In my late teens, maybe 20 I worked in a restaurant and got invited to a party after work in a very rough part of town. So rough that the taxi driver wouldn’t let us get out until we found the exact address (this would have been mid nineties so well before GPS nav was popular).

Anyway we get there. Folks are nice. Maybe ten in total plus the 4 of us from work. They’re rough around the edges but generally salt of the earth characters which I love so it’s all going well. Get chatting to one lad and he shows me his new tattoo on his forearm that his friend had done for him.

It was a palm tree on a tiny desert island with a dude sitting against the tree smoking a massive joint.

Now this monstrosity was one colour, all outlines, looked like it was done with a compass from your school pencil case and my 11 year old would have done a better job. It’s very difficult to describe just how shite it was.

Felt really sorry for the lad. He was definitely going to regret it if he didn’t already. Never forgot that tattoo though.

Mr. Cool ICE 💀

Some nazi shit

I mean, there’s definitely gonna be worse out there, but I once saw a tattoo on an online post, of presumably their date of birth in roman numerals.
Problem is, there was only one “M”, so it looked something like: IV/X/MCXCIV

But I figured, alright, let’s not assume things, maybe they’re a history buff and something cool happened on that day in 1194.
But if I remember correctly, I found some list of all Wikipedia articles for specific dates and that day did not have an article, because nothing noteworthy had happened.

So, yeah, I guess we do have to assume that they are in fact a vampire.

I have a line tattooed on my leg, I lived with a guy who had a tattoo setup, one day I was home alone, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllly fuckin drunk and stoned, so I decided to tattoo myself, did a little nirvana face thing, then, while I had the tattoo gun in my hand, resting on my leg, I passed out, my foot pressed the pedal and I tattooed a thick line in my leg, woke up as second after and just left it.

I only ever tattooed myself when I was kind of drunk from then on.

Girl I know has a slice of drippy cheese pizza on her arm. Can’t even really give a reason for it.

I once shared a hospital room with two old geezers after surgery, and one of them had a visit from their grandson. The dude had Nazi tattoos all over his face, swastikas, SS lighting bolts, 88’s, the iron cross, the whole collection.

When the Nazi loser left, the old guy complained to us others in the room: “Lovely kid that… Such a shame he cannot get a job. I cannot understand why! Such a decent boy, has a forklift drivers license and everything!”

So yeah, in total that might have been the densest occurrence of idiocy I have ever witnessed.

This is hardly the dumbest one originally but I worked construction in high school and college. One old dude had gotten “RESPECT” tattooed on his abs in his youth. By the time I met him, he had a beer belly and had had some injuries and surgeries. It was just a completely different font/message.

By contrast, the best tattoo I’ve seen is a friend who is a musician. She has musical notes tattooed behind her ears. You wouldn’t even know if she did her hair a certain way (for a job interview or something) but when she was ready to party, the musical notes were on display.

I also knew a guy who was an artist who had an amazing sleeve. He obviously cared about the artistic aspect; he literally flew to Japan multiple times to have it done because he cared that much about being a canvas for the specific artist he chose. That was the most impressive. I like the subtlety of the music notes but I’m not against going all out. It’s really the middle-ground — like a drunk tattoo that meant something at the time — where people regret it later.

Poorly drawn Cliff Richard seen on a woman’s shoulder in Blackpool (of course).

My brother got Loser down one of his sideburns. Everybody uses it against him every once in a while.

Not “THE” dumbest, but my older half-sister got a breakup tattoo that said “you’re loss” a couple of years ago… I don’t understand how neither she nor her tattooist took 5 seconds to look up the spelling. And getting a breakup tattoo in the first place is dumb enough.

I came across a Twitch streamer with his username tattooed across his knuckles in Norse Runes, except it was spelled wrong. He had ᚦ (Th) in place of ᚲ (K or C) which is far from similar in pronunciation. A quick Google search of the wiki page for Norse Runes could have avoided this issue too.

I know a guy who got Abe Simpson crawling out of his butt crack.

I saw this one kid, with a tattoo of a butt on his butt. He kept pulling his shirt up over his head. He said he was from lake titicaca. That boy wasn’t right.