Literally every Enlisted member ever.
Everything Everywhere All At Once
“You say it was an everything bagel?”
“That’s right.”
“And that explains the weed and coke?”
“Yes.”
“Then where’s the opium and meth…?”
They found opium, hence the initial poppy seed excuse.
Shit, musta been the psilocybin that threw me off.
“Right? I’m still asking why they didn’t include Ketamine and a kitchen sink.”
Because ketemine has an extremely short half-life and isn’t detectable very long after use.
“You should ask for a refund.”
Boss: “can you explain why your random drug test came back positive for thc?”
Me: “yeah, it’s legal and I have a life outside of work. Sorry if you can’t relate, but my personal time is just that. Personal.”
This exchange did not go well from there, but guess who got fired for something first. (hint: not me)
I am a health nut and these Hemp bars have so many nutritional benefits. Want to try one?
Um actually, in the US you can get fired for THC in your system for recreational use. Some states, even if it’s medical.
Yes it’s bullshit, but that’s the problem with it not being federally legal and companies in multiple states. You will probably lose if you fight it, use of marijuana is not protected and your employer is protected from you arguing it is because firing you for this still falls under “at-will” termination.
Only mentioning this to dispel the idea other folks will get away with this. You just got lucky it seems.
Um actually, in the US
ACKTUALLY, whether or not you can get fired is a state issue, and some states such as California provide statutory protection for employees who use cannabis. It’s true that there are some states where you can get in trouble, but the federal laws are not being enforced by the Biden administration, who has given the green light on cannabis consumption and rescheduling, so there’s really no single answer that applies to the whole United States, and your mileage may vary.
NY has similar provisions, as section 201-D of the labor law specifically prohibits discrimination based on cannabis usage, with exceptions.
Exceptions generally are for businesses that receive federal funding, CDL drivers in accordance with 49 CFR Part 382, and non-employees (contractors, students, volunteers).
Weed smoker is unfortunately not a recognized protected class
Um actually, in the US you can get fired for THC in your system
Obviously he wasn’t from one of those backward regions like Edmonton or America.
…and in proper places, you don’t want to deny someone’s human rights, as the penalties have no upper limit.
Is it still illegal in Edmonton somehow even though it was legalized in Canada nationally?
It’s also illegal federally, so there’s no such thing as a state where it’s “legal.”
It’s also illegal for someone who uses weed to own a firearm.
In the US you can get fired for just about anything in many states, including mine. There are only a few protections in place for things like race, gender etc.
All well and good for you yankee doodles. Still illegal here in the UK.
I had to quit when I started a job that tests.
Still illegal in many places in the US. I just happen to live in a state that is legal.
Since I’m close to a state border, I only need to drive about 20 minutes to be somewhere it’s illegal again.
And if you live in an “at will” state, they can just fire you even if it’s legal.
Sidenote: “at will” employment is the biggest sack of bullshit that employers convinced people is totally normal.
Im hopeful that the US, EU, and UK legalize it within the next few years. I’m realistic about the chances, I know how the older generations of politicians are, but I still cross my fingers.
Boss: Explain the weed and cocaine.
Me: Um, they’re awesome…
Boss: Hell yeah they are! pulls out a spliff and a mirror
Is that so you can watch yourself smoke it?
Yes… Sniff
naww, so innocent.
but its for snorting fat lines of coke off of, but thats for fancy cokeheads, any flat and smooth surface will do, a blank cd or your friends mums kitchen bench works well tho.
I have the privilege of knowing someone from my early childhood years who has too much money.
He showed me a picture of some multimillionaire dickhead he knows, who uses a slate of ancient polished obsidian for nothing other than his coke plate.
Boss: You failed your drug test
Me: Yeah, I forgot to study for it
Is the US that dystopian that people get drug tested outside of “responsible” jobs?
Yes. 🤣
The poor kid bagging groceries gets drug tested more than I do.
Just watched this on QI. S16E08, plants. It’s about 11 minutes in…
