Are you radically different than your younger self? Are there key elements that have stayed the same? Most parts? Do you feel as if you’ve followed the “roadmap of life” or forged your own path? Have there been “chapters” or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow? Share what you’d like!
About to turn 58 here. Can’t complain. I’ve led a pretty productive life, always stayed busy. No children, always taking on a new hobby. Backpacked frequently, kayaked, fished, always tried to learn something new. Kept a garden, built a garage bigger than my house, put up fences, remodeled my house plus a rental property. Doctor’s assistants would tell me I had the heart rate of a professional athlete or something like that. However a few years ago I slowed down dramatically. Gained 30 pounds. Back hurts more often, sore muscles don’t heal as fast. Use it or lose it as they say. I still have most of my teeth and all of my thick luscious hair so there’s that haha. Yes I do view my life in chapters. I’ve stayed the same person but have grown less optimistic
Someone said something that really struck me. I just wish I could remember who, they are (or were? I imagine they’re still alive but who knows - sometimes this stuff all blends together) a queer photographer who recorded the sexual activities of same-sex couples and self. Either way, she said something on aging like “I always thought I was young, until I went to the doctors and suddenly I walk out and I’m old.” And you could really feel the frustration and pain in her words. It made me sad, because sudden health issues can really take you down a peg or three. And you don’t usually know about them until you’re on the ground. But I will say my mom’s partner is about same boat (but older) and he kept about the same thing going on. And while he can’t do things as actively as he used to - he still stays fit using a rowing machine and he still keeps-a-going. So I know (from what I’m reading here) you’ll figure out a way to get what you need.
But not only that, and I always joke about this - but you’ll want that little bit of fat on you for when you get older cause I swear to god you get hit with some sickness and if you’re too skinny it just wipes you from the Earth. At least as I seen it when I worked in a home =P!
Okay, that’s it, you dun-did good and may you keep doing well =)!
I’m only 24 yet can see by now where the crochetiness comes from.
I feel like the world has gotten way faster than it was when I was 24. Idk if I could say the same about the gen above me because Gen X was freakin’ bonkers. But for sure it feels faster. I’d be in the same boat.
In my 20s I got really optimistic about aging. See I was unschooled and never really had any life outside my home life, which wasn’t great. Didn’t get a high school diploma and starting my first job felt impossible.
Soon I made a group of friends, I discovered art, and I felt like I was capable of learning and growing and having a fulfilling life. I actually looked forward to being 30 because I thought I’d have matured a lot and learned how to live.
30 now. My friends were toxic. I lost my passion for art. I can’t find any work outside of retail and I can’t get an education because I’m so busy making ends meet. I feel like I’ve regressed into the worst version of my shut-in child self. I work and I get what sleep I can and I have no relationships.
I really hope this is part of the process.
You’re going to be okay. It might fucking suck right now, but you’ll be okay. I am not sure if it is still around, but there is a thing tied to everyone’s social security that can give you a free-education under x-amount of dollars ($30k?) training underutilized individuals w/ higher education and the trades. You could be a CNA if you’ve got the openess to it, you can do CNC training, you can do radiology tech stuff, dog grooming. You could do workforce at a local college. Maybe get a cert in wastewater which pays well. Or idk, robotics. It’s factory work, but it also pays well. It’s kinda like CNC from what I hear. You can do some freecodecamp.org on the low or Odin Project if you’ve got the time. I think following a class would be a lot safer, because you are kind of forced to a rythm over self-study. I wish I had more, but I know this much! Oh phlebotomy as well, you can study that. An ex of mine was fucked and then studied medical billing. They followed jobs across the US (recruiters) and ended up super wealthy. So that’s pretty cool.
For some people it’s really clear what they want and where they’re going. And for others it shifts. It sounds like you knew what you wanted, and then realized it wasn’t working. You can give up on art, but you know…you can find others to make art with who are fuck-faces. I have found sharing the joy of creativity sparks more. I’m making an equisite corpse with someone right now, but if you wanna make one too - I’d totally be down. Whatever medium, I don’t care. Just let me know.
I’m around =)
Friendships can be just as hard as relationships. It’s kinda like how people get married without being prepared to commit and invest. Same with friendships.
I’m essentially the same but with more wisdom/experience, less anxiety, and worse health.
Sounds like there’s a lot more samies than I thought there would be. *High-five!
Less anxiety! *High-five!
Worse health…*Low-five!?
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Yeah I got old man’s habits after having no energy for the same reason as you. Save that sweet energy whenever you can.
Big hugs =(!
