’s certainly the case that for some men, it can feel uncomfortable to have sex and not reach orgasm. However, I think that everyone would have a better time if people decoupled satisfaction from orgasm.
If I wanted to be certain that I’d get off, then the use of a vibrator helps a lot. That’s not necessarily my goal though; some of the best sex I’ve ever had didn’t result in me reaching orgasm, and I find it frustrating when people don’t understand that this is possible (I find this problem more common with men). Of course, that’s just personal to me — some people may consider reaching orgasm to be an essential part of “good sex”, but that’s why good communication is the best skill one can develop for better sex.
I’m one of those guys that struggles to orgasm. Even masturbating I will sometimes last a really long time. It’s more a mood thing than a sensation thing for me. I have to have my mind in the right state to orgasm. The good thing about it is I can have sex for as long as my partner wants often.
It’s odd, because usually men are the ones who leave their partners wanting. For me my partners pretty much always get more than they bargained for, but I’m frequently left without orgasming. It’s fine though. It’s still plenty enjoyable without it.
Wouldn’t hurt to get your progesterone levels checked. If you can get hard but are unable to cum it could be too high
The stories you’ve lived are the ones that seem more meaningful. For a guy, climax is a given, and sometimes the whole point just for maintenance purposes. The wholesome joy of a thing is made impure by ulterior motives. It took me a while to see it from the other side.
If your dick doesn’t shake at 30hz it is a skill issue on your part ;/
If your dick or tongue can’t shake at 30 wiggles a second, why complain?
I would imagine for the same reason that women complain about men who cant cum without their pornhub deathgrip…
Agree. People dont like being replaced with meaningless objects. People can also rationalize and become used to nearly anything.
See, this is so true!
Now someone tell my wife that using a fuck machine in my my ass and nipple clips is super reasonable!
Please and thank you.
It’s always funny to hear people who’ve never been part of a team speaking about team sports. Jenny thinks it’s fun to pass the ball to Lebron and watch him dunk - the few minutes you’re not on the bench that is 😂 It’s not about just winning, it’s about winning well. Joga bonito Jenny, I’d rather fuck the wall.
Jenny thinks it’s fun to pass the ball to Lebron and watch him dunk - the few minutes you’re not on the bench that is 😂
What are you talking about? Assists are absolutely a great feeling when playing basketball. And, for that matter, so are wide-open shots you score in plays made possible by teammates’ contribution: good passing, pick setting, etc.
And I’ve never played at a level where alley oops are possible, but I kinda wish that I could’ve.
Absolutely true, but assists are just one facet of the game, even greats like Nash in basketball or Pirlo in football whose passing was what made them famous, did everything else too. Imho being able to visualize the entire court/pitch etc and to create plays requires the highest level of mastery, it’s absolutely amazing to watch and the few times I was able to pull something like that off, it’s a better feeling than scoring. That being said, this doesn’t translate well to the sex with a vibrator scenario because it’s not quite a team game. It’s an inanimate fucking object that your partner prefers to you. You’re not Steve Nash opening the play for your team, you’re the ball boy.
Sometimes you just don’t have time. Like, brother… Come on… I’m almost 40. It’s not as easy to jackhammer my wife at the perfect angle for 25 straight minutes anymore. It’s better for everyone, her included, if she helps rub that shit out and we can both be asleep by 10pm. We have work tomorrow, and you know our daughter’s going to come pitter-pattering in here at 4:30am to say she’s hungry because she couldn’t be fucked to eat more than two beans and a half a chicken tender the night prior.
Plus if you’re the type to get more satisfaction from your partner’s pleasure than your own (which I’m hoping goes for everyone reading this), if toys help her come more times, why wouldn’t you do it? I know I always enjoyed it more that way, SHE was the one who didn’t want it too often lol
You really sound like one of these boomers that don’t like their families.
Thanks for letting me know what that sounded like. Next time I’ll add an /s at the end so that the dim individuals among us (not you, of course…) can more easily recognize humor on a sub that’s devoted to it.
Try being a parent before judging one. Everything here rings true to someone with a young child and bills to pay.
