One of my new friends is/was a cop. Just found out about it. I genuinely believe ACAB, and this news has me conflicted because my new friend seems really cool and super nice. I don’t know him super well yet, though. He’s a big part of this new friend group and I don’t know how to process this and how to deal with the fact he’s a cop.
I don’t want to look past the fact he’s a cop, but I want to stay his friend and stay in this friend group.
Any advice for dealing with this shit?
I can’t talk to my therapist about it until Thursday.
Sounds familiar. Keeping things vague, but I know a US cop. Out and proud about voting for the convicted felon rather than the district attorney, not that he could possibly think of it that way.
His kids are grown and I’ve seen evidence they don’t share his views. At least one of those kids is a woman. I take solace in the fact that their votes cancelled his out, even if things have gone his way.
I wouldn’t say he’s a friend, but he’s definitely friend of a friend territory and I’ve “spoken” with him a few times. Carefully. It’s been almost pleasant. Even the ones with their heads on wrong can be personable. Until you get on their bad side.
Because of mutual friends, I can’t avoid him all the time, but if I can, I do.
i use to work with the police, and many i considered my friends. i know they were good people, but i also knew those on the force that were not.
part of the acab movement is about how the general public can never know which is which, so it is in our best interest to assume we are always facing the worst of the worst. your intimate knowledge of the person can be held separately from the movement.
i do understand that those good cops allowing those bad cops is a huge issue but thats really on them, not you. officers who attempt to ‘fix’ this issue arent officers for very long.
officers who attempt to ‘fix’ this issue arent officers for very long.
I think this is the crux of it. ACAB because any cop with morals and integrity doesn’t keep their job. Those who are left are either monsters or enablers.
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ACAB is cops as a collective. Like, your friend may be a great person when not at work. And may even be ‘one of the good ones’ when on the clock.
That doesn’t mean he’s going to testify against a fellow officer that he sees planting drugs on a suspect.
ACAB is cops as a collective. Like, your friend may be a great person when not at work. And may even be ‘one of the good ones’ when on the clock.
That doesn’t mean he’s going to testify against a fellow officer that he sees planting drugs on a suspect.
Totally. Some of the most horrific stories in the Police Problem community is what cops do to their friends and family.
There’s that one cop that won best police officer award and was straight off killing people.
That doesn’t mean he’s going to testify against a fellow officer that he sees planting drugs on a suspect.
I work in the medical field. If anyone in my field was fucking around, like cops routinely do, they would be reported and fired faster than the rumour would spread. Our priority is the patient not my coworkers.
Cops, however, are ride or die- the public is just another tribe. ACAB because “good cops” enable every “bad cop”, it’s only a matter of time before every cop faces this challenge and every cop that does the right thing is run out of the department for being a “troublemaker”.
Wouldn’t be a friend.
With things like cops, you have to remember that if no one with morals goes into it, it’ll keep getting worse.
I have a lot of family that are in some kind of law enforcement, and a couple friends from college that went into it as well.
If you cut them off because they’re cops, then the only people who associate with them are assholes and it concentrates.
Just be upfront about it.
Couple months ago I ran into a friend of a friend from college who’s a cop. The first and last things I said to him was dont be a fucking asshole. Other than that I treated him the same as if he wasn’t a cop.
If we cut that dude out of our lives, the only people he’d talk to would tell him to be more of an asshole.
Like, obviously if he’s doing shady shit, then fuck him.
I see some rather extreme responses here and I am pretty radical too but don’t let this shit replace your common sense judgement when dealing with people on personal level.
Use common sense.
Somebody just learned the dangers of broad generalizations
This is one of many problems with “ACAB” because not every cop is one way or the other.
Reality is that a functioning society needs police officers. It sounds like you hit it off with this person and they have some good qualities that you like.
How do you expect the police to change if we don’t get involved? Getting rid of the police entirely is not a solution. But getting in and making changes from the inside is a valid way to make things better.
Why are you wanting to create an echo chamber for yourself? Why don’t you expose yourself to others and other ideas that are different than yours? What’s the harm there? Are you scared you won’t be able to change his mind or that his ideas might make some sense to you?
This is one of many problems with “ACAB” because not every cop is one way or the other.
It’s a statement of what the job entails, whether the individual is a “moral” person off the clock is not relevant.
Reality is that a functioning society needs police officers.
