I completely stopped caring about 2 years ago, I realized I was never going to do anything with my good look and that I will never get into a relationship in my life, so I just figured out “what’s the point then, I’m already invisible to women?” And I don’t care about my health tbh…
Since I don’t have kids or my own family I could just disappear and nothing would happen. No, I’m not thinking about extreme stuff to end my life, I just stopped caring and now eat a lot and drink.
If I’m going to be alone and feeling sad, at least let me eat something good and greasy. Still, I’m just 100 KG at 34 years old right now, just skinny fat… For now.
I know you don’t care, but I was in the same position as you. I gave up and tried to drown myself in food and alcohol.
Things can change. Even if you are 100% sure right now that they won’t. When they changed for me, my mind and body already had irreparable damage. My memory suffered from the alcohol, my body will forever look ugly from the rapid weight gain. No amount of working out can fix that.
What I am trying to say is: Even if you don’t believe in it, your attitude can change. Just like that, from one day to the next. Then you will regret your choices, but the damage is already done. Remember that.
You can eat well and not gain weight.
Anyways if you want to give up at thirty-four it’s your choice but life hasn’t even started.
Bullshit. The last part.
How much experience do you have being thirty-five?
I’m sad that you were made to think this way. That you don’t consider yourself important enough to care about yourself. You never need to “look good for others”. Fuck that BS. I’m going to be 40 this year. These last few years I’ve been really experimenting with my looks. Never standing still, never stopping. You’re not a painting to be put in a frame and stand still. You’re a living, feeling being. Take care
No, I’m not free. And I’m not important in this world, majority isn’t. And I don’t have kids or a wife. If I disappear in the grand scheme of things, nothing really valuable has been lost.
Is complete bullshit that we’re equal or that we all have the same “value”.
I know how you feel. Don’t worry. I’ve been there, I will be there again. I take meds to not feel this way all the time.
Here’s something trippy: if , you disappeared EVERYTHING would change FOR YOU. The world as you know it would cease to exist. All options all routes …gone.
Am I important for the world? I am the most important person in MY world, because without me, it wouldn’t exist.
If I disappear nothing would change because I’ll be fucking dead and will stop feeling sadness or anything.
You got sold on the capitalist rat race, friend. It’s not a competition. There’s so much stuff you could do that you haven’t even considered that’s way better than the stuff you’re thinking on. Stow away on a ship, climb a mountain, build a birdhouse, grow a garden, create a lascivious interpretive dance that you do in the town square until they throw you in the nuthouse now you need to charm the doctors to get out.
Think outside the box before you spend so much time thinking you’re not good enough for some random criteria.
I’m not going to do any of that.
Why not?
Why is the default response for “nobody even knows I exist” to curl up in a ball and bitch about it on the Internet?
If there is nothing holding you back, then you can do anything you want. What do you have to lose if you feel like you have nothing?
And if your response is that you don’t have the motivation or mindset, or you can’t bring yourself to care… buddy, that’s a mental health issue, and there are people who’s job it is to help people experiencing the same things.
I hope your outlook changes and you find peace and happiness my friend
Exactly. Look good for yourself not for others.
But even uf you dont care about your looks, working out is really good for physical and mental health
Already said it, I really don’t care if I die young.
Health does not just mean having a long lifespan. It is about enjoying the lifetime you get.
Life is much more enjoyable with a healthy body and mind.
I was fit before and arguably even more miserable. The whole gym bro shit is bullshit.
Being fit does not mean being ‘gym bro’. I am 34 and obese. I am actively dieting and working out in order to lose weight, not because I want to be attractive or live forever, but because doing basic daily tasks was hell. I existed in a world where casually walking 10 minutes to work meant I was so warm and sweaty that I needed to shower. I could not squat or kneel down to pick things up or my knees would burn with pain. I was not healthy. My weight caused me to snore, making me more tired. I was walking around like a geriatric at the age of 32.
You don’t have to be a fitness guru who eats kale and chugs protein shakes to be healthy, but the giving up entirely is 100% more miserable than having basic mobility. And it’s a lot harder to come back from when you’re too heavy to work out to your full capacity.
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At least that’s better than being overweight as I get older.
How could you say something so controversial, yet so brave?
As a fat dude, I assure you, being fat sucks. It gets expensive; “enough” food for a meal slowly creeps up, your feet hurt all the time and can increase in size (making it harder to find shoes that fit, which are generally a higher starting price). A lot more health issues can crop up and can be harder to treat properly. Lack of energy is fucking awful.
Those women don’t deserve you. Live your life for your own enjoyment. But keeping a healthy weight is important to enjoy your later life.
Well this was certainly a nice pity party.