Should be able to elicit an orgasm with oral in far less than 40 minutes.
Sure, if your SO is into it. Many aren’t.
Also, it’s not one or the other, variety is good.
Alright then. You win comment of the day.
What the fuck?
Hell no it’s way fun.
Or was way fun. I remember it being fun. I don’t want to have memories
If men had to jerk themselves off after piv just to cum, women would not take that well, just saying.
Incorrect. I’d much rather the guy finish himself off than hump me raw trying to get off. Sometimes it’s just not happening, and that’s okay!
lol I remember once with my last partner when I could tell she wasn’t really into it anymore, and like fine I got the intimacy I’m here for already so I’m good, so I proposed stopping and then she kinda got offended/confused that I hadn’t finished and like (1) yeah that’s fine that’s not my main goal here, and (2) neither did you fucker wtf is this double standard, we were literally just here for a quickie and I wanted physical contact, not to cum
Who is she?
I think that’s Jenny Gorelick.
Thank you!
Edit: I realize it says her name in the title. My bad.
Emasculated goes a bit far but I kinda get it. It doesnt bother me if a sexual encounter starts with a toy, but “let me grab my vibrator so I can finish” is a night that ends with me feeling like I’m not good enough and probably going to bed feeling bad about myself. It’s something thats turned a few dates into one night stands for me when I told them how it made me feel and they were dismissive of my feelings
This is a tough one without further context. Were you making diligent efforts to reciprocate pleasure and they gave even though you felt you were making inroads? Did you make it clear that you wanted to get them off without the vibrator and they were open to that but it wasn’t working?
I think the way you felt is fair. I think attentive partners want to reciprocate pleasure and ideally do it with just their presence if the situation allows. I wonder how they would have responded if you said you wanted to try without it or if they felt there would be deeper meaning (rather than pure hedonism) to not using the vibrator.
Meh if we’ve been drinking and it’s a first encounter, I am pretty sympathetic to the idea that we might not be in the right context to go through the seventeen step incantation to have everyone cum acoustically. It’s like onboarding a new employee - you have them make a token MR first and even that’s a push for literally day one. Maybe if it’s the third or fourth date and they are still just “ok clock is ticking I’m going to break out the big guns,” I might take exception, but first sex is always a bit of an ice breaker. Being like “ok stop, I need you to hit it from behind while pinching my nipple and reciting Chaucer for 25 minutes” is… fucking hot, but not necessarily first date material.
they were dismissive of my feelings
At least that’s a way to filter out bad people from your life
Please tell me you were joking. If she brought out the toy you weren’t good enough. She might be a bit difficult to get off, but taking it personally? Unless she kicked you to the curb, go back in and try some more!
It’s way more about anatomy than inadequacy. Many women can’t orgasm from PIV sex.
Personally, I am always delighted when someone I’ve just had sex with wants to orgasm in my presence. Never once hurt my feelings.
I am trying really hard to not sex shame anyone in this thread, but fuck me, mutual masterbation is almost more intimate than intercourse these days.
If they can’t get off from PIV and want a vibration to get over the edge, that shouldn’t affect your feelings about adequacy. Unless you can vibrate your dick at 500rpm, it’s not you.
You can sort of emulate a vibrator with the bridge of your nose and humming really loud, just saying
What the fuck is this technique haha
I’m just in here taking notes.
The ole Clit Kazoo
Instructions unclear, phrenum is spasming at about 8hz
I hate how people just say shit now, and everyone takes it as a fact. Its kinda like guys saying that they cant cum because the girl isnt tight enough. No, mate. Your fucking death grip is just never gonna be bested by a vagina or an arsehole. In that same vein, if you need a vibrator to cum, youre clearly hitting that shit too much. If youre adding the vibrator in sometimes cos its fun, thats a different story.
Wonder how she’d feel if instead of her needing a physical aid, it would be him needing a visual aid.
It’s like, if Mia Khalifa is on your team … Are you mad that she scored more points than you?
If the guy has trouble reaching orgasm, sure. But in most straight relationships I’m familiar with it tends to go the other way, where the female partner needs more help to finish.