Police are a relatively modern invention, have only been around ~200 years.
Police as in law enforcement. That’s been around a long, long, long time.
This.
I’m friends with a former Republican social media person. I don’t share his views and he’s knows that, but I can appreciate his views so that I can learn.
Sometimes the most uncomfortable perspective can help you grasp some really complicated things.
And also, you might not even know what their views on the police are.
Just get to know them. Don’t adapt their views if you don’t subscribe to them, but listen to them and maybe you can take away some stuff here and there.
I have a couple of friends in law enforcement (NYPD & state Police). They tend to be best cops around, one of them is being sent to be a trainer so he can get some bigger promotions.
You got to ask yourself and maybe them if they are a good person. All cops are bad because of what the system does to them. But who they are in spite of what that system is doing says more about who they are as a person.
Chances are they’ll have edgy jokes, but you’ve been on the Internet long enough to end up here, so I’m sure you can navigate that.
Remember conservatives hate liberal arts colleges because people who are exposed to diversity are more tolerant of it.
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Sure, ask Daryl Davis https://youtu.be/PVVFx3issHg
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Neo-nazies are the same species of human as KKK members. If what Daryl Davis did worked with KKK it should work with neo-nazies too. Or do you have a valid reason to think it wouldn’t?
I have a friend who worked at a convenience store in an area where the KKK still has a decent presence. The local grand wizard or dragon or whatever ridiculous rank he had took a liking to my friend (it should maybe be noted that my friend is practically a caricature of blond, blue-eyed whiteness.) I wouldn’t say they were friends, it was more than he was on the clock and couldn’t really afford to lose his job by telling some racist fuck to pound sand, they didn’t keep in contact outside of work, neither of them changed each other’s minds about anything (my friend is now engaged to a black woman) but they did have some fairly in depth and civil conversations about race and society and such.
I can’t say for what Mr Pointy Hat’s takeaway was from their talks, but my friend’s overall impression is that the klan guy was kind of stuck. He kind of seemed to know that the world had changed around him, and that maybe he was in the wrong and there was no place for someone like him anymore, but he was unable and/or unwilling to change himself to adapt to the new world and to different ways of thinking than he’d been brought up with, so the kkk was kind of his way of carving a safe space for himself out of the world where he knew how things worked and where he had some sort of value. And his hatred towards black people and other people different from himself wasn’t really that they should be killed or enslaved or treated poorly, but that he didn’t get why they needed to be part of the same society as him, sort of like if they could just all go off and live in their own countries he’d wish them the best in their endeavors.
I’m not saying that’s at all a good philosophy, I find it absolutely abhorrent, but it’s also more nuanced than I would have otherwise thought a klansman would be capable of.
I also won’t say that my friend necessarily had a perfect read on this guy, it could very well be that he totally took the wrong things away from what the guy said. And even if he did hit the nail on the head, with a sample size of 1, you can’t exactly extrapolate that to say that the rest of the klan or other racist shitbags feel the same way.
But I do think there can be some value in talking to some of these types of people, maybe not befriending them exactly, but building some sort of mutual understanding might help get some of them onto the right path before they end up too old and stuck in their ways like that guy.
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If you didn’t think people can change, you probably wouldn’t spend as much time arguing with people on the internet as you do. Not really much point in doing that since you’re not going to change their minds after all.
But even if you genuinely don’t think people are capable of improvement, I think it would still be worthwhile in a “know your enemy” sort of way.
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My dude, what the actual fuck are you on about?
“Know your enemy” isn’t a saying about peaceful turn-the-other-cheek, love-thy-neighbor, forgiveness bullshit
It’s about knowing how and why they fight so you know how to defeat them.
You can’t and won’t win over every individual Nazi or klansman and make them see the light, but each one you do is one less enemy on their side and one more ally on yours, and my talking to them you get a better understanding on how to beat them.
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I think you deal with it the same way you deal with someone of other political party. If you can have a reasonable argument with them and each explain your values and how you process some issues, it’s OK if they come to a different place than you.
E.g. People can feel for the homeless and come to a different % of assistance vs. job training.But, If it seems like they have an utter lack of empathy for a certain type of person, you call that out and see what happens. If they can’t acknowledge human rights and dignity, you cut them off.
ACAB but some individuals can be cool enough. Just know they could turn on you easier than others.
