Cheating makes stories, gets talked about by both sides and is overall contentious. Fidelity is literally having nothing to tell, so when a cheater talks, it seems like everyone is cheating, but that is far from the truth.

Tw: child rape, abuse, drugs, cults, alcoholism, all kinds of random stuff.

Nah that person’s a piece of shit. Everybody laughing could be in a state of internal WTF JUST LAUGH ALONG or actually be part of whatever shitty culture. A lot of places legitimately don’t see how this is just insanely bad emotional maturity.

Remember though, people are VERY dynamic… Whenever you think you know the range of what people are like, just remember that you’re wrong and you ain’t seen nothing yet, and there are still far more conservative and far more liberal, and far smarter, and far dumber, and far more messed up stuff out there.

I dated a dude last summer that was telling me about a trans girl he dated years ago that grew up in a trailer park, hooked on meth, and was habitually raped by adults her whole life and everybody in that meth cult thought it was normal.

I’ve known wealthy people who were good people, wealthy people who were bad people, poor people who grew up and embraced greed and became rich, slum lords, teachers that cheat on each other and end up trading spouses and remarry. Old retired people having orgies, bdsm people who want to be whipped bloody to get off, and also 40 year old virgins and people who will never, ever find anybody because of circumstances and they think it’s okay. Forgiving people, people who hold grudges, people who judge blindly, people who live in their own world of privilege, people who are miserable from listening to nothing but npr, sociopath guys who want to get with me, girls who flirt with me but rob me, people absolutely addicted to drugz nonstop everyday but otherwise are perfectly functional members of society, people with iq of 50, people with iq of 170. Families that behave like Mafia and families that behave like community leaders. Families that barely resemble families

There is always a bigger fish in the pond. There is always somebody who pushes your understanding of what an npc can be. Everybody’s so incredibly different, yet in a certain light, we are all the same.

My point is, be yourself. If it sounds off to you, then it isn’t a good fit for you. Use your best judgement, try to think deeply to define your morality by reading some simple philosophy - or not. You’re special and unique and that’s okay. Life is a long journey of finding what you like and what likes you back. It really is worth standing up for what you believe in, but also try to keep an open mind and at least truly understand what other people’s lives are like. But you still need to put your own mask on before you can help others. And remember, it’s your life, it truly is what you make of it.

People are all dumb though and make mistakes. We’re just animals, all learning by making our own mistakes. Some not learning, some deciding that they want power, others deciding on bizarre motives.

You do you, and pave your own way. Be honest with yourself though, that’ll save you a lifetime of time.

Some people are just shittier than others. What they look like on the outside has no bearing on their inner beauty.

I think it would be less common if people accepted that monogamy is not the norm. Just be honest with yourself and your partner(s). If you want a monogamous relationship - commit to it. If not - don’t start one. I found out that I am polyamorous the hard way by thinking I am some kind of monster because I couldn’t just be with one partner. I did not cheat but kind of always had other love interests. Fortunately, my partner of 20+ years now was able to accept this as part of me. And now there is no risk of cheating for either of us because we can just be honest if there is someone else. It doesn’t change my love for him, it even made our bond stronger because it needs even more loyalty and acceptance of the needs of your partner to let them be.

Married 20 years, never thought abut cheating, got divorced , and remarried 15 years now, and never think about cheating. If you commit to somebody, they should be your one and only, IMO.

I personally don’t cheat, wouldn’t cheat, being Demi/ace. But unfortunately everyone around me either cheats or has an open relationship then gets jealous when their SO gets some action. A lot of them have STDs.

No, people who commonly do bad things, will often justify it to themselves and others by thinking most people do the same thing. And despite their protesting and arguing, they’re pretty much always wrong.

I’ve heard more than one petty thief confidently claim that “everyone” steals something like a candybar when they go to the store. And it’s why there are so many stories of cheaters accusing their partner of cheating.

For some people it is pretty common. For others, it isn’t. The thing is: the people that treat it as a common everyday thing expect that to be the case for everyone - so if you interact with them routinely, you’d probably think that everybody is out to cheat at all times, but that’s definitely not the norm.