While I don’t have kids, I did live next to methheads for a good chunk of change and they wrecked my sleep and I think they made my brains go further cuckoo and for sure aged me up. Sleep is such an integral part of existing, I hope they calm down soon and you get some solid zzzs. Perhaps naps might help? I am not sure, and I don’t know how much you take care of - or if a partner is in the picture - and how much they take care of? But either way I’m sorry it sucks so much. I hear it’s worth it big picture =)
I have an amazing wife and we share responsibility for our two kids. My 3y old sleeps well for the most part and our 1y old will get there, too.
Chances are you would have been a worse parent 10 years earlier; full of energy, but not enough experience to know how to parent well, and perhaps harboring a secret resentment for crushed dreams.
10 years later, those dreams are already achieved/crushed and those kids are the next big project in your life that you can pay full attention to. When you’re caffeinated, of course.
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Same
=(!
I’m the poster child for The Road Not Taken. It’s been a weird and wild ride.
The same since single-digit age:
- Still strongly align with the Party of the European Left (I’m from USA)
- Still a devout zoophilist
- Still prefer vegan food
Different at 62:
- Less physical strength & flexibility
- Switched from theist to atheist
- Learning to enjoy my irrelevance
You sound like an absolute blast, and I dig it. 10/10!
Sounds like you’re doing life right, whatever roads you took to get to where you’re at =)
Still a devout zoophilist
Sorry, a what now?
Wait, hot damn I read that as like someoen who loves animals. Eh, life! Okay. Well, it takes all kinds. Not in love with that. Cause you know, consent. But I can’t say a damn thing about it. Because to be honest, I knew someone else who was of that life many moons ago. They told me cause I’ve just got one of those faces people be telling shit to. Felt the same way when they told me. Not about that life. Not exactly happy about it. Not really sure where to sit there. But I don’t really have any say in it in this department.
(I def legit thought it was like being a vegan =P!)
And before people come knocking on my door I don’t have contact with this person. I had no actual knowledge of anything they did. I don’t even know if they did anything. Because as far as I knew, they were a virgin (which they said). And all things aside, it might have just been furry stuff. But I don’t know because I literally DO NOT KNOW!!! So no, I didn’t report animal abuse or anything, because I literally had nothing to do with it other than just like…hearing it like someone telling me they like eating farts or something and then it was gone.
Your initial reaction was correct; I’m viscerally opposed to using animals for sex.
There is a world of difference between a zoophilist and a zoophile, but i understand how easy it is to confuse the words.
Ah, jesus - thank god! Cause I loved the vibe on you. You seemed like a real firecracker. But god I gotta say, not into animal cruelty! Phew! Yeah, animal rights, all the way! Hahahaha! Ah, jeez! Yeah. Sorry about that, saw the person’s thing and since I grew up with the lowest bar of education I thought I had something wrong there. PHEW! Thank you.
Also, I donno if I thought you might have had a penis, but the person who told me that jim-jam also didn’t have a penis. But all things aside, I hopped into your profile - saw you had a husband and figured - it takes all kinds(?) and that you might be a woman (statistically speaking) but also you know…life? But also a vagina holder, hey-yo!
Don’t fret, just wanted to check I understood right, is all
The bigoted version of me from 10 years ago would be shocked to know he is queer and a socialist
closet case me would have his mind blown to know that there are classically beautiful men that are into average looking chubby bears; i regret not enjoying myself in my 20’s every time i get to envy all the 20 somethings enjoying themselves to their fullest at the clubs.
at least it’s fun to enjoy it vicariously as i watch them have fun. lol
I have some friends who never ended coming out. I mean, they told me they were gay, but they tucked that shit so far back it was in Narnia. I once seen Luenell say something like “It don’t matter what you look like honey, as long as you can make them laugh!” But really there’s all kinds and I have always felt in this world - as long as all individuals are down with the tango - let it rip! Don’t agree with the chase though, that’s just creepy. Let it go~~~~ (By that I mean one-sided interests)
You know one thing I can tell you is that I came up in the gay clubs and it was fun and cool and a certain way but I don’t really know how wholesome it was. And I remember always talking to folks and telling them that I just wanted to create a space that was healthier for young queers to traverse that didn’t have to just be at night (and I guess bookstores?)
But I think while everyone kinda lacks third-spaces now - that queers have a pretty accessible support network online. And some in person, depending on how they assemble. But either way, I think there’s a lot more you can do than get wasted and mack on someone nowadays, and that’s pretty cool. Cause it leads to healthier relationships with self and others I think.
One thing though, I will say you gusy can go to gay bars. Like actual bars, not clubs. If you’re into that kind of thing. Cause men of all age ranges hang out at those. But it’s also kinda a scene, you know? I’m not a gay man, just a lesbian who’s sibbies are gay men. So I love hanging with my guys. Big hug to ya sweet bear <3~
I’m not a gay man, just a lesbian who’s sibbies are gay men.
a group of lesbians came into the club i was at sunday and you could feel the disappointment oozing from them once they realized the kind of club it was; they were clearly dressed for dancing but the only booty shaking that happens there is of the prurient kind. lol
it seems to happens at least once a night and i think it shows the distance between the 2 groups but i’m glad they weren’t a gaggle of straight women this time; whenever they show up, they like to dominate the space to get between the men having fun and that makes everyone else leave.
