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You can talk about ideas on what to do in the bedroom or kitchen instead of the weather. My girlfriend and I talk about the nature of the universe and consciousness quite often.
The key to understanding is finishing the sentence.
“I hate small talk… with people I have no reason to talk to and don’t care about.”
I love my partner, and even when it’s small talk I can listen all day, just to hear their voice and learn a little more about them, to feel closer to the person I married in many small ways.
But I don’t care about what Jim at the laundry mat did last weekend, or which machine he thinks makes socks dry faster.
But small talk is what got you your wife. What if Jim can be your future if you just gave him the time
Drag didn’t get drag’s dragon by doing small talk. Drag’s dragon fell in love with drag because it was impressed with drag’s magic.
Get yourself a girlfriend by impressing her with your arcane talents.
Yeah, this one met its rider when it was searching for other worlds and happened upon drag performing a healing rite to a sickly dragon. How could one not love that that kind of power used for good?
I kinda want to know about the sock thing.
So you’re a small talk person
Sock drying speed is important information, not time filler like the weather or sports.
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The weather is life and death info
Most people talk about how sunny it is today and not climate change
Unless the sport is competitive sock-drying.
But I don’t care about what Jim at the laundry mat did last weekend, or which machine he thinks makes socks dry faster.
tough. :) here’s what he (might have) said: it’s the 2nd and 3rd dryers from the left. the smaller ones. you also need to use the smaller ‘double load’ front-loading washers. those have an extra extract cycle and get the most water out. the dryers used to literally only cost 25c to dry most loads (an extra quarter for all denim or something), but they (new owners of the laundry) increased the minimum needed per-load to $1.50 (on top of more than doubling the washers’ prices). greedy bastards.
Sometimes you don’t need to fill the silence with sounds. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone that we can sit down and be quiet together
Or fuck.
For most couples that takes up like 15 minutes once every 3-5 days or possibly much longer.
Longer than 15 minutes?
Longer than 3-5 days I think
I don’t know if I have the stamina to go for 3 to 5 days, let alone longer!
Or you can use literal sounds instead of words. My spouse and I have this thing going on where we make this kind of squeak/baloon sound with our mouth which has the same effect as “hi, nice to see you”.
Me and my gf usually say Ahoozles (shortened from Anyhoozles) and just a way of saying “I want to talk to you, I just don’t know what I want to talk about
We just say “you know…” and then the other person will either say “yep/same” or “no I don’t know” depending on the mood. And if the cat makes noise we’ll also just say “I know buddy me too”
Hahahaha I love hearing about other people’s microcultures
My wife and I do things in threes: three taps, three nudges, three blinks, three noises, whatever. It means “I love you”. It’s a nice way to say it when you’re too tired to say it. I think it originated when we’d say it as we were falling asleep.
Oh thank god my partner and I aren’t the only ones. Don’t get me wrong, we know and like that we’re weird, but it’s nice to have company.
A few steps away from becoming furries.
/satire
We will sit in comfortable silence together.
Actually this. One of the most meaningful relationships in my life is a woman who will sit in silence with me at the opposite end of the couch, some random nonsense on TV and we’re both just on our phones sharing memes with eachother. You don’t need to fill every moment of silence between people with words
we will make out in comfortable silence together
wet, sloppy make-out sounds
soft barking and meowing
😐 I was promised silence.
I wish I knew why small talk is important and why the example in the post is a problem. It would be helpful if someone could explain it.
If you date someone for 2+ years, at that point, you know what their opinions are on all meaningful topics. All there is left to discuss is small talk: how’s your day, did you like the TV show, etc.
Unless your both happy sitting in silence, you’ll probably drift apart.
Edit: I think the issue a lot of people here have is not small talk itself, its small talk with strangers. Asking a loved one about their day is small talk, but that doesn’t diminish its value.
I’ve been married for 7 years. I do ask my wife how her day was, but that is because I actually care. How can people do this with strangers? Is it just assumed everyone is asking everyone else how their day was even if they don’t actually care?
Tbh, I don’t know, I don’t like chatting to strangers either, but when a stranger asks how my day is, or how the weather is, I assume they don’t really care. Which means I can lie to them to wrap it up if I want. The level of care is probably proportional to the closeness? Small talk with partner == important, care a lot, small talk with neighbour == less important, less care, small talk with stranger == not important, no care?
I also care about the “how was your day” convo with my partner, but I consider it small talk as there is usually nothing critically important about it. Its not gonna result in a major financial or life decision 99% of the time.
Ehm. Yes?
I’d like to have similar interactions with my significant other to the ones I have with my cats. You know, things like siting on the couch together… saying silly things in even sillier voices… staring into each other’s eyes while blinking slowly… yelling at her to get down from the cupboard…
I’m in this picture and my SO doesn’t like it.
You need small talk to find the big talk.
Imagine going through a marriage like “how about that weather”
Lol - yeah, that would suck!
Have you seen the weather, lately?
IIIIT’S LIKE RAAAAIIIIIIIIIN ON YA WEDDING DAYYYY
IT’S A FREE RIIIDE WHEN YOU’VE ALREADY PAID
“And what is it with airline food?”
