M. 34. Unfortunately I will never get companionship, never being with a woman, so that means no kids, until recently i was doing a miserable job, now I’m unemployed. I don’t have friends and still living with my family since I can’t survive alone, we’re low class…
Seriously, what’s the point? Please don’t tell me to just live and go out there and explore the world, to leave everything behind, that’s not possible. I always despised “exploring” that’s why I stay in my room most of the time, even when I had a job. But I know how some of you will respond…
I guess there’s no point. Someone had to lose this fucking game.
I’m sorry you feel stuck right now. I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you want to achieve your dream of a family you are going to need another job and therapy. Even if the women of your dreams showed up ready to get pregnant right now, you’re not ready. Do you really want to raise kids who know daddy hates himself? Do you really want your family to deal with your emotional spillover? Teaching kids emotional regulation is HARD and damn near impossible if you are struggling yourself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a family. That is a fine goal and a perfect thing to look forward to. Many poeple are starting families later just bc of the cost of living, so I don’t think you will be too old even if it takes you another five years to get there.
There is someone out there for everyone. Maybe she can make all the money and you can be a stay at home dad! But you gotta get up, flip off the fucking world, and get a job and start putting together a social life of poeple who care about you. Stay safe and remember you are valuable and worthy of self love.
I’m sorry but that’s not possible.
why not?
Live a better life, not for other people, live a life you want to lead. When you have your own life sorted, you’ll find other people want to participate more in your life
From what you are writing, you seem like a good guy. So you got that going for you. You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table. Shortest road to true happiness is; don’t be an asshole. You seem to pass, so keep going and you will get there. Other people can’t make you happy, only you can. I’m rooting for you.
Listen to OP, he isn’t a good guy. Go look at his post history. He does this 1-2x a week. He’s a walking pity party.
Sounds like he needs someone with training to help him through retraining his behavioral/thought patterns, something a functional social system would provide if those were as common as comment culture.
No I’m not a good person.
Well, you don’t have to be a good person, as long as you’re not an asshole. It doesn’t matter what other people think about you. It only matters what you think, and if you are willing to improve on it. I’m trying to better myself by spending more time with my family. There is always something you can do to be a better person, not for someone else, but for you. I’m still rooting for you.
I’m an asshole apparently.
the biggest doxxer/bully to us in our life is mostly ourselves
Is there nobody who would miss you?
You can be happy without a woman and without kids. As it turns out, it usually works best to be happy by yourself first, if companionship is what you want. Learn to love yourself before loving others. Keep trying.
That’s the best I could do, hope it helps. Good luck to you.
You can be happy without a woman and without kids.
I mean, just ask any gay guy.
I will never love myself.
The level of bullshit coming out of your mouth will not be fixed by platitudes like “love yourself”. You need medication.
I don’t like overdramatic depressed people so I’m not going to discuss this with you, I’m just giving this advice and dipping.
Ignore what everyone else says. It’s useless advice. Talk to a doc and get the right drugs. You may never love yourself, but we have wonderful pills that will change who you are. That person will love himself. Whatever sad creature you are now won’t exist anymore.
You don’t know they’re diagnosis. So you have no idea if they need medication or not.
Help yes. But, not all mental health disorders have a root cause that can be treated with medication. For instance, depression is comorbid in PTSD and CPTSD, which we don’t really have medication that helps great with aside from adrenaline blockers to help you sleep if you get nightmares .
My point is, telling people they need medication when you’re not a psychiatrist, and even if you are psychiatrist, you’ve never talked to them or diagnosed them, is not helpful.
Platitudes won’t help…but surely being an asshole to them will, right? Just shut the fuck up if you that’s the only “advice” you can muster.
Responding in such a harsh and dismissive way to someone who may be struggling with their mental health is really not okay. Calling their feelings “bullshit” and “overdramatic” is incredibly invalidating.
I know you meant well but the overall tone here is way too critical and potentially damaging to someone in a vulnerable state.
They didn’t mean well. You’re giving them way too much credit
Never is a long time m8. With those kinds of thoughts, I think you need professional help. My wife has dealt with similar things and getting therapy and medication really helped.
At the end of the day, your brain is just chemistry and sometimes the chemistry is just doing bad stuff. Go to therapy and get some medication. It will help, really.
You can explore stuff without leaving your room.
Ex, The Internet
The point of living is to enjoy yourself, you can go about that any way you like really. You don’t need to do the cookie-cutter meet-someone-and-start-a-family life to be happy.
Find something that makes you feel happy (or at least less shit) and do more of it. If you find enough things, you might find you can turn one into a job that you don’t hate.
You’ve not lost the game if you’re still playing.
The things you listed is what society wants you to do, not what you want to do. Do some hard thinking what YOU want to do with your life and what is important to you; nothing else will give you peace and fulfillment. You can set some long term goals if you want, but from experience i tell you to start with something small and keep that up, that’s hard enough as it is.
If what you achieve and what you want is not the same, you will not be happy at all.
I don’t anything for myself though.
You must want something if you want to stop being unhappy. What would you change in your life if given the option?
Being born rich.
If you were born rich what would you want to do?
What’s the point of living for anyone? There’s no point. Life is what you make out of it. If one keeps doing the same things day after day then that’s an indication they don’t want things to change. How could they change? Accepting things as they are and just sitting at home being miserable is a guranteed way to stay miserable.
I mean isn’t there something you’re interested in aside from the stereotypical women, family and a nice job? Maybe you can find something that is fulfilling to you specifically? Idk, working out and getting in shape, learning something maybe coding, history or some (niche) fandom. You could build something, take pride in gardening or do artsy stuff and maybe sell it on Tindie. Write stories…
That’d help if you’re not like all the other people and you’re just following the beaten path, but it’s just not for you. In that case you’d need to explore what is right for you. That’s not easy.
