Is a very broad question I know. But I realized that aside the things that liked as a kid (videogames and listening music) I gave up on everything else or failed in other things. I gave up on going to the gym, gave up trying to learn how to play a guitar, i gave up on having a YouTube channel, if I fail the theory exam of my driving licence I think I won’t try again, shit I gave up on having a social life… And so on. Is that normal in your opinion?
Playing videogames and listening to music are passive activities. Going to the gym, learning to play guitar, working on a YouTube channel, those are all active activities which build up a skill that requires time and effort being put into them. It’s often said that it takes ten thousand hours to get really master something, but it often takes a lot less to get good enough at them. It sounds to me like you pick something new up, find that you aren’t instantly good at it and give up and no, that’s not normal. You say you’re 35 years old, but that’s really kind of a child-like mentality to have. It sounds to me like you really need to understand what the underlying fear/problem is here that is causing you to give up.
Idk if it’s normal, but sure is sad…
It’s normal to try something and decide that it’s not for you, but this isn’t healthy.
It reminds me of my brother. He always sees the “top of the staircase” (playing a video game, being able to play guitar, losing weight) but usually after the first or second step (after he’s already bought everything he needs) and realizes that it’s going to take longer for a day or two and gives up on it.
Some things come easy, but not much. And if you always give up when it stops being easy, that’s exactly what you’ll end up with: not much.
Don’t stick with anything that you don’t enjoy, just for the sake of sticking with it, but if you really want something, you’re going to have to put in a lot more effort than you are right now.
Do you have ADHD? I’ve read that people with ADHD can hyperfocus on new activities and easily get bored when things are no longer new. AuHD can also happen where there is a touch of autism along with it that can also make social stuff hard. Whatever it is, no one here is your doctor, and you should probably see if your doctor would refer you to a therapist or psychiatrist.
Don’t know and honestly don’t what to, my life sucks enough as if is, knowing that I have something would only piss over me even more.
You might want to find out so you can work with whatever your diagnosis may be. It may be something as simple as changing the way you think, it could be more. But whatever you’re doing now doesn’t seem to be working.
My personal experience after finally getting help was that some of what I was going through was more of my own choosing as opposed to whatever my diagnosis was. Some work on the way I thought about things helped much more than expected. I still have real issues, but less than I had before.
Go talk to a professional first, figure out what’s going on.
Oh, if the answer to your post question is no, it’s not normal, what would you do?
Not much. I was just curious
Speaking from personal experience, knowing that there’s a reason I behave a certain way has been pretty liberating. I spent my whole adult life up to my late thirties thinking I’d broken my brain or was just lazy and couldn’t concentrate. Knowing that that’s just how my brain is wired has made me feel a lot better about myself, and be less harsh to myself when I fuck up, and then being able to learn coping strategies of others in a similar situation has also really helped.
If you can give up on a new hobby or whatever BEFORE you’ve bought all the things and made your life even more messy isn’t a bad thing at all. If you’ve lent into it and bought all the stuff and nonsense, try to cycle through past hobbies rather than pick up new ones constantly. Find hobbies that complement each other, or use stuff that you already own, and ones that have low cost to try out. If you’re not making yourself skint or your life more messy by trying them out, then trying and quitting doesn’t matter at all, it just increases the chance of you finding something you really enjoy doing.
It would help as you can then address those issues. Why would it annoy you? Then you can get meds to help you.
If it’s everything you do, then no, I struggle a lot with work ethic/just being a lazy pos but even then I do have some things I enjoy and am willing to work for… I think finding more things I enjoy (cycling, dnd & programming mainly) has helped a lot with that, so I feel like just trying new things and being willing to “give up” on them fast if you don’t like them may be good?
Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Maybe you’re neurodivergent, maybe you’re not. The question I think that’s worth asking is “does it matter?” If it turned out that what you are going through happens to maybe 25% of the population (as I think is likely), will that change how you live your life?
I can understand feeling frustrated about being bad at things at first; I have the same issue. What partially worked for me is internalising that you’re going to be bad at something for a while before being good. It’s a tough lesson to learn and accept, but it’s important. Enjoy messing about. Go into things with the knowledge that you’re just practising and don’t put pressure on yourself to be good.
And fwiw, a lot of people fail driving tests on their first try. Don’t give up just because you failed once.
If its something that you do for your own enjoyment and fun, its totaly okay to just leave it be, if you don’t like it.