My landlord is a cop, but he’s also a decent guy. To me. I try to bring up liberal talking points on the sly to at least expose him to alternate opinions. He’s not against them, so that’s good.
It’s hard. I kinda have to have a mental block up against the individual’s career choice, because he’s not one of the 100% asshole / racist / fully bastard cops. I know / knew some of them too, and I won’t give them the time of day once the convo showed their true colors (which, happens within an hour or less usually).
I guess they’re comfortable showing their true colors to me over a beer because we …look the same. Gross.
But, know that if it hasn’t already happened, there’s probably some humanity left in them.
A cop AND a landlord! That guy is really going all in on being a scumbag, does he moonlight as a debt collector?
Perhaps you should get to know your friend better, instead of stereotyping him. You can either learn a little about the nuances of a law enforcement career from him, or shun him and put your head back in the sand
Yeah. Don’t be a prejudiced asshole and see your friend for who they are. Being a cop is something they do, not something they are. Don’t let hate infect you just because it’s on your own side of the line.
Being a Nazi is something people do, not something they are.
Ye, following a particular hateful political movement so strictly you approve of murder is absolutely the same as having a particular job.
Not sure if this is needed, but yes, sarcasm.
Which is the hateful political movement, being a Nazi or a cop? Cant be sure…
Nazi’s started a war to enact hate crimes, cops job is to protect people. Now I know there’s places where law enforcement isn’t as great as it is here. But that’s what it should be at least.
Hey, you know the war on drugs? The one that overwhelmingly targeted black americans?
Also worth noting that the original Nazis were a political movement, so once Hitler rose to power, every german police officer had to align with the Nazi party. Their job was ALSO to protect people, and they used that as an excuse to target people they don’t like, making up reasons for why they’re dangerous.
But more specifically, the job of a cop is to uphold the law, whether it protects people or not. And it’s up to the cops to decide where they need to uphold the law most, and to judge who broke it.
As I said “I know law enforcement isn’t as great everywhere as it is here”. Wherever you live it sounds pretty bad. But we’re talking here on lemmy.world, not lemmy.usa.
And then still, it’s never good to presume everyone in a particular group is bad. Usually, most people are nice, even when the most vocal and/or visible ones are.
Hard disagree. Being a cop offers a lot of power and a defence of the status quo, which typically draws in a lot of bastards. If anyone tries to speak out about the bastards, they’re harrassed for not being a team player. So cops are either full bastards, enablers (which makes them bastards) or harrassed until they quit.
All cops are bastards. If you’re not a bastard, you either become a bastard or stop being a cop.
I didn’t edit my comment.
Ye whatever, I’m just going to hit block and not be bothered with you again
lol cya buddy. pro tip though: after the massacre of editing and backpedaling you just put yourself through I don’t think your problem is me lmao
What was the point of the sarcasm? Did it help your argument or hurt it? I’m asking why it was included because it doesn’t seem to add anything which wasn’t already obvious, exactly like the content of the message
Bruh. Bots running crazy on this site.
… Why would you accuse a bot of being a bot? … Did you think it would get offended? Lol bruh
The irony here is killing me… For anyone who scrolled down here, the guy above me is saying that cops are NOT following a particular hateful political movement so strictly that they approve of murder. Read that again. He really doesn’t understand what he just said.
Yes the two are somewhat different, but the person still chose to become a cop. Maybe they didnt know better at the time or really wanted to be a good cop, but thats part of the persons identity.
Would you be friends with a hitman? Your comment would apply the same
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I’ve lived in mostly rural areas, so ACAB doesn’t apply nearly as much, but one of my two best friends took law classes and became one of those officers that goes door-to-door checking on people. I technically would assume it’s like a probation officer type of position, but she’s so unathletic and overall physically outside the expectations you’d place on a cop that either A) she’s not a parole officer B) they hired her simply because she can run fast or C) they hired her because she’s the last person to fulfill the ACAB stereotype on account of how unintimidating she is, and even if I were one of those ACAB types of people, I would never in a million years visualize her as fulfilling anything except the exception to the rule.
How did I react to the news? I just shrugged. If anything, it gave me some comfort that I had a cop friend which would help certain conflicts I could end up in. From a certain point of view, if you’re so scared of cops, having a cop friend could be seen as increasing your chances of having the benefit of the doubt should something happen. Wouldn’t you want to be friends with the people in power?
