At what step do you struggle the most?
I’m what’s called demisexual. Essentially I am mostly aroace unless I have a certain kind of emotional bond. That can happen pretty quickly, but it can also take years depending on the circumstances.
Unfortunately that doesn’t work well in today’s society that’s focused on instant gratification.
Like, if you aren’t all over someone within x hours somehow that’s considered to be a rejection. And if you ever show any interest in getting to know someone they immediately assume you want to bang them that evening.
Please!
Dating apps suck now. Thankfully, I met the right person and got rid of them.
Before smartphones, when comms on apps were more like emails, I had much better openings. I can’t be funny or interesting in a few sentences.
Better to have loved and gotten rid of, than never to have loved at all.
I think he meant getting rid of dating apps, not the partner
Nobody can. You get judged on your photos and the decision is already made before you type a single word. The conversation is just to find excuses to ghost
Meeting people as crazy and wacky as I am outside of online spaces. Yay, someone from Australia likes me!
I find meeting people at all to be the biggest hurdle.
Yeah, I pretty much only meet people from connections anymore. I don’t remember the last time I actually met someone because I went out of my way to talk to them. It sucks.
Talking without making myself look stupid
Nah, just drop the feeling stupid part. The night I met my wife I had just one drink too many so I had turned off my ability to think I was stupid - and I ended up talking about Lord of the Rings lore. Which she loved. If I had listened to that part of myself I would have held back and thought it was stupid, and my entire life would have gone differently.
Now I want to hear about The Lord of the Rings lore
Poor, unemployed and depressed. Also because conservative society.
Honestly, social media… Facebook is just absolutely full of bullshit meme’s for every type of occasion, and clicking on a single one sends people down that rabbithole. Eg… Say a person has a breakup with a person who exhibits some narcissistic traits and then relates to a meme about it and clicks on it (or pause too long), next minute the feed is full of gender hating memes, groups and pages to feed that part of the brain, and I think it is incredibly unhealthy. It just seemed a lot easier to meet people before heads were filled with social media influence
oh my god reddit was the worst with this. “Oh my god he had a beer after work? He’s an alcoholic, you can do so much better, DUMP HIM. RED FLAG GET OUT”
I have trouble wanting to invest all that energy to effectively reduce my own autonomy in the end.
this hits home.
I currently hate my body and don’t feel comfortable dating until I like it again, as dating involves finding others who like your body (and other things about you, but still)
I’m sure there are people who would want to date me in my current body as well as my future (hopefully improved) body, but I just can’t summon any confidence while I feel like this.
Obviously there’s some mental health problems I need to work on too. I’m fortunate to have decent psychiatric care at this stage in my life and am slowly progressing in that area, and trying my damnedest to ramp up body improvement efforts.
I went to the gym today, at least. :)
What helped me with that was “there’s a fetish for everything” which ended up correct, but I fucked up later.
Proud of you for hitting the gym 💪 or as a snowman ⛄️ would say: time to turn these sticks into logs 🥢🔜 🪵
I feel this.
I don’t have any love for myself, let alone spare any for someone else.
My wife.
You can date your wife
And should!
Not being completely turned off dating in general by past experiences…
Geographical isolation.
Biggest hurdle? My husband.
Joking! Really, I never dated when young, just hung out in groups, right? And there would be hookups and then eventually that leads to some relationships. So I never got the hang of the one-on-one dates.
Even after my big breakup with my ex, didn’t really date because while I intended to, my now husband had other ideas, he had been dating for some years and said he knew when we met what he wanted so it got serious pretty fast.
But as you say it’s hard to meet people - I understand that, I don’t know how young people find people if they aren’t running around in packs like we used to. That network of people who know you, and also know other people, and might introduce you if they think you’d like each other. Dating apps are more like job searching.
Face. After that maybe personality
My dick is too big, I make too much money but I am only 6 foot 2
Probably meeting people. I’m not a very outgoing person and when I do go out my hobbies tend to be 100% males. I also don’t use social media or dating apps. I have friends and relationships and I have no idea how I got them.
Its annoying because I feel like I have no agency I can’t just go meet people when I want to. I have to live my life and trust that I will eventually meet someone which has held true so far.
It’s a numbers game. Go to events where you are temporarily exposed to manageably sized batches of new people. One-time workshops and volunteering are great for this.
