Don’t grow up super religious and become a conservative operative on Capitol Hill for 7 years. Just trust me, it’s not as good as it sounds.
I think a lot of people might be interested in your story right now.
Tell people in your life what they mean to you and that you love them.
Often and always, you never know how much time you have together.Call your mom, dad, your grandparents, spend time with your kids, with your nieces and nephew. Tell them all, that you are proud of them or grateful for them and that you love them.
We always think we have all the time in the world to spend with family and people we love. But if one of their lives is cut short, you might regret it forever!
Also, after breaking with my parents, and telling my kids I love them, I realized how very rare it was for my father to tell me he loves me. So, tell people what they mean to you and that you love them because it might not seem like much at the moment, but it means a lot in the long run.
Some people can’t do that because their parents will use that against them. They love their parents but need to maintain a certain emotional distance so they don’t leverage that for emotional blackmail.
Of course who you tell is not universally the same. Just tell the people that are important to you. It doesn’t matter if that is your biological family or your chosen one.
When your partner complains they can’t screw other people because you’re away for a week, you might be dating someone you can’t fully trust long-term.
If you’re good at something, even if you don’t enjoy it, it might still make a good career. You don’t have to love what makes you money, just not hate it. If you’re good enough, you end up with a lot more free time for yourself. Doing what you love can also cause you to hate doing it as a hobby eventually. People don’t “love” their jobs. You don’t see them paying to do their job like they do for tennis lessons or sports events. You probably just tolerate your job, and that’s ok. Your life isn’t ruined.
Stay away from even legal drugs if you realize they affect you differently from the norm / other people. You might end up spending a couple nights in a hospital.
Alcohol is not really good for your body or mind.
Don’t just go for a shallow understanding of concepts. Learn and reason through them completely in your own way and you’ll never forget them. You’ll also be better prepared to use and extend them.
A solid sleep schedule is good for building a routine. A crazy sleep schedule can make you more creative. Choose a balance.
Know how food impacts you. You maybe eating something that drains you for decades without even realizing it. Introduce things one by one and see how you feel and think.
What people think about you does matter to an extent. It’s good to have confidence in yourself, but you can also be overconfident. It’s also ok to be a little judgmental at times about things that are important to you. You don’t have to be a dick about it though.
Solid advice all around
If you’re good at something, even if you don’t enjoy it, it might still make a good career. You don’t have to love what makes you money, just not hate it. If you’re good enough, you end up with a lot more free time for yourself. Doing what you love can also cause you to hate doing it as a hobby eventually. People don’t “love” their jobs. You don’t see them paying to do their job like they do for tennis lessons or sports events. You probably just tolerate your job, and that’s ok. Your life isn’t ruined.
This so many times over.
I spent years trying to get a job I loved.
Ended up getting a different job that I was kinda good at.
Turns out, being good at a job every day makes you feel good at the end of the day.
Alcohol is not good for your body or mind
From my therapist: In the absence of a crystal ball the best predictor of someone’s future behavior is their past behavior.
OMG, so good!
Think twice before lending money.
Don’t lend money that you expect to get back.
This is the way
I don’t lend.
If they need money and I can afford it, I’ll just make a gift of it.
If I can’t afford it, they can’t have it.
If she says she’s on birth control but you haven’t seen it, dont believe her. If she pressures you not to use a condom, don’t consent. Don’t marry someone before you’ve known them well for a few years. Don’t ignore red flags, such as them telling you that they see other people as pawns or them pressuring you to empty your 401k to put it into their financial/realestate schemes. If your partner doesn’t treat you with kindness and respect right now, then they are never going to, no matter how many times they say they will if you would only just do this or be that - nothing will ever be good enough for that kind of person, period, full stop. And, no, they won’t change, no matter how much you do, and no matter how much you love them. Do learn what “love bombing” is. Then find out if someone is grossly irresponsible with money or hiding a severe alcohol problem before you move in with them. There are a lot of people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness and naivety, if you let them, so be mindful of how people treat you and those around them before you make commitments to them.
Not everyone is awful.
red flags don’t stand out to you when you’re wearing rosy tinted glasses.
Nice!
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Do NOT invite anyone into your home that you do not know. And do NOT save someone from eviction and have them live with you if you only barely know them.
