more complaining, sorry guys :(
I’ve been on five hours of sleep for the past few nights, and one of those nights was staying up to finish an assignment. Then on subsequent nights, I just couldn’t fall asleep. I think the lack of sleep is starting to affect me. Everything feels shitty.
Today I woke up when my shift started, and ended up being half an hour late for work. Luckily it wasn’t catastrophic. I didn’t have to open the store or anything. But there was that.
I went to practise guitar before and found myself avoiding that, because there’s this one (easy) riff my teacher gave me, and I just haven’t been able to get it up to speed. In reality, I know that if I just practise really slowly and build up speed, I will get there. I’ve realised that I’ve done so much avoiding in my life that I haven’t really given anything a good go, so of course I’m going to be miserable. My mind is a bitch. I’m not listening to her anymore. Doing nothing is exhausting.
The stress and anxiety I felt from the assessment period hasn’t dissipated yet. It’s only been a couple of days though. Normally I’m under the pump, even though I don’t have to be, but it’s never felt this terrible. I keep repeating to myself that I am not my emotions, but an observer of my emotions.
Nothing feels real anymore. I feel like I’m in a dream. I don’t feel connected to anyone. Or anything. I think some good sleep and exercise will solve this. Plus remembering my values.
I have a psych, and I feel like I’m not getting anywhere with them. It’s like I’m paying $100 a session for someone to listen to me talk. At least they’re accepting of neurodivergence, the last one said I’m anxious and depressed, which is certainly how it manifests. I’ve seen numerous counsellors and psychologists and nothing has worked. Except my book on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has been a good step with being aware. It’s been years since I started therapy and I feel like I’m still the same as my teenage self.
Super early night. Up at 6:30am and Im too mentally tired to be of much use.
Goodnight everyone, have a great night ❤️
Ah, nice
looks like heaven 😊
Close 🙂 North Stradbroke Island
Nice. 😊
Pondering spinning up an au-specific home automation comm. anyone interested?
I don’t even know what that is.
so tell me about it 😊
Home automation is basically smarthome stuff. Except the comm i’m thinking of would be more focused on home assistant, which is an os that lets you create an in-house server for everything. So no using google or tapo or eight billion other apps because omg device need internets, you can cut them off, they’re locked into your house and controlled by you.
I am going to Hobbiton with Miss Seagoon tomorrow. She is so excited even tho she has been before and she said she doesn’t know a bigger fan than me.
We are going on the tour and then having a banquet/second breakfast. Staying in Hamilton, having a bit of a look around then coming home to up north.
We are also looking into going to the northern most tip of NZ later in the week.
In malacology news I found the lip and centre of a triton, a most sought after shell that you often see in museums.
I woke up early this morning and had a look at the stars, so many and so bright. It’s nice after so many years of living in the city to see stars.
The cloud over Bream Bay was spectacular , just one long cloud.
Not the most glamorous photo but I’m pretty happy with how this batch of red beans tastes - would’ve diced the celery and green pepper smaller but it was good enough considering how little space I have to work with in this wretched kitchen.
beenz
Making green rice in the rice cooker wasn’t a great idea, I’ve got green flecks everywhere to clean. But I got there in the end. Just waiting for the rice to rest and dinner is up!
Nice 👍
As long as it’s yummy!
Sully’s on tv tonight. I think I have my evening movie set.
It’s a good film even if you know how it turns out. The NTSB is unreasonably villainish though, even the real life people involved disagreed vehemently with that bit
I’ve seen it before and enjoyed it. Def want to watch it again tonight!
yum 🤤
I applied for a bunch of jobs, so I treated myself to the last two DLCs for Cult of the Lamb that I was missing. Gosh I love this game, the sound design and soundtrack are amazing, and the gameplay is toight! ^like a toiger^
🙌🏼 praise the lamb 🙌🏼
Is any of the dlc content more than just costumes?
I have succeeded in unloading everything from the van, but still need to move some of the stuff out of the way so that I can move the van out of the garage. I have one set of shelves up and a rough plan of where I want all of the shelves to go, it’s just going to be a bit of a hassle moving everything out of the way so I can put the shelves up and then put the things I’ve moved onto them. Hopefully next weekend the weather will be ok and I can either move a bit of stuff temporarily outside or move the van out the front for a little while to give me room to work. I’ll also need to make a trip to the tip to get rid of a few things like an old gas bottle and tin of petrol.
The gangs all here.
Gotta admit getting squeaked at impatiently by the kitten is pretty funny.
She’s already learned how to be a cat.
Did you get tail hugs today?
Instead of jambalaya I decided to try red beans (with rice) - utilising the original recipe being something you can cook and cook for hours on a low flame. These beans have been on the stove for like 5 hours and I’m now adding them to the sauteed vegetables and spices and vegan chorizo for another 1-2 hours while I faff around with other shit, like making “green rice” with poblano chillies and some parsley but none of the oil, aromatics and other usual stuff. Let’s see if it can be done in the rice cooker.
when’s dinner?
I should be doing chores but Melbcat and I are having a lie in. She’s being the little spoon between me and the computer.
I did throw some washing on when I had to get up so that counts!
aw🥰
Sometimes she even helps me with the computer. So it’s a polite wrestling for control of the keyboard. She’s a great typer
I have now collapsed and removed sticky tape from the boxes I am planning to use as a weed barrier in the garden. Unfortunately I also discovered some more polystyrene, so I’ve had to throw that in the bin instead of being able to recycle it. Fortunately I don’t have much other rubbish as the bin is now almost full. The next step is to start on assembling shelves and trying to get a bit of order into the chaos in the garage.
Miss Meow came into the garage for a bit of an explore - she scaled the heights of the van, had a look around and then realised it was actually pretty boring in there and went back inside to the couch.
another slow day here
I am making sure i stay caffeinated ☕😊
When are you flying back to Home?
The 16th in the evening 😊
Old manager tried to make me look bad again. I delivered the greatest possible fisting I could whilst remaining within the boundaries of being professional.
What the actual fuck is wrong with this dude?! How old is he?
absolutely no comprehension of how other people actually see him
He’s 55.
His problem is that I showed him up. The team did an incredible job this year, almost double what they did last year and he can’t hack that someone is doing a better job.
I’ve got a meeting tomorrow with my new manager who’s slt in the morning so it’ll be good to have a chat.
Because later in the day, I have my 3 month “Check in” which sadly includes the old manager.
Jsyk, checkins go both ways…
Took the boys on the train to the Preston Market. I’m impressed with the place. I’m surprised I’ve never been here before. I’ve lived around Preston but never near or in Preston before, so that’s probably why. But I should have checked it out sooner
I suggested Preston market but everyone else went “nah” and we decided to try Pipeworks market for a change. I’ve never been there. Jesus Christ what a shithole.
I haven’t been to pipeworks yet but good to know. Preston has enough mix of new and old to feel like both an establish and trendy new market
