Stuff like these stories terrifies me from ever dating, even though I feel the sadness of being alone more and more. And I’m on my mid 30s but I just can’t imagine being in more awkward situations than the ones I’m already forced to be.
Don’t let selection bias put you off. These stories are filtered by “worst date” and then you’ll basically only read the top ten over the top versions of those.
I guess most dates are around “fine” to “meh” and not traumatizing.
Is just too much to handle and if it ends bad feels like a death sentence
Don’t put that much importance on dates. You’ll stress yourself out and if your date gets even a whiff of you making it into a big deal it’s going to put stress on them as well. I dated for years before meeting my significant other. Some were good, most were meh and some were bad. Almost all the bad dates were either me or the other person taking the date too seriously and not really opening up to participate.
I used to set up dates in restaurants/museums/parks etc. I wanted to visit. First of all it gave me some idea of who I’m meeting because I would discuss with them what places on my list would also interest them. And it also doubled as a way to get something out of the date if it was a bust, at the very least I would be able to enjoy the atmosphere.
You don’t go into it looking to find a loneliness cure, you go into it looking to make a new friend. Maybe that friend can be more, but maybe not. The worst case scenario is the same as not trying, a decent outcome is a new friend (which can lead to expanding your pool of datable people!), and maybe you find a partner along the way.
I’ve been married for about a decade now, what I miss most about the dating scene is all the new friends I’d make and experiences I’d have.
I honestly don’t want friends. I just don’t wanna socialise, is just too much for me, I want to be engaged with a single woman and maybe create a family in a far future. That’s it
Yes, it’s inconvenient but how is your future SO going to meet you if stay at home? She’s probably unsocial like you but you could still meet her family or friends by dating eventually leading to her.
Of course you could try your luck staying online too but I’d suggest something else than niche platforms where tech enthusiasts are overrepresented like the Fediverse.
I don’t even try private chat with people online, I’ll only get hurt
I don’t even chat privately online with anyone, I only get hurt and rejected.
Dating is like that hill everyone has to climb to get to the top where it’s really nice. But the hike up can really suck for some people. I really really hated dating but had to go through with it.
Yeah it’s just impossible, still sucks though, I’m sure I can give love, time and affection to someone out there but I’m just trapped. And seeing the very few people that you know (even in your family, like your siblings) getting in couples and even getting married while being 10 years younger than you feels like being poked to death.
- Suffer through working life
- Retire, downsize, go see the world without having to convince a gf/partner
Nothing wrong with disliking dating, it’s a screwy social ritual intended to use a short series of interactions to determine if this is a person you could trust and genuinely like enough to share everything - including tough mornings - and compromise with for the next fifty years.
Works for some folks. Doesn’t work for others. I’m happily married, took a couple false starts and youthful indiscretions to get here - as well as the magic of the internet and some long discussions about relationships/commitment/poly/nonstandard stuff.
Works for us, maybe not for most.
Let me tell you a story my friend. I felt just like you one night. So to take my mind off of it I went for a walk. I lived in a downtown core at the time and there was a bunch of night clubs close by.
Any ways I was walking past a nightclub that had a small line-up of patrons waiting to go inside. A cute couple who were snuggling in each others arms caught my eye. “Oh great” I thought “I can’t escape this!” They were facing each other and laughing. Just as I get close to them the guy leans in and whispers something in her ear.
Well she must have not like it because she just hauls off and slaps him hard across the face. By the time I rounded the corner Security was having to hold them both apart while they were trying to fight each other.
I went home feeling alot better about myself and ordered domino’s.
After a while you stop feeling better, like after the 100th time you see a couple, or when you see your younger brother with his 4th girlfriend. I would take the slap. At least I’m being touched
Mate I’ve had some cracker first dates that didn’t work out in the long run but were absolutely part of the tapestry which got me to here.
The number of good first dates far outweighs the weird and shitty ones.
Some of my most treasured experiences are those quiet intimate moments just between two of you. An experience that just the two of you share. It is profound.
We are our experiences.
That’s… Really not encouraging
Honestly I’m glad to realize I’m more normal than I thought.
An item of importance is to try not to put too much pressure on the situation. Just be friendly and see if you hit it off.
In practice this is difficult when you’re new to dating, but honestly you want to find someone you’re comfortable around (to a certain value of comfortable at first).
Most dates in my life were great. You’ll probably make some embarrassing mistakes, but the worst that can happen (within reason) is that you’re back where you are now.
I disagree on that last part that’s not the worst that can happen
Like I said, “within reason.” Obviously worse things could happen. They probably won’t.
October 7th, 1999. Was a miserable date. Early snow. Sucked.
He kept talking on the phone before the date about how short he was. I assured him it was ok. He really was very short in person but I’m not bothered by that kind of thing, but the way he kept talking about how he was shorter than me (and I’m short) through the whole date just made it so pointless and self centered. When he asked me out again I said I had met someone else and it was getting serious just to avoid going through that again. He didn’t attempt to get to know me at all, so what was the point?