I just went through six months of hell with two freeloading pieces of shit who never cleaned up after themselves and almost never lifted a finger to help in the house — all while getting free room and board, free food, etc.
My kid happened to be friends with a kid whose 64 year old mother (kid was adopted) got evicted and we knew them in passing for a good decade. We were the ONLY ones to help, despite them being a part of a church with hundreds of people.
I now know exactly why no one helped them, and know exactly why they were evicted.
Just don’t do it. It’s not worth the stress and the money.
I had a similar experience, took a friend in for about a year after he lost his job. He just spiraled deeper into depression, I burned a ton of social capital trying to get him out of the house to make friends. He spray painted things on my patio without putting down a drop cloth, broke things inside the house, constantly complained about how crappy or small my house was, while never paying a penny towards it. He was just constantly grumpy and rude, and was completely shocked when I asked him to move out. He kept saying how it was good for him to live with me and just couldn’t conceive that it was awful for me.
Classic selfish narcissism. It feels a tad better knowing I’m not the only one to have dealt with people like that, but it pains me that you and others, who have been as selfless and giving, are treated just as poorly as my family and house was.
Holy shit, are you me? We’re going through the same thing. A not close friend of mine got evicted so his landlord could renovate his apartment and he has been living with us for six months now, for free. He stays in his room and plays video games all day, every day. He has no job. He subsists on dry cereal unless we feed him. He barely interacts with us. He doesn’t do anything to help with chores, instead agreeing to assist and then just “forgetting”. He sleeps from 6 am to 2 pm and is up all fucking night. We only know if he’s awake because we can hear him playing games.
We told him two months ago that he needs to leave by now but he still has no job and no prospects. My wife, him, and I are in our fifties. We have a 55 year old child.
That sounds so familiar except this was a 64 year old woman and her 16 year old adopted daughter. The mother stayed in the room we provided, with a king sized bed, an Amazon echo, a Roku flat panel 55” TV and only left to eat ramen (that was her “cereal”), poop, and take her daughter wherever she needed to go.
People are selfish assholes. Period. And I will never again waste my money or time or stress or effort or anything on anyone that I don’t know extremely well.
I’m sorry you are also going through this. If you notified by official letter to get out of your house by a specific date, according to your laws, (and have him sign it), then you are within your rights (at least in the US in every state), typically, to have the county sheriff remove them.
My state requires 60 days notice, so on July 1, we gave these freeloaders official notice to vacate by 5pm on Aug 30. They finally left yesterday. They didn’t clean anything. They didn’t even sit down and show any appreciation. And they have the gall to ask for a things they left behind after rushing to pack and leave yesterday.
I basically told the mom to go fuck herself in many words. They wasted $5000 of our money over this time, and even their religion they hold so dear didn’t force them to be good people and do the right things.
(Shouting this to everyone who would listen…) NEVER take anyone in. Unless it’s family you trust or a really, really good friend that you’ve known for a long time.
We’re not in the US and, where we live, to file for eviction we must take this to court for a judge to validate the reason for eviction. Typical eviction times range between 3-9 months. We’re going to try being such terrible flatmates that he decides to leave. No more free food or access to our toiletries. We’ll be blasting our music all day. I’m growing several konjac plants which produce flowers that smell like rotting meat.
If this doesn’t work, then we’ll take the legal route.
Ouch, I’m sorry it’s that difficult. Yet another reason to never take in anyone, if living in a country that has such laws that make it that difficult to remove freeloaders and squatters.
I don’t want to be that kind of a-hole. I had the best of intentions at the start of this. But there comes a moment when after being screwed so much, it’s time to put an end to it.
Good luck to you!!
Thanks! It’s annoying now but we’ll laugh about it someday. I’m glad your squatters are gone, it gives me hope.
I’ll toast a drink to us both!
if you start now, it will be over quick. best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago and all that. start the paperwork, move forward.
That’s a really good point and I can’t disagree. Worst case, our annoyance tactics fail and we have the court proceedings already in motion. You’re totally right.
Could also try bribing them. My brother owned a condo for a bit, until he got frustrated with bad tenants. When he needed one to leave, he found bribing them the best answer, even with very little tenant protection where he lives. If you start eviction proceedings, now you have a pissed off tenant in your property who can do any amount of damage that will be expensive to repair. Instead, he’d say “I’ll give you $200 to be out next weekend” and it worked pretty well while being cheaper than legal proceedings
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Wow that sucks. I feel for him and you too. Being that age and not having your life figured out seems daunting.
