A tank full of sharks and gloves that dispense a sticky concentrated chum mixture with each hit. Get a couple good body blows in, knock them into the water, let nature (+/-) take its course.
This is why I have cannons loaded with grapeshot in every room of my house. Never know when I’ll need to remove a thief from existence.
Balls that orbit around you (think magneto of x-men)
a finger on the monkeys paw curls
Im steering clear
Something that makes me disappear instantly and teleports me to the pub down the street. Cold beer is better than hot fight.
What if it’s a bar fight
DMT clouds making them connect to the universe and lay down 4 minutes
Fentanyl dart gun
A small knife? A hand-held stabby thingy.
Probably some kind of autonomous thingy. Like, a drone with a Taser or some shit.
The best defense is avoidance. To that end, a personal time-travel / prognostication device that could both predict danger and chronoport you back to before danger was imminent would be the ultimate defense, though suppose not strictly a “weapon”.
Put it in front of a group of DND players, or any other table top RPG really.
They’ll weaponize it before the session is over.
Temporary blinding LED flash weapon, stink bombs, vomiting, reciting the Captain Ahab monologue from Moby Dick where he’s telling them to split their lungs with blood and thunder and crack their oars and backs.
Captain Ahab monologue
This one’s kind of cool. What about a voice modulator that makes it seems like your voice is their own internal monologue and you can disarm them by boring them to death or confusing them.
A wand. They want to take your wallet? HOW ABOUT SOME CRUCIO YOU MOTERFUCKER!
…that’s a handheld shooty thing
Ordinary pajamas of “No, you!” That automagically protect you. Oh, some thought they would shoot you? Surprise! They get shot instead.
Lol
Self defense is a fantasy of control. If you want to eliminate threats to yourself rationally, eat more vegetables, take care of your mental health, and drive carefully.
I was more or less trying not to refer to weapons of mass destruction. Not implying self defense is virtuous.
Ah yes the infallible recipe to never be physically assaulted
the statistical recipe to lengthen your lifespan
Now that’s more accurate
Laser eyes.
Now you can just look at something you want to destroy without using your arms.
Telekinesis helmets.
Now you can just think about destroying something you can’t even see.
personal satellite with Hatsune Miku licensed voice assistant for targeting and fire control. A few lasers of different frequency, a railgun, maybe some emergency snack pods with little chutes.
Spontaneous Human Explosion guaranteeing Mutually Assured Self-Defence/Destruction.
Like 2 Kings in a Chess game, you can’t be next to each other.