“Oh yes hurricanes every where”
Yeah, no wonder so many people get divorced…
Small talk by definition is useless drivel. I don’t build relationships on that…
Imagine having a relationship based on talking about the weather today. I talk about things I enjoy talking about. If I don’t have anything to say then quiet is peaceful. 😊
When family/friends asks you how you are doing but don’t listen to the answer that really sucks. Or they hear what they expect and make a comment that clearly means they weren’t listening. Personally I found that too much of small talk is someone saying or asking something with no intention of listening. Maybe they think they are being polite or some social obligations to talk but I hate it. If I ask “How you doing?” “How’s work?” I’m going to listen to your answer. If I make a comment about the weather and you comment back I will listen.
If you can question free will, you have free will.
Or were you predestined to question it?
Yes, I’m aware of how people like to take science and jump to conclusions that kinda sound like they fit with the science, but they do not actually. This is called pseudoscience
I’m not arguing for either determinism or non-deterministism here, but let me ask you this:
If every action has a cause, and every action has a subsequent reaction, and all these chains of events follow predictable rules, what is the factor of “randomness” that allows for free will to exist?
Genuinely curious to hear your opinion seeing your stance on this is very strong.
Just adding to this: any modern arguments using the probabilistic nature of quantum phenomena to fight determinism are wrong. Einstein made a theory called ‘hidden variable theory’ saying there were causes we couldn’t see (duh). A guy named Bell ‘proved it wrong’ by arguing against something einstein said in it about data being in multiple places simultaneously. Had nothing to do with whether hidden variables exist. But the headlines were ‘hidden variable theory proved wrong’ implying to the public that there are somehow no causes of things below a certain level and that an illogical foundation of ‘probability’ somehow underlies everything. Einstein once said it was silly to think an electron is in an undetermined state until measured when he can see it’s path in a cloud chamber. It clearly is a thing constantly existing.
With the errors of the foundational days of quantum physics out of the way, how can one argue against a thought or action having causes preceding it? Even if we are in woowoo land where everyone is spirits with minds existing separately in different worlds, there are still variables determining what those minds think. Only seeming alternative explanation so far is the faulty quantum probability field… which is wrong.
Bell did prove mathematically that a local hidden variables theory is unable to explain observed quantum mechanics. This doesn’t rule out nonlocal hidden variable theories, but a) that is called superdeterminism, and b) that would mean that there would be faster-than-light interactions, and that is in many ways weirder.
I disagree. “Einstein once said it was silly to think an electron is in an undetermined state until measured when he can see it’s path in a cloud chamber.” I am definitely of the einstein view and not the mainstream quantum scientist view. According to me, things, like einstein’s electron DO have actual states when not ‘observed’ and do not need to ‘be observed and collapse in to a form at that time’. At every point in it’s path thru that cloud chamber the electron has it’s form WHICH IS SUPEROBVIOUS TO SEE even tho the quantum math has no idea what to do about it and is like ‘no does not fit in the math thus cannot exist’. In reality, the electron does not need to be measured to have it’s form. Same with the ‘entangled’ particles Bell uses. Just because it is measured later does not mean it did not have it’s form while not measured ~which is common sense to me and blows up Bell’s Theorem before even having to reach to exotic theories. Weird to me stuff like that is not common sense. But I personally think quantum physics went wrong waaaaaay at the start and is riddled with exotic theories based on good data but faulty definitions and conclusions (such as the doubleslit experiment being touted as ‘a single photon being let thru’ when it’s a guy shining a very dim light for a month and taking a slow exposure pic. Shining light for 1 month = 1 Photon. Does not match common sense. Throws off future work. But is definitionwise accurate as quanta is ‘a level of energy’). So meh. Disagree. Nice you know your stuff tho.
“You do not mention the path of the electron at all, Heisenberg. But yet when you look in a cloud chamber the electron’s track can be observed quite directly.” “Don’t you think that it’s strange to say that there is a path for the electron in the cloud chamber, but there is no path for the electron in the atom?” ~Einstein
Yeah weird it would then be pure probability with no causes when it’s inside the atom because that’s what matches the mathematical framework of Quantum Physics while when it’s in a cloud chamber ITS EXACT LOCATION AS A DISTINCT OBJECT IS CLEARLY VISIBLE. So yeah I’m with reality instead of that mathematical framework and don’t see any issue with the same concept of ‘having a form’ applying to entanglement ~which 100% blows up Bell’s theorem before it gets to multilocation.
Bell’s Theorem —> 💥
Possibility of Hidden Variables —> 👍
Well first off we are seeing more and more that there are quantum effects in the brain, and we don’t know what they all do or what role if any they play in conciousness… We just know quantum shit is random and hard to predict while only really affecting things on the smallest possible levels. Second some elements are hard to predict because two things are equally probable.
Like if I go to get Ice Cream and I really like strawberry, but they’re out and I can only choose Vanilla or Chocolate, then it’s a 50/50 and the only thing that decides which I choose is my own decision.
Some things simply cannot be measured.
How do you record a dream? How do you measure someone’s luck?
why?
I’m a naturalistic determinist, I literally can’t not question free will
