Hi friends ,
I’ve known my best friend since I was 6 years old. He’s always been very, very successful. I’ve always looked up to him, and still do.
A couple of years ago, I confronted him about Elon. I was very concerned. Elon was becoming something I could no longer support. My friend said that he would support Tesla through thick and thin, and here we are today.
He’s made a lot of money off of Elon and I’m happy for him, but I am very concerned that I should not be supporting someone that’s making a living off of someone that possibly is a Nazi. I’m considering ending my friendship. I want to do the right thing. I care about you. I care about us, and I’m very scared for our future.
I’m asking you for advice on whether or not I should give up on my best friend. We’ve been friends for almost 40 years, and I love him dearly. I’m crying right now making these statements. Should I still seek his support?
I am just so angry. My world is becoming so hostile, and I don’t know if I should separate myself from the negative influences around me. What do you guys think?
Have you tried talking to him about your feelings?
If you define people who see things differently than you as negative, then your world will only get increasingly hostile.
My advice is to spend time with people who are chill. Pay attention to which of your friends spend their time expressing hostility, which of your friends tend to define themselves by whom they hate, which of your friends spends time talking about who should be hated, who’s worthy of hate, etc. Then cut out those friends.
I mean, if you want “the world” to seem less hostile, that’s your best bet. Cut the most hostile people out of your life.
And if you aren’t sure who’s the most hostile, just spend some time noticing what people do, where they put their focus, how they choose to use their heart day to day. Hostility is an emotion, a stance, an energy, a vibe.
Therefore the way to reduce the hostility of “the world” (as you experience it) starts with regular vibe checks: “Is this person promoting hostility right now?”
This is great advice for anyone tbh.
When you said he was very very successful that’s when I knew he was a Nazi sympathizer.
What do you even mean by this?
lmao leftists are so transparent oh my god 🤣
I’ve lost a few friends who were sucked into this muck over the decades. It hurts but at the end of the day you have to act by your ethics. If they support and uphold racism, fascism etc you are better off severing the relationship. Maybe he’ll learn, but probably not. I’m sorry that it is happening to you. ✌️
You could try a litmus test with your friend, based on the criteria you personally have for a friendship breakage.
For me, with my (now ex-)friend, it was a simple question: “Can you not see that Trump is a malignant narcissist who will—like at the end of his first term—not cede power at the end of his second?”
My (ex-)friend refused to render a judgment, so my response followed: “That cements it. I no longer have respect for your judgment of character. For you to support this transparent a wannabe dictator makes it clear you lack the basic moral fiber I expect in a friend. I’m sorry, but I no longer can call you someone I want to associate with, let alone a friend. I’m a truly, deeply disappointed in you, and will no longer tolerate your companionship. I have to draw the line somewhere. I tolerated your choice of husband, I tolerated your choice of political party, and I tolerated your first vote for Trump based on the idea that you didn’t understand the person you were voting for. No longer. You have had plenty of time to see the true character of the disturbingly mentally disordered candidate you voted for in 2016 and yet you still support him in 2024. I have such a low opinion on of you at this point that I can’t stomach keeping your company, even civilly.
Goodbye.”
Her response: a “HaHa” reaction to my comment.
We haven’t spoken since.
I’m curious. If Trump cedes power at the end of his second term are you gonna reach out and try to patch things up with your friend?
I have a hard time seeing how that’s something to “see” since it’s in the future. But you made a life-altering decision based on someone else refusing to “see” that.
Do you have a plan for what to do if it turns out you were seeing something that wasn’t there?
“The CEO of your mega corp is a Nazi, you should leave the job you like to not support him.”
Jobs are hard to come by and I doubt he directly works with Elon. He should absolutely get himself out of that situation if he can but that’s always easier said than done.
Also its not like Teslas mission is ethnic cleansing, its to get everyone driving their electric cars. Would I buy one knowing it supports Elon? Hell no. If I already had a job at Tesla would I leave? Probably not. But at the end of the day its a mega corp and my options are limited.
A lot of fascism and authoritarianism comes from loneliness or a lack of community. Cutting him off could mean he seeks more community with Nazis. Be clear about your beliefs, keep calling him out when he’s wrong, but try to stay his friend. That’s different than “supporting” his beliefs. Take care of him when he’s sick, but don’t drive him to the Nazi rally. Your friendship might make a difference on his journey back to healthy beliefs.