An e-bike wouldn’t do much for Jonas Vingegaard, but it can be a game changer for someone who struggles with gentle hills.
in most straight relationships I’m familiar with
So because it doesn’t happen to you, it doesn’t happen to anyone. Ok.
It’s probably a little bit rarer than the other way around, but male anorgasmia exists especially as men get older.
But as usual, male feelings and sexual problems are ridiculed and swept under the rug as unimportant.
they are different senses, doesn’t really work as an analogy
a super tight fleshlight would probably work better, which can also vibrate
Dont even need that, plenty of dudes have issues where they prefer porn and masturbation to intimacy with their partner.
i dont have a partner, but i am (trying) to get over a porn/masturbation addiction myself right now…it’s…way tougher than it feels like it should be, but then i guess really thinking back it’s an addiction i’v had nearly 15+ years now.
so i guess it’s no surprise some people have that issue continue while being in relationship
Its a much bigger societal problem than people want to admit. Good on you for admitting its an addiction, being aware of negative consequences is a big part of overcoming something. There are support groups for this stuff and it can help to have people who you can talk to that yoy might be embarrassed to talk to friends and family about.
they are different senses, doesn’t really work as an analogy
It works just fine. Men tend to be more visually oriented, for women the physical part is often the limiting factor to reach a climax.
In both cases something external is added to get over the other party’s “inadequacies”.
The nuance I feel you might be overlooking is your so-called visual aid is just someone else’s hot bod (as much as it is mostly artificial) and it might signal to your partner that you don’t find her physique attractive enough, whereas the use of sex toys or physical aids as you put it would be your partner’s way of signaling that her pleasure is not exclusively centered on your penis or its size. Even in phallic shaped toys designed for penetration, there’s always something else reputable manufacturers include, be it vibration, texture, shape, simultaneous clitoral stimulation, suction, etc. And none of these are meant to substitute your own physique and the intimacy you bring to the table (or the bed, or the couch, or the shower hehe).
I think the poster below makes a good point that toys designed for men such as fleshlights would be a more apt comparison. And the reverse for the example you provide would be something akin to needing the visual aid of Johnny Sins to get off. If we were to talk about getting off during your little lovemaking session by the chemistry and the fantasy on screen in porn - and both parties were ok with and equally excited by it -, then I’d also find no issue with that (albeit, I do think there are healthier ways to go about).
When it comes to sex, it all eventually comes down to communication and respect. And if your boundaries to feeling comfortable draw a line against using sex toys, then that’s you and your partner needs to respect your feelings as well. I just feel like it’s a shame if people are missing out, because their own insecurities equate a dildo or a vibrator (or whatever) to a substitute for your penis, your body, and your active role during sexy times, because they definitely are not.
I would have no issue with vibrator usage, since that’s a tool, not a person. But I don’t think I want anyone else dunking on my gf while I make the alley-oop.
From the emasculated male perspective, LeBron is the competitor, not your teammate.
Even if the guy just plays basketball as a hobby, I’m walking.
While I comple agree with her, you’re right that metaphor is kind of … meh. Like I get what she’s trying to say it’s just that you can twist that metaphor in some uncomfortable ways.
Btw the magic wand is the answer if you don’t like the vibrator idea
Btw the magic wand is the answer if you don’t like the vibrator idea
The magic wand…vibrator?
Well one is internal use, and the other is external……usually
What? There are many different types of vibrators. Some are internal, some external, some are both!
I was specifically referring to the magic wand. Which was intended to be external but the internet has proven that people get creative in their quests to void warranties
which one? the vibrator or the vibrator?
I first misread and thought she was using the toy on the guy.
Which can be emasculating in a fun way btw
As a guy, it can be amazing in the right hands. I kind of feel bad for guys who are too closed minded to experiment in the bedroom.
It’s like people who only eat meat and potatoes. Which is fine, but there’s a whole world out there and so many ways to climax harder than one would think was possible.
![[Jenny Gorelick] Co-Stars](https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/82526c18-e403-4b8c-86fd-80996e8e7229.webp){kind=link}