Seconded.
I had a mate who didn’t speak with his parents, lost his job and left his partner.
Took him in, rent free for 6 months. Got him on his feet, he got a new job and 6 months later he left… With my 10 year relationship. And my cat (but to be fair my ex was a vet so it made sense that she took him)
I thought he was a friend.
How nice of him, he took the trash out as he left.
Wow.
Leo? Is that you?
Because this sounds very close but also very far from reality, as per usual with you. If it is you, your wife left you not because I’m somehow Don Juan yet a loser, she left you because you’re a bipolar narcissistic asshole with psychopathic tendencies (we’ve looked up the symptoms, it matches) and you’ve made her life hell for 20 years. Wives cannot be stolen, that’s not how anything works.
Just about everything you wrote about her or I is a lie, and your pathological need to be loved while being an asshole would be sad, if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re such an asshole who tries to control literally everyone around him with money.
You keep claiming you’re the best husband, best father, best boss, and that everyone loves you so much because you’re the best but reality is that people don’t love you, they hate and or fear you, and only are around you for your money.
Nope, not me.
Mine was a 10 year relationship and she wasn’t my wife…
Sounds like you have someone who is (or was) in your life who shouldn’t be.
I also work disability support - I have no money to throw around ;)
What the fuck
Don’t be afraid of therapy, especially if you have anxiety.
If you are a teenager and you currently feel like you have failed at being a man/woman/heterosexual/whatever, then there is a 79.8% chance you are some form of LGBTQ. Stop beating yourself up and start exploring instead. You’ll be happy you did.
You could also be autistic and have the same experience like me or even both
Me too actually
Or you could just be comparing yourself to the unreasonably high standards set by archaic cultural norms.
Basically if you’re a teenager and think you’re failing at life: No, you aren’t, just give yourself some more time to figure things out.
Isn’t ‘failing at life’ the normal teenage feeling? It sucks, but it will pass.
Exactly, just because your parents or grandparents were married and had good jobs at 18 and bought a house with cash at 20 while having their 3rd child. That’s not normal anymore. Do your best with what you have, and repeat to yourself “I’m not responsible for the economy. Things don’t work the same way they did 20 or 40 years ago.”
Also works
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honestly, as a 30 yo cishet man, fuck gender and sexuality. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy
Hey you’re like seven steps ahead of me.
I only entered the phase of hating society instead of myself when I was like twenty-three.
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Important note: just because at some point you felt attraction to people of opposite sex, doesn’t automatically disqualify you from LGBTQ
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The opposite is also true. Just relax and like who you like. Sexuality is a spectrum. Just don’t worry about it and didn’t stress about who you’re attracted to.
Citation on that? I’m sure it’s possible, but weirdly-specific percentages with no citation make me suspicious.
In in my, it was just a lot of factors of upbringing and had really weird ideals and probably a dash of neurodivergence that combined to give me this feeling. Getting out of the environment I was in, getting some mental help, etc. solved that for me.
The percentage is just a quirky way of saying it’s a high chance, dw about it.
check where your retirement and savings are invested. buy a low cost index fund (fidelity and vanguard have great ones).
do not invest in any funds that have high fees. (there are plenty of good funds with fees around 0.1%)
I split my savings between:
- total domestic stock index
- total international stock index
- cash/money market/bonds
- a small amount in a sector fund with higher growth potential (e. g. tech) or risky investments
Be true to yourself and don’t be afraid to say how you feel. That’s what it means to be human; no one gets extra points for hiding it.
Find someone you can share the good and the bad. Someone who won’t judge you for how things turned out. Someone who will just listen and appreciate you being there. Be that person to them as well.
It doesn’t have to be a partner. It may or may not be your parents. But find that person. And never let them go. You may not talk for years even. But always remember them.
I like everything except that last part. DO MAINTENANCE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE. Not enough people maintain relationships
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Just get the tattoo. Your parents are already disappointed anyway. Live your life.
I’d worry more about disappointing your future self than your parents.
idk man I’ve seen some pretty bad tattoos
No ragerts
Per your advice I got a tattoo of Anna and Elsa 69ing on my cheek, thanks!
I’m proud of you!
You’re the first one, thanks! :D