Also, really sorry your friend is dealing with this right now, I know it must suck to see this happen to him. It’s not necessarily the final story though.
Couldn’t have said it better.
I’d say this is good advice. Similar to what I wanted to say but I wasn’t sure how to word it.
I’d say it’s important to clearly differentiate between values and beliefs. What you’re referring to as beliefs I think might be what I’m referring to as values?
Things like “Nobody should starve to death” is often called a “belief” but I see that as a value.
OP should get really, really clear on what his or her values are. Then, find that same clarity with their friend.
If the two friends have the same values but different beliefs, friendship can work.
If they actually have different values, at best they can be trading partners or allies. Friendship requires (among other things) shared values.
A difference in beliefs — beliefs meaning things like “I think covid wasn’t real”, or “I think vaccines cause autism”, or “I think lower taxes can make an economy prosper” — can be addressed through the inspection and sharing of evidence.
That is a very profound point you’ve just made - it made me think.
While I think you’re 99% correct, I think there is a serious counterpoint to:
A difference in beliefs … can be addressed through the inspection and sharing of evidence
This can only be true if both hold values that make logic/reason matter more than emotion or nihilism/postmodernism.
Some people have fallen into the trap of emotionally rejecting other people’s arguments and denying what are self-evident facts (if you accept realism is basically true). By denying a shared reality, it is near impossible to jointly reason in the space of beliefs about reality.
Sadly this is important because the right has spent about 40 years denying basic truths (like trickle-down economics doesn’t work and children dressed as cats have litter-boxes in liberal schools). In the last 10 years or so they have developed a complete alternate reality on the Internet, and the single most important facts in this reality are that mainstream media is lying, there is a giant conspiracy controlling the governments and science and that the best way to find the truth is to do your own research.
A thing to think on from one of my favorite authors, and favorite characters, is sorta tangential to your predicament. Granny is talking religion with a priest about good and evil.
Granny Weatherwax: “There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”
Mightily Oats: “It’s a lot more complicated than that–”
GW: “No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”
MO: “Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes–”
GW: “But they starts with thinking about people as things…”
Is your friend a “thing”? No? Maybe he deserves a sit-down talk.
You could try just distancing yourself from him. You don’t know what the future brings. Maybe something will happen to bring him around to your way of thinking and then you haven’t burned any bridges. I mean it may come to a confrontation, but you’re there already, so no real loss.
I trade money for goods and services. Does that make me a capitalist?
No, because you don’t own the means of production.
Capitalism is a result of free markets, and not the other way around.
If you let people do as they please with their money, stuff, and time, eventually someone’s gonna hire some help and then capitalism’s happening.
But you can have people who take all the profit, ie a profiting/owning class, and that won’t necessarily lead to free trade happening.
Just my 2 cents, and echoing some of the sentiment in this thread.
IMO, if he’s buying Telsa stock, it doesn’t make your buddy a Nazi, or even a Nazi sympathizer. He’s just a guy making money in a capitalist system. It is what it is, and I’m not going to blame anyone for trying to make money where they can. I have friends in the same situation, making money off Telsa, and also despising Elon as a person. I don’t hold it against them, everyone needs to find a way to support themselves. You aren’t going to sewer your own financials just to be morally superior, because that’s going to be a net loss, and it’s pissing into the wind in terms of fighting the system.
If he’s overtly supporting Elon himself, that’s a different story, but it sounds like he just is making bank off the stock, will ride it out as it’s in his best interest, and there isn’t much cause for concern.
Again, like other commenters have said, just talk to him. Make him aware you understand he likes Tesla, but ask him if he supports Elon politically/ethically. Make your decisions based off of that. A lot can be accomplished with just a casual conversation. I wouldn’t recommend talking to him with an accusatory or defensive standpoint. I would be pretty casual about it to see where he sits.
Good luck friend. It’s nasty out there.
Propaganda is more effective when coming from a friend. If he isnt being hateful or intolerable, you could try to convince him not to be a nazi sympathizer. The world always needs less nazi sympathizers
People who support nazis are also nazis
People who question the existence of robots may themselves be robots
From what I understood from you your post is that he’s not interested in Elon, but rather in the money he made with Tesla
That doesn’t sound like a bad thing, and certainly not like actively supporting Elon
Just trying to get by
Agreed. And it’s not like you’re going to find a GOOD company to invest in. But I do think that some companies are just too evil to support. And I certainly wouldn’t go talking Elon up just because I made money on the stock.