Other possibilities include: You’ve in fact lost that game. Or you have some sort of mental illness like depression or a mid-life crisis and need treatment for it to get better.
No there’s isn’t anything that I want besides that.
Btw, and I don’t quite get if you’re comfortable where you are, or whether you aren’t. You post here regularly. You don’t have a drivers license, you gave up staying in shape, you gave up practicing an instrument… You want advice but you don’t want advice… I’m not sure what to make of this. Like if you want to become someone else, go ahead. Pick up the things you mentioned and actually do it.
And another word of unsolicited advice: People who are just ‘downers’ aren’t attractive. If you want someone to be interested in you, you gotta at least have something that’s interesting about you. Or be funny or at least be nice and not overly negative around people you’d like to meet again. And people who don’t care about anything also aren’t attractive.
If you read my post I didn’t asked for help. I just asked a question. And I’m well aware of that, but that’s literally me. I’m a downer, the world made me one, so I guess I’m cursed, I’m fucked since nobody wants me. You just told me that
Sure. I think you maybe dug yourself a comfortable hole. And now you to refuse to come out.
The question is: Now what? Do you want to be a downer? Do you not want to be a downer?
I don’t want anything, just stop feeling.
Then get help. There is medication that can suppress feelings. The numbers I linked aren’t just for suicide prevention. Getting help for other mental conditions is a related thing. It’s basically the same doctors/therapists. Just don’t self-medicate, that won’t get you anywhere.
If you’re serious about what you say, ask a doctor. He or she can make you stop feeling. It’s probably antidepressants that do that. And they’re prescribed by doctors. And if it ain’t easy to find a doctor, call the helpline, they have some contacts for people like you…
That’s a bit unfortunate but understandable. We all have things we want, it’s subjective and you’re as entitled to be happy and get what you want, as anybody else… Unfortunately the universe doesn’t exactly ‘owe’ that to us.
In that case I’m not sure what I’d like to advise you. It’s kind if a bummer and maybe I can sympathise. And both of your problems are big ones and not something that gets solved over night. Generally there are two options: Give up or don’t give up. The first thing isn’t really an option and the second requires you to put in some effort and try to change things around. Sometimes it’s really hard to get what you want and you fail over and over in the process. That’s not unique to your situation. But I think I can empathize how it feels if you already tried that and always failed.
On the flipside, I don’t know your exact situation. But it seems you’re quite down. You write you’re 34. I think that’s a common time to get a mid-life crisis. To reconsider your life 'cause now you’re not young anymore and you have to consider how to finally achieve things that life didn’t grant you until then. That’s not your fault.
I think it’s hard to get out of that. But I’d like to encourage you to think over with a broader perspective. It’s now that you’re not seeing any way out. That’s not necessarily true but it’s how you feel now. You somehow need to dig yourself out of that. You owe that to your future you, in case there is the slightest possibility that there is a way, you just don’t see it now. You fail until you don’t. And there is no way to know in advace how many more times you have to fail.
Get professional help. Call one of the helplines and just talk to them. They’re more skilled than internet strangers and they have some contacts they can connect you with. Maybe you need a doctor, I don’t really know.
As of now I think you need some coping strategy to get into a position where you’re able to do something (again) and not just feel down and dwell in that. I know that’s easier said then done…
I won’t call anyone. There’s no anyone anyways. Not for free.
That’s not true: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
It’s like dozens of pages of free numbers. Pick one that suits your needs. And they’re not all just for absolute emergencies… Or call a friend, a relative… They might know you and have an outside perspective on you and your situation.
I won’t kill myself. I don’t have access to guns and any other method is too painful.
You make your life what you want. Figure out what you want, health, happiness, love, family, something, maybe all of the above. Then you go and get it. You need to do this yourself. Help yourself.
There is no universial point of life.
Plenty tried to answer that and failed because that’s not how it works. Every life is as worthy as they make it and so far, you have been struggling to appreciate you.
Seek help. I’m sure you have all the power in you to make a change by yourself but it just maybe a little to hard of a struggle for yourself to deal with.
You can’t see a future for you, but there is one. You know well a few things that you don’t like, so that’s definitely not something to pursue. Somehow or other, you’ll have to find out what you do like. It’s probably something you assume you don’t like, but haven’t tried yet. Or something you have never even seen a video of to realize it’s a thing that can be done.
You seem very stuck on being low class with no opportunities, is that a cultural thing from where you are?
I feel for you man. Life is hard sometimes and I often find myself wondering if it’s worth it. Why do we bring new life into this world with a strong chance they’re not going to enjoy it? Especially with the downward trend we seem to be going through.
I think many western societies have lost their community culture and we let so many people fall through the cracks to be forgotten about and really struggle. Which is where I guess you are now.
I wish we did things better, and there was more care to go around for everyone. I wish we didn’t need to be working most of our waking hours primarily for the benefit of a rich minority. I wish we didn’t have to deal with the pointlessness of existence and the many pains we inevitably go through in our lives. But, here we are. There aren’t many good options other than to figure out how to enjoy some of it.
You’ve said you will never love yourself and you don’t want anything other than a female companion and children. I think that’s the depression talking. My suggestion is to talk to someone about it, when you can bring yourself to do so. Preferably a professional, but talk to whoever you can that’s not random strangers on the internet. We don’t really know anything about you so you’re not going to get anything concrete here. I’m hoping this is just one of your steps of reaching out and overcoming this situation.
