Stuff like these stories terrifies me from ever dating, even though I feel the sadness of being alone more and more. And I’m on my mid 30s but I just can’t imagine being in more awkward situations than the ones I’m already forced to be.
An item of importance is to try not to put too much pressure on the situation. Just be friendly and see if you hit it off.
In practice this is difficult when you’re new to dating, but honestly you want to find someone you’re comfortable around (to a certain value of comfortable at first).
Most dates in my life were great. You’ll probably make some embarrassing mistakes, but the worst that can happen (within reason) is that you’re back where you are now.
Don’t let selection bias put you off. These stories are filtered by “worst date” and then you’ll basically only read the top ten over the top versions of those.
I guess most dates are around “fine” to “meh” and not traumatizing.
You don’t go into it looking to find a loneliness cure, you go into it looking to make a new friend. Maybe that friend can be more, but maybe not. The worst case scenario is the same as not trying, a decent outcome is a new friend (which can lead to expanding your pool of datable people!), and maybe you find a partner along the way.
I’ve been married for about a decade now, what I miss most about the dating scene is all the new friends I’d make and experiences I’d have.
I honestly don’t want friends. I just don’t wanna socialise, is just too much for me, I want to be engaged with a single woman and maybe create a family in a far future. That’s it
Yes, it’s inconvenient but how is your future SO going to meet you if stay at home? She’s probably unsocial like you but you could still meet her family or friends by dating eventually leading to her.
Of course you could try your luck staying online too but I’d suggest something else than niche platforms where tech enthusiasts are overrepresented like the Fediverse.
Don’t put that much importance on dates. You’ll stress yourself out and if your date gets even a whiff of you making it into a big deal it’s going to put stress on them as well. I dated for years before meeting my significant other. Some were good, most were meh and some were bad. Almost all the bad dates were either me or the other person taking the date too seriously and not really opening up to participate.
I used to set up dates in restaurants/museums/parks etc. I wanted to visit. First of all it gave me some idea of who I’m meeting because I would discuss with them what places on my list would also interest them. And it also doubled as a way to get something out of the date if it was a bust, at the very least I would be able to enjoy the atmosphere.
Let me tell you a story my friend. I felt just like you one night. So to take my mind off of it I went for a walk. I lived in a downtown core at the time and there was a bunch of night clubs close by.
Any ways I was walking past a nightclub that had a small line-up of patrons waiting to go inside. A cute couple who were snuggling in each others arms caught my eye. “Oh great” I thought “I can’t escape this!” They were facing each other and laughing. Just as I get close to them the guy leans in and whispers something in her ear.
Well she must have not like it because she just hauls off and slaps him hard across the face. By the time I rounded the corner Security was having to hold them both apart while they were trying to fight each other.
I went home feeling alot better about myself and ordered domino’s.
After a while you stop feeling better, like after the 100th time you see a couple, or when you see your younger brother with his 4th girlfriend. I would take the slap. At least I’m being touched
Dating is like that hill everyone has to climb to get to the top where it’s really nice. But the hike up can really suck for some people. I really really hated dating but had to go through with it.
Yeah it’s just impossible, still sucks though, I’m sure I can give love, time and affection to someone out there but I’m just trapped. And seeing the very few people that you know (even in your family, like your siblings) getting in couples and even getting married while being 10 years younger than you feels like being poked to death.
Retire, downsize, go see the world without having to convince a gf/partner
Nothing wrong with disliking dating, it’s a screwy social ritual intended to use a short series of interactions to determine if this is a person you could trust and genuinely like enough to share everything - including tough mornings - and compromise with for the next fifty years.
Works for some folks. Doesn’t work for others.
I’m happily married, took a couple false starts and youthful indiscretions to get here - as well as the magic of the internet and some long discussions about relationships/commitment/poly/nonstandard stuff.
Mate I’ve had some cracker first dates that didn’t work out in the long run but were absolutely part of the tapestry which got me to here.
The number of good first dates far outweighs the weird and shitty ones.
Some of my most treasured experiences are those quiet intimate moments just between two of you. An experience that just the two of you share. It is profound.
Stuff like these stories terrifies me from ever dating, even though I feel the sadness of being alone more and more. And I’m on my mid 30s but I just can’t imagine being in more awkward situations than the ones I’m already forced to be.