Oh yo! You do club down, cool! Hahaha. Yeah I was like plenty of time to catch up if you’re down. Hahahaha! Gay men have robust club lives, I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives. Idk why the hell women gotta go at it like we’re cats and dogs. Gay men are a blast, and I’ve had a great queer life along side of them. Yooooo, but legitimately I was doing this whole Stonewall thing this one go-round and laughed cause it was the same story. You had like that one dyke to eight gay men. Would crack me up. Hahaha! Those ladies could have been chill and etched out a space for themselves cause legitimately gay men do not care if you join the party. And I’ve run through the gamut. You just chill, laugh and love. (God that sounds like eat, drink, love or whatever but seriously I’ve had a blast going through the gay scene of America =P!) Plus, if you’ve got a vagina you don’t get roofied. So that’s pretty cool.
Oh but true story I think the statistics for queer people are actually pretty interesting. Idk if you ever looked into them, and there’s still a lot of speculation surrounding them. But it’s really crazy how everything lines up. And if you give it a think you’ll be like - damn this really reflects the scene I’ve seen.
Also straight women are/were(?) horny for gay men. I think it’s cute. I think it’s probably a lot less nowadays, but hot damn when I was out gay men were like candy to them. Hahahaha! I think because they get to hang out with guys, but have fun in a less-gender coded way. Shrugs~ Idk they were kicking folks out basically, but I mean that’s so…life. Right? Cause every time you get a niche vibe going, the “normies” (some folks hate this shit and it is biased so whateverrrrrrr - you get all the spaces, give us some!) come through and change it all. I’ve lost a couple cities in my lifetime to that shit, and I just feel so let down by how things have changed in that way.
Ooo, since I have you here. Let’s talk cruising! Cause I brought it up recently and I thought about it (also joined with the statistics things). Don’t you think it’s fucking bananas that people in this day and age are still living those double-lives? Like, can’t we just let it go and let people just be? Is it cause they want the “best” of both worlds? I never could figure it out, but I thought maybe it’s cause of something like that. Give me your two cents if you’ve got it. I know you came out later in life, and idk where you life so maybe you’ve got a different feel for the whole thing. Let me know though~
I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives.
rotflmao
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO btw, I seen you’re brown-town. Heyyyy =D~!!! I saw the POC lemmy the other day and was like IN to it! Good stuff on there. I was happy it existed and of the stuff it had. Even if there are (now) six people there =)! Whatsup my brother <3~!!! Indigie too (HI) =P~!!!
what’s POC lemmy?
As I’ve watched the continued and utter destruction of our natural habitat, the increased pollution and started reading up on climate changes effects and Limits to Growth I realised I didn’t want to be part of what was happenig and wanted to distance myself as much as possible from the people who were. Being surrounded by people and things that make you sick in the mind and body is not what I wanted. It did take a near death experience to catalyse the thoughts into actions though.
I had a change of life about 25 years ago, am now 57. I quit my job, my wife at the time didn’t want to take that journey with me, so got divorced. Now have a parter who does, live frugally (which I always mostly have, just back then I had lots of surplus income I invested, now only a little surplus income from said investments) and am debt free in a little cottage in a small town. A few missteps along the way, as I am not the all seeing eye.
Looking back my regret was not doing it sooner, never been brave I guess ?
Interesting segue, my next door neighbour is a recently retired crane operator who installed windfarms with mega cranes and before that was a lawyer and before that emigrated from another country.
I am so freakin’ unbelievably thankful to be with someone who didn’t start from a place of minimalism but ultimately arrived here. Because it just makes life so much easier. You don’t buy a bunch of junk. You don’t consume a bunch of junk. And simple comforts reign supreme. I am glad you guys are happy and you’re living simply. I am not sure what big picture will happen with us. By that I mean, I don’t know where we’re going to go or how we’re going to live. But I think a lot of stuff is up in the air for most. Glad you guys got to escape the rat race though.
Am I radically different than my younger self? Hmm, I’ve become truer to my younger self than I ever was in my early-mid twenties.
I grew my hair back out when it started thinning because I had it grown out when I was a teenager. I only ever cut it short to please others. I figured If I was gonna go bald, I’d enjoy what’s left while I had it.
My politics moved left from the neoliberal views I used to hold once I realized how entrenched financial interests were responsible for almost every longterm societal problem. I figure If I become A full blown tankie by the time I’m 72, I will have done something right.
