I, just wanna stop feeling anything. Never had friends but I could live with that, but I just want someone to embrace, someone that feels something for me, even if doesn’t last. Better than 0 for the rest of my life. This situation is slowly killing me.
The only thing that gives me some relief is gaming… (I read the post of like a week ago here that several dudes met their partner thanks to a videogame and I felt even sadder, why that wasn’t me? I’ve been gaming for 30 years now).
Strictly speaking, I’m not an incel (femcel?) if that’s what you’re getting at, in fact I’m an asexual. I am technically an infren (femfren? The suffix “fren” is used to denote a social angle.) though because of all the incels. The things I score low on that stand in the way of me and a good circle are A) conversationalist skills B) the capacity to fulfill physical needs (I’m told I look like I’d work out but that’s as far as it would go) C) opportunities (I did fall to the bottom of popularity at school, so being someone’s classmate/workmate cannot save me) and D) hobbies. There are also a few things about me that rub a lot of people the wrong way, my orientation being the prime one of these.