I, just wanna stop feeling anything. Never had friends but I could live with that, but I just want someone to embrace, someone that feels something for me, even if doesn’t last. Better than 0 for the rest of my life. This situation is slowly killing me.
The only thing that gives me some relief is gaming… (I read the post of like a week ago here that several dudes met their partner thanks to a videogame and I felt even sadder, why that wasn’t me? I’ve been gaming for 30 years now).
Work on meeting your own needs, inner and outer. Strangely, when you are whole within yourself (I’m not talking about rich, good looking, live in a certain area and drive a certain car, I’m talking about addressing things within your means and loving you, for who you are, inside out, taking care of yourself, parenting yourself --healthiest foods you can acquire on your budget, regular mental and physical hygeine, spiritual if that applies to you, a running gratitude list regardless, so you focus on the positive, even if small), you glow, and people are attracted to positivity.
Along with all the great answers being supplied about what to do to be out there in the world, what you are proposing can’t be overstated; I would make explicit in that to take an ongoing frank look at how you show up in life
Idk about OP here, but with so many similar posts I notice, for instance, people who basically blame others, or wallow in a woe is me attitude, all the while putting down any suggestions floated their way. We are the common denominator in our own lives. Learning to be honest about our role in things is crucial
Yes. Sure; and most are too shell -shocked to accept that, at first. I certainly was, at least. In my personal opinion, most of us need a little nurturing and time to allow spiritual bones to knit back together a bit first, so the elementary work offers a brief respite from the hamster wheel until we become able to work through the 12th year coursework and get off the wheel. I guess post secondary learns how to stay off the wheel for extended periods, and post grad is a whole other wheel we choose, for self-development in appropriate levels for appropriate times.
There a balance between being gentle and mollycoddling, and each individual and circumstance dictate that balance. And as always, “new levels, new devil’s.” Ourselves being the first, middle, last pit boss, always. We just use others as mirrors and kid ourselves about it, sometimes, for funnies and development, in equal measure. The really neat trick for me, is learning how to STAY PRESENT, in the present moment, especially when it’s painful, because that’s where I’ll find the most answers, doing the homework. In the end, that’s justice, and the difference between karma and dharma has just as often seemed to be in millimeters, as often, if not more often, than light years.
It’s all the same dude. You can line up the creation of each account to the time the previous one was banned going back like 2 months now. He’s on I think his 14th account now. OP is a ban evader, an incel, and persistent troll.
And here I am trying to help this guy with suggestions. You’re right - there’s like 15 people doing the same thing. Same attitude, same responses, same “no can do” attitude. Gotta be the same person - shame on me for falling for it.
That’s why I’ve spent a little bit of effort keeping track of all of OP’s accounts and calling him out. Because his trolling is very effective. His writing style is really good at pulling on people’s heartstrings and then when they show any kind of sympathy he makes them regret it by wasting their time with his nonsense.
Strictly speaking, I’m not an incel (femcel?) if that’s what you’re getting at, in fact I’m an asexual. I am technically an infren (femfren? The suffix “fren” is used to denote a social angle.) though because of all the incels. The things I score low on that stand in the way of me and a good circle are A) conversationalist skills B) the capacity to fulfill physical needs (I’m told I look like I’d work out but that’s as far as it would go) C) opportunities (I did fall to the bottom of popularity at school, so being someone’s classmate/workmate cannot save me) and D) hobbies. There are also a few things about me that rub a lot of people the wrong way, my orientation being the prime one of these.
I’m not one of those people who cares about wealth, good looks, etc. I’m just genuinely someone who is on her own a lot, more socially than in terms of coupling. For a few reasons, I am a fish out of water in my area, which is to me what Rock Bottom was to Spongebob. I can’t expand on the few unreachable freebie friends I have so as long as I score a zero in conversationalism and so as long as neither school or work has helped in this regard. The most interaction I get a day is with my pup, and I barely speak a dozen or so sentences a day. On top of all that, almost everyone wants me to be their GF/mate/whatever, leading to the added precaution of socialization traps, not least since I have an awkwardly low drive or physical focus, and I’m talking mostly about people who won’t take no for an answer. I’ve only ever fully (as opposed to interpretively incompletely) obliged once, and despite us still being close, that’s a part of how I ever knew the difference in the first place.
My darling, it sounds as if you have very low self esteem. That’s a learned belief, and a survival mechanism. How accessible is therapy to you? Better if good therapy is available, but that’s pricey where I live. I can’t give you a hug irl; please wrap your arms around yourself and know, just know, that’s a long, firm cyber hug from me. Best best best to you, and I’ve to begin another level of study on my vocational path and it is intense. So if I don’t reply for some days, just know my time is so very scant and I will reply as I can.
Or maybe, you know? Life sucks in general for some of us? Therapy won’t do shit for us.
That’s a victim/lack mentality. And life will continue to suck as long as you continue to wallow in it. I guess I would know, since I stayed in it for decades. I got tired of it enough that I went into therapy for another decade, longer if you count the off and on. After I couldn’t afford a good therapist, I had a nde due to a physical assault, which led to a complete ego death, and that can only go three ways: flight it and end up institutionalized or on the streets; surrender into it and do the work to come out better, surrender into it, then get arrogant again and life starts sucking again. Your choice.
Of course none of that needed to happen, if I’d had good, consistent therapy available on a continuing basis, or effectively learned some of the other techniques Iike replacing negative self talk with encouraging and empowering self talk, self soothing, self nurturing.
In the end, the choice is yours: get sicker and life gets worse; or do the necessary hard work to get better, and realize it will also suck, for a time, be patient, with others and yourself, have a daily gratitude practice. Either way, no one’s coming to save you, since no one can save you but you. And that’s not going to happen until you decide your actually worth doing all that hard, dirty work, for as long as it takes.