I have always been a staunch atheist but I have recently discovered the peace associated with spirituality like that proposed by Sam Harris. Philosophy has become much more important to me in general. I’ve always wanted to volunteer in my community and now I do
I realized that sometimes life won’t let you follow the road map no matter how badly you want it. -All I can do is try not to stress too much over it. I’m In the latter half of my 30s now.
Yo, can you explain this tankie thing? Cause I seen people being grumpy as fudge about it on here. And I was like - what? Is? A? Tankie? YO!? And then I tried to look it up and was further confused and said I just don’t think I get the internet. I’m gunna chill for the rest of today. And so, I did =P!
I too enjoy a cup of spirituality. I was going to church for a spin or three (I used to go to a temple but I don’t have one around) but I have such utter grumpy feels about finding that someone might have diddled a skittle that I dropped it all for now. I figured I’d just keep going in my own way. Philosophy is a blast, I was practicing stocism for a while because I am an extremist. But then looked at Putin, figured he’s probably the most stoic human being alive and decided to drop it.
I’m glad you got into the volunteer scene =)
Same age homie-g! Sounds like we’re walking some similar brain-goo =)!
How have I aged… to quote the tourettes guy, “You look like 200lbs of bird shit!”
So far, mid 20s and over the last few years I feel it’s ever so slightly harder for me to be on my knees. That, and I naturally lean a lot more into one foot when standing at the sink doing dishes, so I find I gotta sit after doing dishes to rest whichever foot was being leaned on because I usually take a long time doing them.
Early 40s with 2 active kids under 9. Nothing works any more, constantly exhausted. 20 year old me had no idea.
FIX IT!
Aww man, I’d be six feet under. Ugh. Not saying kill yourself, just saying I feel your exhaustion coming through the screen. On the plus side, you are explicitly forming the hope of the future. And that’s pretty cool. And when they’re grown, and hopefully they’re doing well - I really hope you feel pride through all the pain and exhaustion. Cause you did something/and are doing something phenomenal. I hope you’ve got some solid support?
My knees and lower back remind me that I’ve aged.
Just the other day I had to help my gal who is actually super, super active but reached down to move something (what? I can’t remember) and just ended up lying on the floor because she pulled her back. Was sad =(! Is always sad, pertaining to everyone. Oh, backs!
Honestly, I’m now excellent at what I do and have confidence in that but, as I wander through my upper thirties, I’m not really feeling much different than my mid twenties.
I heard someone say thirties are the new twenties. I don’t know if they’re saying that because life expectancy went up (I think it came back down since then?) or because they were being catchy like a Cosmo article. But I am super glad your hard work paid off, because nothing is lovelier than mastery =)!
I’m living that way bc the economy was so bad in my 20s, and I feel like I’ve missed out. Couldn’t afford a house, or kids, or travel. I’m doing a little better now but a decade passed without me having many options.
I think they say this because they’re in their 30s now and would prefer to still be in their 20s (saying that as a 40 is the new 30 guy)
I feel like I’ve been hit by a couple of SUV’s and only barely able to claim to be in my 30’s. A few years ago I had an xray done and was in a room waiting for a doctor. This random guy walked in and asked my name, age, and if I had just had my scapula xrayed. He said He had to double check that nothing had been mixed up because my bones looked like someone in their 80’s… Maybe avoid actually getting hit by those SUV’s. My folks are in their mid to upper sixties, but I’m still the slower crochety one, unless I’m on a bike. For all you mid to old farts, there is a reason so many of us are on bikes. It may seem impossible, hell, I can barely sit up or walk, but it is amazing how bad of shape a person can be in and still ride a bike when it is properly setup and fit to the person. Without riding I fall apart both physically and mentally.
In other news, I expected the logarithm of day length verses lifespan to level out so that days seemed like a stable unit of mental measure, but the slowdown never happened and a day is an impossibly short amount of time.
That’s fucking miserable. Jesus christ? Genetics!?!? Idk. I mean what do you even do in this situation? I know they fix that shoulder joint. But idk if they fix that back part. But Jesus! I can’t see your name when replying but you wouldn’t magically happen to be that person that I talked to in the dancing molecules article chit-chat? Cause if you are, and you’re still lined up for surgery god bless. If not, and there is some kinda treatment I hope somebody’s got your back and you’ve got a little time you can point towards that. Ooph. This hurt to read.
Thanks
WOAH! You are the person? My guy, you were on my mind the other day because I literally was told by my doctor that they might have to go forward with an operation and I was like “I guess it’s you and me both brother” and sent some mental sorrows your way. Hahahaha! God, I hope that operation goes well. It sounds like it’ll be okay, I mean it sounds awful, but it also sounds like you’ve got a clear path to being maybe 60 or even 40 instead of 80. Just hot damn! Big hugs =X!
