My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.
What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁
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How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
5yo love gross humor
They definitely do!
Has she discovered the use of puns yet? I would recommend those cheesy dad-joke books and the joke pages from copies of Reader’s Digest.
She’s discovered the concept, along with jokes, she doesn’t quite “get” them yet. She gets the basic idea, but not the subtleties that make them work. The results are cute, but horrifically bad.
Have you done banana banana banana orange yet? Can be retold many ways by kids who didn’t quite get the pun, like “grape you glad I’m not a banana.” Hilarious every time, when you’re the 5 year old.
How about elephant jokes? There are so many of those.
What is blue but doesn’t weigh very much? Light blue
So good
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stickWhat’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)
The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What big brown and sticky? A big stick.
What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.
Que flat confused look.
5 years olds can be a tough crowd.
Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:
Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”
Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”
I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.
Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.
I thought queue came from French
Originally, yes.
But in present usage Americans say “line” while Brits say “queue.”
I’m not sure about other Anglophone places.
There’s a few spellings I apparently have blind spot for. That is definitely one of them.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and you’ll find out!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because it didn’t have any body to go with
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it
Wow, I’ve heard both of these with different punchlines:
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Lettuce out, it’s cold in here!
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Because it didn’t have the guts.
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A big hole was dug at the police station. They’re currently looking into it.
Why do firefighters wear red suspenders? Keeps their pants up.
I would suggest a book of jokes specifically for kids. Like this one.
It’s free on Kindle Unlimited. You don’t even have to let your daughter know that you’re getting them from a book.
Assuming Kindle Unlimited is a paid service, the book isn’t free.
everything is free if you know where to look for it 🏴☠️
OMG! You’re technically correct but added nothing to the conversation! Congratulations!
It helped me out
Be careful you’re not getting something written by AI that is not just terrible, but completely inappropriate. A human author could also do that, but…
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Cause his mommy got stuck in a jam.
Yes, let’s get the kid started with dark humor.
It was either that or a washing machine.
Guess what? Chicken butt.
I have some sense of self preservation. She’s bad enough right now calling everyone a banana!
Why’d the cookie go to the hospital?
He was feeling crummy!
What’d the envelope say to the stamp?
Stick with me, kid, we’ll go places.
What has five toes and is not your foot?
My foot!
That one should definitely get a groan out of her teacher!
From: plutopiaworld
Why shouldn’t you go the forest at noon?
That’s when the ripe elephants fall from the trees.Why does the alligator have such a flat nose?
Because he went to the forest at noon.Bonus points if you space them out a bit with unrelated jokes.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Bah-dum-tsss.
Q: What do you call a large amphibious mammal with a huge mouth, large teeth, fat body and goes around swearing at passers-by?
A: Hippopottymouth