Yeah, OP’s responses are somewhere between nihilistic and suicidal. There won’t be any meaningful discussion here. Others are trying, that isn’t what he wants to hear.
I have never been in good shape, allways overweight, I used to feel ashamed about it, but once I hit thirty I simply realized that there is no point to feeling ashamed, doing so only harms me and my attempts to get into a less bad shape.
I used to not care that much, but I got stupidly into mountain biking and city ebiking and just injured my knee when I crashed over an unseen curb in the dark. Now I’m getting biking withdrawal and serious FOMO as I stay inside while newly made bike friends are out biking. I feel like…itchy from not getting outside and really doing stuff with friends. My goddamned knee better heal up ASAP, lol.
I didn’t even know I could even get this antsy as I only picked up city biking recently. Now I feel like I’m chained to my apartment and car and the vanishinly rare $30/hr parking spots in the city, lol.
I think more than anything, you can get into just about anything given a couple great experiences doing something. Grab an ebike or stand up paddleboard and go on some adventures, relationships be damned. You don’t have to be in a relationship to have some serious fun on the water :)
If you’re here to feel sorry for yourself, well, congrats.
If you’re here to actually discuss - you were doing it for the wrong reasons if your entire goal behind your health and fitness was finding a relationship. And health and fitness aside, making large parts of your life purely about “getting into a relationship” is a terrible idea as well. Discover your interests. Try some hobbies. Maybe they are sports and fitness, maybe they aren’t. Meet people who share your interests. Men and women. Meet them to make friends and be social and share your passions with others. At some point along that journey, when you’re a self confident person who knows what you like about yourself and what you’re passionate about, you’ll probably accidentally find someone who also likes those things about you, and loves your passions.
Or, I mean, imply to strangers on the Internet that you’re possibly considering self harm. It won’t get you anywhere but if that’s what makes you feel good, I’m not going to stop you.
EDIT: I made the mistake of looking at your post history. Save everyone around here some time and stop dumping your misery all over the place. If you want to be your own personal storm cloud regardless of what anyone says, fine. Stop trying to be everyone else’s too. God damn, dude.
In my experience it can be extremely hard not to obsess on being in a relationship if it has been years (or forever) since your last one. Then eventually you get in one, and inevitably realize you are an idiot.
I don’t think your advice is bad by any means… but once you’re in the mindset of needing a relationship to feel complete, it is REALLY hard to get out.
Great edit however
At 50ish. I have started to care more.
Having seen first hand how miserable old unfit people are made me create a backup plan to die early
Halfway through that first Presidential Fitness Test back in elementary school.
You and me both.
Not too many years after that nightmare, I was perfectly capable of enjoying thru-hiking, carrrying exactly same weight anyone else would have been, moving at same speed on rough terrain, etc. Still couldn’t run a mile - or much shorter distances - in my wildest dreams. Didn’t matter, I was in exactly the shape I wanted to be in, for the things I cared about.
Can’t do it anymore, my body widely conspired against me in various ways, but glad I was capable of it and have the memories. If I had been able to run a mile, but not hike any distance with weight, I’d be alot less happy about what I had achieved at that point.
The brain truly is a fucked up machine that wants itself to feel as terrible as possible. The way it does this is by giving large short term rewards to stuff that make you feel worse and worse long term.
Working out and living healthily is not about seducing people, it’s about making yourself feel better by engaging in stuff that yields long term rewards, even though they feel like fruitless efforts in the moment to moment gameplay of dopamine.
Having gone there and back my experience is that giving up feels really good, but in a much more real sense it feels terrible. And just reading your post I can see you feel terrible.
The good news is when you’re that low, any sustained effort can make you feel a bit better. Seeking professional help is one that’s a bit hard to start but a bit easier to ritualize into a habit.
Was pretty much the other way round for me, realized around age 25 or so that I’d spend the later part of my life feeling like shit with constant back problems if I didn’t get out more. So these days I make a point of getting out on my bike or going on longer walks at least a couple times a week. Not for looks or women, but for myself.
Please get help in having a more positive lookout to life. Be it therapy, a new and (hopefully) fulfilling hobby, philosophy, anything. And, on the other side of the same problem: try getting rid of habits that make you unhappy. Otherwise you are going to spiral downward.
Not what I’ve asked.
Not what you asked, but what you need to hear instead.
Sure, it’s easier not to confront any of your problems, and act like 100kg is still “skinny fat” somehow. But wallowing in self-pity isn’t going to make anything better, and it’s the worst for your social life, which in turn is the worst for your mental health.
I don’t expect you’ll hear this either, and that’s okay. I hope you find your way out of your misery at some point.
You’re right I won’t.
