Grateful to be inside and shielded from the weather, sleep, and feeling kinda hopeful about a Difficult Assignment.

I do. In this case, I meant being alone as in enjoying one’s own company and not needing a relationship to feel satisfied.

Thank you Spud <3

Thank you Seagoon :)

I had the stupid idea of downloading Hinge as one of my Sunday Sleep Deprivation Mishaps. As soon as I downloaded it, a guy who I matched with two years ago on a different app sends me a rose.

Now this guy asked me on a date after talking for a while (not making that mistake again) and at first I said yes. But the next day, I said no and apologised. He tells me that I did him dirty, he’s the most depressed he’s been in five years, he was going to organise a beach date and buy me flowers, he couldn’t celebrate his friend’s exciting news when he saw my message, he told his family about me, yada yada yada. I thought I was bad but this was like a whole new level of desperation and I noped tf out immediately. Dude would also compare me to girls he was going out on dates with and telling me about his date fails. Put me on pedestal. It’s not fair to anyone involved to put someone on a pedestal. I don’t think it’s something that people are really aware of sometimes, though.

Some people really need to be okay with being alone. I guess a relationship would be nice one day, but I love my peace :) and even though it seems like being on the apps could increase the chance, I’m just going to live my life. If it happens, nice. If it doesn’t, then so be it.

If you chase butterflies, they’ll fly away. If you build a nice garden, you might attract butterflies. If no butterflies, you will have built a beautiful garden for yourself. I’m building my garden :)

I’m in survival mode.

Lots of assignments to do and one of them is especially not going to plan. Have to change the whole thing and it’s due on Friday. Not very growth mindset of me but I don’t think I’m cut out for academia. Then there’s the whole what do I even do with my useless degree thought spirals. Can’t wait to be done with this degree at least. I’m so lucky I get to do a degree but I feel like I’ve taken it for granted.

Last day of winter!!!^wooooo

That’s so fucked 😍😍😍

Sorry, where are these clear skies you speak of?!

Probably doxxing where I work. People return charging cables at the place I work saying they’re faulty. They have usually a) pressed down on the cable when holding their phone in front of their face whilst charging, b) had something wrong with their powerpoints or something like that or c) are outright lying because upon testing the cables after returns, 99% of them are perfectly fine. Most workers just return “faulty” stuff to avoid confrontation. Someone returned acid wash pants because the colour had faded. They’re acid wash pants.

We have an accumulation of charging cables now. Maybe one for every team member.

I remember running across the road (a quiet street) of my kindergarten as a four or five year old. I got scolded quite harshly and felt incredibly guilty.

I have a friend who lives in Sydney. She’s not really someone I talk about feelings to, but rather hobbies, and I would consider her to be one of my best friends.

A couple of months ago, I asked her how she found a particular artist we were talking about. She has a very diverse music taste and is constantly playing music. Ever since then, she sends me a song everyday, ranging from musicals, live performances and random stuff she’s picked up. I’ve never been exposed to such a variety of music. It’s a really special thing.

I wish there was some way I could repay her for thinking of me. I am so grateful to have a friend like her. I’m in awe.

Romantic love is cool and all, but platonic love is the shit. If I never experience romantic love again, I think I’ll be fine. Apparently single, unmarried women are happier anyway 🥹🤪

It sure does feel like a hurricane

Hallelujah

Weather songs please

Wind of Change - Scorpion

Why is that the case?

Booooooom.

Pitter patter, pitter patter.

Flash of lightning.

At my casual retail job, I don’t get a consistent number of hours. Last year, they asked me if I wanted to do a three hour shift that starts at 7am on a Sunday which is every week. I said yes due to the consistency and the pay being good. But I find myself being unable to sleep at a reasonable hour, and so every Sunday, I am extremely groggy and irritable. It’s been a year of this, and I ruined the relationship I was in because of emotional impulsivity due to lack of sleep. I also consistently make little mistakes during the shift that I wouldn’t make if I had slept properly, which also probably affects the way the managers see me. I tend to daudle getting ready because I’m so tired and am usually in a rush to get to work. I also don’t get to go out on Saturday nights, which I guess isn’t that much of a dealbreaker, but still kind of sucks. I’ve figured something has to change. I feel like if I can’t even wake up at 6 without being a freaking insomniac, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold down a job. I don’t know how I’ll be able to wake up for placement if I do teaching or some allied health course.

So it’s either, I force myself to wake up at 7am every single day and keep the 6am wake up on a Sunday, in the hope that I’ll be able to sleep better and improve my sleep hygiene. This is coming from a night owl who somehow just comes awake when I’m supposed to sleep. I’m thinking this is probably the better option for now because I don’t have the energy or time to write cover letters.

Or I quit and find a more predictable part time job that will allow me to take annual leave during potential placement next year. This will probably help with giving me a sense of routine.

I tell myself that I can’t watch stuff until I’ve done my work, and then sit around for hours not doing anything anyway. The paralysis.

This.