Monogamy is socially imposed, not a biological prerogative. Therefore yes, cheating is common because social norms can only do so much to override basic human nature.

The natural human relation is a long term partnership without sexual exclusivity, which is common in other primates as well. This is why people cheat but still want to stay with their partners.

Cheating is like divorce it’s common if you look at the percentage of relationships. They are both less common if you look at at individuals. Cheaters always cheat again, those who get divorced often do so again.

The thought has never crossed my mind, and it would have never crossed the minds of anyone I know. I have no urge to cheat and neither does my partner. I have generally thought that it’s a very unusual and uncommon phenomenon for someone to cheat, and I find it surprising how many people here think otherwise

I don’t think I know anyone who’s cheated. But I also hang out with a lot of polyamorous people, where cheating is possible but I feel like is less common.

I think infidelity varies, but one thing doesn’t: people who cheat and have zero remorse are not trustworthy.

You may have had a crush, but it sounds like you got lucky by missing out.

You have to consider a few things here. You’re not the only one with social anxiety at that event. Your reaction is not to go in the first place (my MO as well) or to sit quietly hoping it shall pass with haste. Others talk too much. School reunions are such a rich vein for neurosis because you’re guaranteed to be judged by your peers. Peers who knew you very well when you weren’t a more well put together person yet. Few people behave like themselves there. So if the woman says she cheated a million times lol, her neurons may be on the fritz as well because she’s more thinking about how she dunked Sharon’s head in the toilet in freshman year or whatever. And that memory is haunting. And she’s sitting just over there! WHY HASN’T SHE SAID ANYTHING? … So you need to have a salt shaker handy for anything you hear.

Also, some people like attention and will say anything to get it. People like to construct a public persona around their worst character traits, the ones they’re unable to change. It’s like they’re putting a cool leather jacket on, aviator shades too. To distract themselves from their inner monolog, which very well might be telling them what a piece of shit they are.

And cheating is common. In my social group I know of a handful of cases. Drunk and horny, sober and crushing - the motivations are on a scale. In some relationships these secrets never get revealed, in others they’ve made the bond stronger, others have broken up. I would say very few people brag about it but hey, we contain multitudes. Some people end up in an unhealthy game of hurt oneup(wo)manship. Relationships are hard fucking work.

It is also a different picture when you have children with your partner. The willingness to forgive infractions increases for the good of the children.

And while centuries of indoctrination of monogamy and loyalty to your spouse can make this hard to accept: some people make open relationships work. I think it’s more often than not the last stepping stone to disaster but if you can make it work, vaya con dios. I have a hard time with it but I’m trying not to judge.

None of this needs to change how you feel about cheating though.

My understanding is that infidelity is very nearly binary in its commonality.

There are groups of people for whom infidelity is normal, it is the norm. They believe that everyone cheats, and in their experience everyone does, because they are cheaters and are friends with cheaters. They believe that fidelity is impossible, and claims to the contrary is just social posturing

Then you have groups of people for whom infidelity is basically unthinkable. That it is the greatest breach of trust possible. It is not just not normal, it is non-existent— you don’t cheat, your partner doesn’t cheat, your friends don’t cheat, no one you know cheats. If someone you know cheats, or someone known by someone you know cheats, it is legitimately horrifying: this is not merely social posturing, it is literally shocking to you, because in your world, cheating simply does not happen. It is horrible.

Cheaters think everyone cheats. Non-cheaters believe no one cheats, or only horrible people cheat. These two groups tend to self sort themselves into groups. Bad things happen when the two groups intermingle, in fact.

What’s also a tragedy is when someone who would naturally be in the non-cheating group ends up, mistakenly, in a cheating group. They will begin to feel like everyone ELSE in the world cheats, while they themselves never would. They keep getting hurt, they keep getting betrayed, and they don’t understand why. They need a better friend group… and let me be clear: non-cheating non-groups ABSOLUTELY EXIST. Those groups simply don’t interact with cheating groups— they basically don’t even know that the cheating groups exist, and would be horrified to find out. So if you’re caught up in a cheating social circle, getting out is really hard! You need to find people who have literally nothing in common with the people you already know!

It kinda sucks. I don’t know a solution.