It’s funny how we sometimes become our own worst enemies in life and don’t even realize it.
That was exactly it. I understand being self conscious for something but after a few hours surely we could have talked about something else.
We were teenagers and I went to her house in the boonies to shoot crossbows and play NBA Jam. Sounds ideal, right? So after shooting trees for a while she asks if I want to shoot her hamster.
Maybe she was trying to be edgy or funny but I was so disturbed I made an excuse and started walking home (which was hours away). I finally managed to hitch a ride with this creepy couple into town (but that’s a whole other story - definitely did not give those two my home address).
she asks if I want to shoot her hamster.
Pretty sure that’s code for 👉👌. SMH bro, you missed a wild lay man :>
Definitely not as bad as some of the others mentioned here, but when I was 18 a slightly older coworker who had a crush on me for a while asked me out. I said yes because I didn’t really know how to say no at the time. I wasn’t physically attracted to him, but he was a really nice guy and I didn’t see the harm in giving him a chance.
We’d already worked together for about a year then, so he knew a few things about my interests. He wanted to plan the whole thing and surprise me with where we’d go. We agreed for him to pick me up from my house at noon. I thought, “great, lunch date”; they’re pretty chill/non-intimate.
So the day comes, he picks me up and we start driving. He tells me he’s taking me to the natural history museum. In DC. Over an hour away. Far for a first date, but I love that museum so I go along with it.
We get there, wander around, chat, and after a couple hours walk out onto the national mall to some random food truck, grabbing a nearby bench to people watch while we ate. I wasn’t feeling a connection, however, was patient and respectful, after all, we had a good enough time so far, and he put effort into planning this.
Now, normally, after the meal/activity is complete this is when a day date starts to come to a natural end. At this point it’s past 4pm, so I suggest we head to the car, thinking to myself that it’s a long drive back. Surprise! He tells me he got us two tickets for DC United that evening. Not a huge sports watching fan, I didn’t know how to react. Being young, inexperienced, and afraid to upset him I feigned excitement.
He drove us to the stadium, parked, then got out to get something from his trunk. Another surprise! A cooler of Smirnoff ice. After the weirdest tailgate we go into the stadium, watch the game, get hotdogs, and the whole time I’m dreading what other surprises he has in store. He seemed so normal before.
Luckily, after the game he finally took me home. I don’t remember what time it was, probably around 9pm, I just remember feeling relief at the sight of my front door. He tried to kiss me when dropping me off, but I managed to avoid any physical interaction. Looking back, it was the weirdest, cringiest date, and the main reason I always drove myself to dates from then on.
We met at a café for coffee and pastries. He talked about himself non-stop, I couldn’t even get a word in, like not even to ask follow-up questions. Every so often he would realize what he was doing and then pause and sat “Oh, uh, how about you?” as though he finally remembered I was there. I could get about 2 sentences in before he took over the conversation again.
After the first date I was willing to give him a second chance because I know people can talk alot if they’re nervous, so we called each other a few times, but it was the same thing, just him talking the whole time. He would call me after work and ramble for an hour about nothing. I finally broke it off because he just never shut up.
Newcastle?
Is there one guy in Newcastle who is so bad at shutting up that you just assume a story from anywhere in the world is probably about him? Lol
The guy is so bad I assume he is that guy of Newcastle. There must be other that guys in other cities - who knows, maybe several; but I would bet at least 15 pence (probably even 20) that if it’s Newcastle then it’s this guy.
First date with a girl: I open the car door for her when I pick her up. As she gets in, she hooks a hoop earing on the corner of the door and rips it out of her ear. The next 6 hours are getting her through ER to get stitched up.
Funny enough, I did get a second date and we hung out for about a year after that.
At first glance I thought the girl hooked the earring on the door and tore her ear to guilt you into paying the medical expenses on purpose, lol.
Well, medical expenses aren’t a thing where I’m from, so probably not.
I’m cracking up
As a guy who does woodwork, and other DIY stuff, I’d be terrified of wearing large earings if I were a girl. Heck I’m already terrified of wearing a ring.
Heck, I don’t wear gloves around the drill press, even if the metal I’m working on is hot and sharp. I’ve seen what happens there.
It’s a terrible date but I can see how it creates a bond.
We went to walmart for her to buy fem-hy while telling me about her baby’s daddy freeloading in her home.
What is fem-hy?
period pads. sanitary napkins.
I took my current gf and my parents to a nice restaurant last night. She mentioned she’d only been there once before, on a date, and that the only reason they went to that restaurant (very $$$) is because he had a gift card and was going to cover the meal. Orders all kinds of expensive stuff. The bill comes and then supposedly he realizes his gift card, if it actually existed in the first place, was for a different restaurant. She ended up having to pay on her CC because he had no other forms of payment. Obviously didn’t work out for him in the end.
Is “he” her father here?
No, sorry if that wasn’t clear. She was telling the story to me and my parents, “he” was the man she’d been on a date with at the same restaurant previously.