An item of importance is to try not to put too much pressure on the situation. Just be friendly and see if you hit it off.
In practice this is difficult when you’re new to dating, but honestly you want to find someone you’re comfortable around (to a certain value of comfortable at first).
Most dates in my life were great. You’ll probably make some embarrassing mistakes, but the worst that can happen (within reason) is that you’re back where you are now.
I disagree on that last part that’s not the worst that can happen
Like I said, “within reason.” Obviously worse things could happen. They probably won’t.
Don’t let selection bias put you off. These stories are filtered by “worst date” and then you’ll basically only read the top ten over the top versions of those.
I guess most dates are around “fine” to “meh” and not traumatizing.
Is just too much to handle and if it ends bad feels like a death sentence
You don’t go into it looking to find a loneliness cure, you go into it looking to make a new friend. Maybe that friend can be more, but maybe not. The worst case scenario is the same as not trying, a decent outcome is a new friend (which can lead to expanding your pool of datable people!), and maybe you find a partner along the way.
I’ve been married for about a decade now, what I miss most about the dating scene is all the new friends I’d make and experiences I’d have.
I honestly don’t want friends. I just don’t wanna socialise, is just too much for me, I want to be engaged with a single woman and maybe create a family in a far future. That’s it
Yes, it’s inconvenient but how is your future SO going to meet you if stay at home? She’s probably unsocial like you but you could still meet her family or friends by dating eventually leading to her.
Of course you could try your luck staying online too but I’d suggest something else than niche platforms where tech enthusiasts are overrepresented like the Fediverse.
I don’t even chat privately online with anyone, I only get hurt and rejected.
I don’t even try private chat with people online, I’ll only get hurt
Don’t put that much importance on dates. You’ll stress yourself out and if your date gets even a whiff of you making it into a big deal it’s going to put stress on them as well. I dated for years before meeting my significant other. Some were good, most were meh and some were bad. Almost all the bad dates were either me or the other person taking the date too seriously and not really opening up to participate.
I used to set up dates in restaurants/museums/parks etc. I wanted to visit. First of all it gave me some idea of who I’m meeting because I would discuss with them what places on my list would also interest them. And it also doubled as a way to get something out of the date if it was a bust, at the very least I would be able to enjoy the atmosphere.
Let me tell you a story my friend. I felt just like you one night. So to take my mind off of it I went for a walk. I lived in a downtown core at the time and there was a bunch of night clubs close by.
Any ways I was walking past a nightclub that had a small line-up of patrons waiting to go inside. A cute couple who were snuggling in each others arms caught my eye. “Oh great” I thought “I can’t escape this!” They were facing each other and laughing. Just as I get close to them the guy leans in and whispers something in her ear.
Well she must have not like it because she just hauls off and slaps him hard across the face. By the time I rounded the corner Security was having to hold them both apart while they were trying to fight each other.
I went home feeling alot better about myself and ordered domino’s.
After a while you stop feeling better, like after the 100th time you see a couple, or when you see your younger brother with his 4th girlfriend. I would take the slap. At least I’m being touched
Dating is like that hill everyone has to climb to get to the top where it’s really nice. But the hike up can really suck for some people. I really really hated dating but had to go through with it.
Yeah it’s just impossible, still sucks though, I’m sure I can give love, time and affection to someone out there but I’m just trapped. And seeing the very few people that you know (even in your family, like your siblings) getting in couples and even getting married while being 10 years younger than you feels like being poked to death.
Nothing wrong with disliking dating, it’s a screwy social ritual intended to use a short series of interactions to determine if this is a person you could trust and genuinely like enough to share everything - including tough mornings - and compromise with for the next fifty years.
Works for some folks. Doesn’t work for others. I’m happily married, took a couple false starts and youthful indiscretions to get here - as well as the magic of the internet and some long discussions about relationships/commitment/poly/nonstandard stuff.
Works for us, maybe not for most.
Mate I’ve had some cracker first dates that didn’t work out in the long run but were absolutely part of the tapestry which got me to here.
The number of good first dates far outweighs the weird and shitty ones.
Some of my most treasured experiences are those quiet intimate moments just between two of you. An experience that just the two of you share. It is profound.
We are our experiences.
That’s… Really not encouraging
Honestly I’m glad to realize I’m more normal than I thought.