I’ve been a serial monogamist since I started dating (way back in middle school), and my major relationships have been 1.5 years, 5.5 years, 2 years, and my current relationship which is 8+. My “ones that got away” were actually people that I wish I had messed around with in a no-strings-attached sort of way when I happened to be single. Problem is that I was never single for very long. Should’ve seen that as a personal red flag at the time, but I lacked the maturity and clarity.
Anyways, it’s not like an active desire I have. I’m really lucky - I’m married to a great guy, and I truly believe I’ve chosen an excellent life partner. Certainly the best fit for me from all the guys I’ve met. Just sometimes I wish I hadn’t taken love and sex so seriously when I was younger, and tried to have more fun.
If any young person is reading this, get it out of your system! Anybody that’s gonna judge you isn’t worth your time. Just be smart and safe about it, but you’ve got your whole adult life to be serious.
Maybe it’s how I’m wired (I’m demi) or because I did get it out of my system, but I find the sentiment confusing. I know of several friends who’ve had way more partners and hookups than me, but they still seem to feel unsatisfied. Like they regret not doing even more.
Maybe there is a magic number that one can hit that leads to a satisfying sexual history, but from the outside it looks to me like a type of dysphoria - that is, of the people I’m thinking of, I don’t believe they’ll ever feel complete.
Married 20 years and also a serial monogamist and this is great advice IMO.
I don’t have a “one that got away” either and I’m madly in love with my wife but yeah… I definitely could have had more fun. Get out there.
Who knows. I let her get away despite us being pretty close friends. I think about her, I regret ditching her, but then I remember that not ditching her would mean I’d have to explain why I changed my name and I’d rather suck off a polar bear. Cis name changes are worse than genocide.
As a guy who just changed his name: this last sentence just is unnecessary.
Either you cut all the ties you’ve ever had or everyone you know isn’t so vehemently transphobic that a CIS person who changed their name is more offensive than committing a hundred 9/11s in every country, AND the trans people you know don’t assume you just want to be oppressed and changed your name for attention. Changing my name meant cutting all ties.
dude, calm down. maybe it’s you? I changed my name while staying in the same job. 400 people had to learn my new name. i work in a school, so i told all the kids and the teachers. i go to a dance party every week, i’ve known the people there for years. one day i was like “hey this is my name now”. i didn’t cut ties with a single person and nobody has ever attacked me. maybe you’re just a terrible person?
Changing from a “black name” to a common American name is controversial. You’re supposed to be proud of the African equivalent to Renesmeeigh. Everyone thinks it’s “pretty” and “righteous” and “meaningful” and I just have self hatred. I actually grew to love myself after getting rid of that ugly crap.
You’re right, I am terrible for not wanting a slavery tradition as my name. I refuse to live as a victim of suffering I’ve never endured. I was not a slave or a child of a slave. I’m American as fuck, give me an American name.
I never said that. You know that your comment is in bad faith. If you don’t tell people your old name then they cannot have any comments about it
The community that is assigned to me is incredibly bigoted. Anti LGBT, antisemitic, Islamophobic, racist, xenophobic, ableist, you name it, it’s turned up to 11 in there.
On the outside we’re made to look so welcoming to our “brothers and sisters” but in reality it’s a war zone.
THEY treat cis name changes like it’s worse than genocide, and once again I’ve normalized something no one else experiences. God I wish I was white
You really don’t have to explain anything. “This suits me better” is a perfectly valid reason to change a name, if you do feel like you have to give a reason
Asking a cop how to take the safety off a gun so I can commit a mass shooting is easier and will result in a better outcome
Bit melodramatic, no?
You can only have either a cis name change or all the people in your life, not both.
I haven’t lost anyone, maybe you’re just assuming.
but then I remember that not ditching her would mean I’d have to explain why I changed my name and I’d rather suck off a polar bear. Cis name changes are worse than genocide.
“Why did you change your name?”
“Personal reasons is rather not discuss, but just know that this name makes me happy”
Proceeds to engage in genocideWhat world do you live in where it’s that easy? If I’m not married or transgender then I might as well have dropped those bombs in Japan. I had friends who genuinely liked me but would not have respected my name change. Even simply having a preferred name in high school was horrible, they’d rather struggle with with stupid tragedeigh grossness that family’s mother stuck on me.
Last I know, she’s living a successful life doing what she wanted to do. Good for her.
I honestly don’t know much. She got away. All I know is she’s part of a swing dance club in a distant town, from which I can conclude she isn’t dead. So that’s nice.
They all got away. I don’t know how any of them turned out; because I disappeared and became lost.
Hah, relatable
I dunno, she never had social media at the time and apparently still doesn’t.
I’m in my 50’s. I have had 3 that got away (2+ years living together). I get along with them famously. They are doing good-great, probably because we never got to life-partner stage. I’m not perfect by any means, so our non-matching characteristics, and my inability then to understand mutual acceptance then would have probably soured things long-term. Great memories and lived experiences. Nobody can take that from us.
My ex wife and mother of kids and I had 8 great years. 4 OK, and 4 crap years. We can barely communicate now.
She was a he when I wanted him. Came out as transgender a few years after.
Cool gal, tho.
There’s more than one. I saw one of them lately, she’s doing good. We talked and hugged. That felt good, a little closure.
Mostly I don’t know since I am so bad with people and they stay the fuck away from me which, good for them.
There’s some I really grieve for. The things I couldn’t do. The things I was too bad at.
I hope all of them are better than I am.
I got her back. She’s currently about 1m to my right.
… So she didn’t get away?
Kind of. For a while she did. I moved abroad, and we both concluded that chapter to be over. A couple of years down the road I was visiting the old country (passportrenewal, iirc), and I happened to run into her the day before I was supposed to fly home. But then this volcano erupted, grounding all flights in Northern Europe for a while, and during this extra time we ended up picking up the thread where we left it.
People always talk about looking for the silver linings, and here you are finding love in part because of a major disaster. Good for you!
there was this one girl I knew that we both kinda bonded over being outcasts, among other things. I didn’t do anything cause I had untreated clinical anxiety and adhd, but that’s unrelated. Anyway she stopped going to my school and there was also a girl in my neighborhood who got kidnapped, and I don’t think those events involved the same girl, but rumor around the school was that it was, while I thought it was someone else. At this point, I don’t even know if there’s a way to answer that question
What? The second half of this makes no sense.
It’s like he was having a stroke while typing that up.
The girl stopped going to the school at the same time someone was kidnapped in his neighborhood. The rumor was that it was that same girl, but he doesn’t believe it. It’s not that confusing.
I’ve had maybe 6 people that got away who I could have had a better relationship with than most of the ones I already have had.
Thankfully one of them is still a good friend of mine, we just mesh well in behavior and understanding eachother. Unfortunately, it was a case of her being too reluctant to have taken a chance with me when I broke up with one of my exes some 14 or so years ago. Since then, she’s been with someone new and while it’s been going well. But we’ve talked at times about how we could’ve been if we were theoretically together.
And nothing feels worse than not only knowing you could’ve had them if they just spoke up, but knowing all this time later and not having a crack of a shot to try. It just sucks.
No idea and I want to keep it that way.
The one that got away is currently posting this comment.
I saw her crossing the street (not at a crosswalk). Beautiful, confident, zero fucks given, I was immediately in love. I debated pulling over and seeing if I could go back and find her, but it happened too fast and there was no good road to turn onto. Oh well, even though she didn’t have a collar, she probably already had a home…
had me in the first half…