Asked a girl out on a date. She invited me over to watch a movie with her at her parents house (we were in our late teens). I arrived; her recently deceased family dog and incredibly distressed mother were both in the kitchen. Dog was a really big golden retriever that had been euthanized, and the mom had bought him home? Not sure why? Maybe to hurt in the back yard or something? Idk
Anyway I offered to leave but she was insistent that we watch the movie together, which we did, on the couch, with her mom crying in the next room. Halfway through the movie the mom screams he’s still alive, he’s still alive. Go into the kitchen, she’d gone to move the body and it had expelled air and made some noise. I had to explain, with my best year 12 biology, what had happened. Five minutes of this woman losing her shit with grief out of her beloved companion dying.
Girl insisted we watch the last 10 minutes of the movie, it finishes with us watching in silence, I get up to leave and said something stupid like hey I’d love to do this again sometime and she says “I have a boyfriend”
I’m like alright well that’s that then and didn’t put in any more effort. Stupid me, she was hot and I really liked her. Being a dipshit I wrote a song about it, using the thee guitar chords I knew, which takes me to act ii…
…five years later, I’m at a party, exchanging worst first date stories with friends including a cute blonde. I wait my turn, tell the story, she laughs her arse off and then goads me into singing the song, accompanying myself poorly on the guitar. I absolutely fucking nail it, everyone is in stitches, sit down next to her and the night goes from there. We end up leaving r party for a walk down to the local beach, made out on the beach, things get frisky, jump in a cab back to my house, in bed together, have drunken sex…which results in a broken condom. She lives literally the other side of town so we have to wait till (a) I’m sober enough to drive and (b) pharmacy is open to get a plan b, then have the most awkward drive back to her house. Get there, offer to walk her to the door, she says no, kisses me goodbye in the car, then texts me…to say she has a boyfriend.
Jesus that story had dips and turns. Man, the teenager saying “I have a boyfriend” must have been so frustrating… obviously really fucked up family dynamics there
I was young and naive, even a couple years later I would’ve done a bit of digging. You know, questions like what’s his name, how long you guys been going out for, shouldn’t he be here with you in your moment of need given your fucking dog is dead.
I said I had never eaten vegan food. She asked if I’d like to try it at her favorite restaurant. She then made a huge deal about me being “only” vegetarian as we ate. Stunned as she went on and on about what a terrible, ignorant person I was, I noticed there was something odd about her front teeth, like they were stained. I didn’t think much of it and tried not to stare. She also kept insisting repeatedly that it wasn’t a date. Ok, that’s fine, I said which only seemed to make her angrier.
We get in the car, and I’m relieved it’s almost over. She looks in the rear view, and starts freaking out that I hadn’t told her she had lipstick on her teeth the entire time. I tried to explain I didn’t know what it was and didn’t want her to be self-conscious. Awkward silence as she drove me home. Next day I noticed she had blocked me on everything. Good riddance I guess.
I would have walked myself home after that. Good riddance indeed.
I should’ve had my friend pick me up but this was the time before cell phones were ubiquitous. She had sort of cooled off near the end and had given me a mix tape. Thought maybe it was just bad timing. Wasn’t expecting her to go ballistic. Food was good though.
I had never eaten vegan food
Really? You’ve never eaten just fries?
Good for you dodging that crazy bullet though.
I mean, vegan substitutions for things like chicken I suppose. And yeah, I was completely bewildered the entire time. Even before this she was always semi-hostile in conversations but she always hit me up. It was bizarre.
If it has salt on it, it’s not considered Vegan…
What animal does salt come from again?
You know how they say this is a living, breathing planet? Yep, there you go. True vegan food comes from lifeless planets.
She kept going to the bathroom to smoke crack. Then disappeared for good before the check came.
When did you find out she was smoking crack in the loo?
I worked a security gig where I had to call into a phone call center every hour to show I was awake. I was there for three day and got to know the girl on the other end pretty well. We ended up almost talking the entire last night.
We made arrangements to meet after we both got off work. I was incredibly nervous and my face had gotten itchy and i scratched it so badly my face swelled up. I had no way to get ahold of her to postpone our meet up. So we met and she freaked out at the sight of me and left. Never saw her again after that.
A friend persuaded me to go on a date with a girl I wasn’t particularly into. We went for a meal, then she wanted to go clubbing. But I’m not into that either, so she broke down in tears. I was pretty sure I hadn’t said anything that bad, but then the story came out: her ex-partner had the same first name and job as me, and the meal and clubbing were his favourite things, but he’d been found dead in another country with his common law wife and kids, and the similarity to me was effectively his coming back from the dead to be with her again.
No there wasn’t a second date. I haven’t seen her since either. Neither have I taken dating advice off that friend since, although we are still friends.
I don’t think there’s any circumstance where “replacing” a dead loved one with someone similar would ever end well. Way too many expectations, and context the date would be unaware of.
I got stood up at the restaurant. This was back before online dating was the norm rather than the exception. It sucked, but I learned to get over that kinda thing.
