So I used to run a successful construction business but last year an accident happened during an assignment & not only did the business go bankrupt but also went into huge debt from all the legal stuff I had to pay off. Sold house, sold cars, sold everything valuable. Now I have a day job which doesn’t pay super well. I have a son and I feel like I’m letting him down, even though he’d never admit it; on the contrary, he always comforts me & tells me he’s happy with what we have. I basically cut off all of my personal expenses to spend the money on him. I feel so bad everyday.
You basically have to change how you calculate your worth.
You are the one who set the standards that you are failing to meet.
People with depression often fall into this trap. You set a standard you can’t possibly reach and then get upset you aren’t reaching said impossible standard.
When I get thoughts like this i try to look past my thoughts and feelings and look at the evidence.
Is your son happy? Have they done anything that leads you to believe they feel let down? Etc.
Because it sounds like the only thing making him unhappy is you being unhappy.
Kids generally just want attention and love more than anything. Things are nice but they are no substitute.
Nah, plenty of us set teeny, tiny, attainable goals and then still consistently fail to reach them for decades. It’s called being totally inept or an idiot. Unfortunately there’s no cure except switft application of lead suppositories.
Then they clearly aren’t attainable are they? You feel they should be but the evidence says they aren’t.
Touché.
I meant clearly easily attainable by others. If I start comparing myself to them, well, it’s like comparing a '97 Pinto vs a 2022 EV.
Indeed. But everyone has different levels of ability. Again mental health can drastically increase this difference.
My advice for dealing with this is using yourself as the measuring stick. Are you better than you were a year ago? Etc.
Aim to beat your personal best and that’s still good progress.
You talking about shooting a gun up your own butt?
I may also suggest keeping a notebook and writing it down to remind yourself what your priorities are.
I forgot where I saw this, but making a daily/weekly list of every little thing you are grateful of can also help you get out of that loop of feeling bad.
This here is some sage advice.