If its something that you do to better yourself, I think it’s different and you should sometimes stick with it to see an outcome. Something that might give you better job opportunities, that makes you healthier, that makes you a better person, that makes your life easier or better if you stick it.
Don’t give up on everything, because humans need to develop themselves, they need to grow and learn. If you just stop where you are and give up on any personal growth you will be unhappy with yourself and your life one day.
Think of your future self before quiting something and what that activity could do for future you.
that’s okay, try to find a new one, make urself useful for something/someone. just don’t give up on life imho.
Just my opinion, but I’d say it’s okay to give up on many, even most things you try, but not all of them. In other words, go and try new things, it’s the only way you’ll learn what you enjoy and what you’re good at. And then stick to a select few of them.
There are also a few tips to be given on how to stay engaged with a subject. One of them: don’t stress it too hard. With something that’s meant to be pleasant, don’t push yourself to perfection until it becomes a chore. Also, if you want to achieve a more distant goal, it helps to find something to keep you going (look into how Duolingo, the language learning app, keeps people engaged).
Funnily enough I gave up on Duolingo. Erased that app after 2 months.
I think I know your posts from a while back under different usernames. And no, giving up on everything isn’t healthy or normal.
Oh is this the one that was posting under the name “Empty” about how they want a girlfriend, but won’t do anything except play a narrow set of video games? Or a different sad internet person?
I recognize them too. It’s that person who bemoans everything about themselves and their life, then argues with or dismisses every comment that’s offering advice or trying to help. I hope they seek professional help eventually. What is this, the third or fourth account by now?
Exacty that. I’d agree: about 3 or 4 accounts, judging by what I read. Often got some genuine and constructive answers… Never listening and predetermined that everything is futile and set on dragging themself down. Dismissing every help and then posting the same question again, a few days later. This time the post is a bit different, though.
Stop trying to calling me a ill person, it’s not ok.
Like some others here, I also suspect I’ve tried to help you before.
As someone who thought it would be hard to get help, I waited until I was almost 40 to talk to my doctor during my yearly exam. After 2 minutes of talking, he said sounds like depression to me all right, and gave me the cheapest Rx I’ve ever had. My life did a 180 that day and the world has been so different ever since.
Your path may not be as simple, but I wasted almost 30 years of my life being sad and lonely and burning bridges with great people out of dread, apathy, and denial. For $5 a month with insurance and a whole $20 when I didn’t have insurance, I live a life I never thought possible.
Get off of Lemmy and get your ass to a doctor. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Every day I regret what I did to myself and to others, and I don’t want you to do it to yourself either. You don’t need help with hobbies. Go find out what you do need help with. There’s millions of us with anxiety, depression, bipolar, ADHD, etc and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
That’s not how my world, or social situation works.
Then why keep taking up everyone’s time asking for help?
I don’t see how my post is considered asking help. I just asked if is okay in your opinion. That’s it.
Doesn’t sound healthy, no. Why do you stop doing these things?
Is that normal in your opinion?
Imho, a better question to ask yourself would be to consider why you’re giving up quickly?
If you give up because you realize you can’t be bothered with whatever that activity is, fine. I tried a few things I realized had little value to me. No big deal.
If it’s because you don’t want to make the effort of learning to do it properly and/or because you can’t accept that, as beginner at it, your not already good and get not success. Then, it’s probably not a great decision.
I see two things our society as a whole (even more so when it is lived through social media lenses) tend to discourage younger people to reflect upon:
- Not being good at something new is normal.
It is to be expected from most beginners. That’s why as adults we’re supposed to teach ourselves (so we learn and get better at that thing), and that’s why, as little kids, we are being taught by adults. And that learning takes time and practice. A lot of both. - Failing at something new is to expected too.
Failing is how we learn. Remember how you learned to walk as a toddler? Was it by being good at walking? Or was it by falling on your diapered bum many, many times over and over again like a clumsy toddler? At least, that’s how I learned ;)
That’s also how we learn to read and to write. By doing mistakes. Not by picking up our first pen and writing the next best-seller.
So, to get back to your question, if you give up on something because you would want to be good at it instantly, you’re probably missing out on something.
- Not being good at something new is normal.
Hobbies are generally things that you enjoy and have a desire to do. Generally, if you are getting pleasure from the activity, then you would naturally want to continue doing it. If you aren’t enjoying new things that you try, maybe they just aren’t for you.
