My partner does this already. The number of times I’ve found “tush squish” is… I’ve lost track.
I got him back by adding chicken hats to his online cart.
300kg of Plutonium
fertilizer
gas
nails
cable
egg timer
pressure cooker
sunglasses
wigAnd your partner will be soon on a list too.
very important: you need POTASSIUM fertilizer
porno magazines
large box of condoms
a bottle of Old Harper
panty shields
illegal fireworks
disposable enemaI honestly pop in ‘yo butt’ into our shared shopping list and it usually gets an eye roll.
1 flux capacitor
2 positrons
1 hug
1 thingamajig
3 liters of blinker fluid
one simple manual excavator
1 mole of oxygen
1 µg of unobtanium
1 grimoir for casting spells
1 ring to rule them all
50 melons for grade school math problem*mol
50 melons for grade school math problem
Actually I think I’m gonna start with:
“(10x-0.5)/2 snickers bars, where x is how much of my snickers you ate, you asshole.”
I charge a husband tax too. 10% of her snacks are mine.
Yummy! 😋
1 quark (no pairs please)
top or bottom? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
🥺
👉👈
Just really want some symmetry violation and new physics. It’s getting stale in here.
Here you go
“1 hug” is a regular addition to my fiancé’s list when she asks me if there’s anything I need. It’s a great addition because then I get my hug!
Male: condoms, canteloupe, watermelon, Vaseline Female:condoms, squash, cucumber, carrots,
I feel like this only works if those are the only items on the list. If you also have apples, berries, potatoes, onions, shampoo and toothpaste, it’s just a normal shopping list.
As an aside, do not use Vaseline with condoms. In addition to it not being body safe for internal use, some condoms are still latex and vaseline will dissolve them. Most condoms these days are nitrile, but again see above re: internal insertion safety.
Only men are stretchy enough to fit melons up their ass, and women have to stick with more mundane phallic vegetables?
While not very humorous, some of the most useful permanent items on our shared shopping list include “That spice that ran out” and “That thing I was looking for the other day”. They’ve saved the day a few times over ten or so years.
This is so stupid and completely genius at the same time. It would absolutely work for me.
I occasionally put “magic beans” on there :-)
classic
NO magic beans!
I don’t know why people are downvoting you on your anti magic bean stance, historically they’ve not been a good gamble with ones money :P
But this time will be different, I get a good feeling from this guy! Not only is he not out to scam me by giving me dud magic beans, but he’s given me a bunch of extra packets that I can sell to my friends too, and all he asks is a tiny portion of the profits.
So now I’m gonna have a magic bean stalk and some semi passive income, all from hosting just one Bean party a month at my place!
Amazing present for insert your own name here
Pet supplies for animals you don’t have. Things that don’t exist but sound like things you might find at a grocery store, like pot slippers from the kitchen utensils, vegan mangos, aged vermhölsterdoif cheese, or barkley salt. Rare spices the stores your partner shops at do not sell. I get a kick out of being macabre so long pork, stray child. Ingredients your partner hates. Confusing typos.
Vanilla flavoured bananas.
Peppered mandarins.
Pickled macaroni.
you’re giving them ideas! it’s going to fruity pebbles Mac and cheese
Kefir
Please explain how you think that’s humorous
seems like it would be hard to track down to me but idk
I’m in the Nordics, and every supermarket I can think of would have it, but even if it is rare somewhere, how would that make it humorous?
In scotland I would have no fuckin idea where to get it lol
Pretty much most supermarkets would do, I should think. Aldi has kefir.
https://www.lancs.live/whats-on/food-drink-news/aldi-launches-new-199-kefir-29474962
I’m thinking you’ve not seen any because you’ve not looked, not because it’s not there.
This sounds extremely plausible. I am culinarily challenged.
Everyone! Please keep commenting! I’m getting some great ideas here!
Duck tape, shovel, condom
I’d add a couple of things to that list:
- Duct tape
- Rope
- Burlap bag
- Shovel
- Condom
What about dog biscuits as well?
Peanut butter, duct tape, skateboard, kitestring…
Oh yes, but that needs to be first on the list for sure.
Edit: on second thought, make it last on the list. It tells more of a story.
