I tried chatting on some of the recommended apps on Reddit and I can confirm that none of them work.
Which bring me to the following question: How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?
Note: Please don’t suggest looking in the real life.
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Beats the fuck out of me. This form of social media always has that trait of disposable conversations, but then again, when you’ve been alone as long as I have you tend to be crazy enough to convince yourself that your mania is just a new normal and you didn’t need anyone to start with.
Discord is the only way gang
You have to be kinda attractive, I found my wife that way, she messaged me, that’s how we met
Ah, piss. Glad I threw in the towel early.
I don’t know much about how to enter into a relationship online; I know people who have done it, but it’s never been something that I’ve been interested in. However, many of my strongest friendships were made online.
The trick to making friends online is to not set out with the intention of making friends. It’s paradoxical, I know. What you should do is just find something that you’re interested in, find places online you can talk about them, and try talking about them. Personally I like math, so I met some friends on internet math chatrooms and forums. I like Star Wars, and I made some good friends through talking about Star Wars online.
Many such places also have a casual conversation place attached. In niche communities where you (a) are already engaging with people with a common interest and (b) there’s few enough people that you will see names and faces regularly, but enough people that the conversation never dies down, eventually you’ll become a known quantity and make friends.
Probably the best answer here. I’ve seen a 10+ year relationship start on World of Warcraft, so anything is possible.
My wife and I met on Craigslist of all things. I read something she wrote, popped her a note, she wrote back, one thing led to another and here we are married for 14 years now…
Apps can definitely work. I met my wife on Tinder, and i know two friends of mine who used Bumble specifically to find friends after moving to a new city, which worked and they now have an active friend group there.
I met my girlfriend on two different apps actually. The first time it died out but we still thought about each other. So when we found each other 2 years later we decided to try again. The thing that worked for us was to call each other, when we did that we were stuck
I’m in the divorce process and in many ways I’m terrified of reaching the point where I am past the grief and feeling a need to fill that void.
We met over ten years ago because I posted a personals ad on a local r4r titled “Creepy guy seeks woman way out of his league”. Everything seems 5000x more gamified now.
I’m somewhat awkward, so I’m a lot more comfortable putting off phone or video for a few days. With that said, I really want to avoid the shame and frustration that comes with taking a full hour to realize I’ve been treating a chatbot like a real human being.
I can confirm that apps work. Half of my relationships as an adult are from online dating.
What are the other half from?
Shared experiences help with longer term relationships. I regret I’m not focusing on the finding part but more of identifying how to hold onto it. I think the shared experiences matter more than how you find the people.
I’ve done this specifically by playing a video game, joining a clan, and joining the discord. I focused on who I clicked with most and spent time with them. I also think making some effort to meet IRL helps after a while. Having a game or a hobby in common isn’t really enough because it can be very thin. If you don’t care about any IRL things then force other shared experiences that are tangential to what brought you together. That helps me too.
You can confirm none of them work? They can work. Sometimes you have to give it time. I met my wife on tinder. The thing is it takes a while. I didn’t meet the love of my life on there after a single day or week. I was on the app for a couple years. It’s hit or miss and takes learning.
Yup, I had the same thought. I met my partner of 5 years on okcupid, but it also took me years of messages/dates/flings before we found each other. Dating and finding a good match is complicated and so much of it is purely a numbers game. Online dating apps are just a vehicle to expose you to more/different people. They aren’t some binary that either does or does not work.
Having reached my 40s, I’ve kind of given up on this sadly. With my work schedule and what it takes out of me, I’ve realized that I’m not that great of a friend anyhow. I can be flaky honestly. But there’s a hole inside of me that I’ve always wanted to fill with a friend, a real connection beyond typical friendship. I’m leaving that hole open but I’ve learned to avoid looking at it. Hope you find your friend.
Too relatable, sadly. I’m here if you want to talk.
Preaching the end of the world - Chris Cornell
Edit: probably should explain that i was listening to this song when i read your comment and the one up from yours
RIP Chris.
Facebook Dating has ironically been miles beyond other sites imo. It’s completely free and the algorithm works very well. There’s also a section for finding friends if dates aren’t your thing.
As much as I don’t like Facebook, I was thinking to mention it. Yahoo locals chat used to be excellent for me. I’d just mock the other guys in the singles chat, and had a profile pic available. -Be nice to find something like that again.
I believe Facebook Dating is dead.
Hope you’re into necrophelia then
I’m the sergeant-at-arms of the Scranton New Jersey insect club. We’re looking for a new treasurer. If you like creepy crawlies and are good with counting pocket change, give us a call.
Ignore this idiot that’s shitting on you for this comment. Some people can’t help being dickheads if they see an opening.
Searching for friends online isn’t going to fix the fact that you’re a nihilistic sad-sack whose interactions with people are always fundamentally unpleasant. Nobody wants to hang around someone who only says sad shit and no-one wants to be asked for advice then have their ideas shit on. That’s why so many depressed people turn into comedians, if you’re gonna say awful shit you at least need to wrap that turd up in some party paper and put a bow on top.
This isn’t even me telling you not to look online; that’s actually completely fine. It just won’t actually fix the problem because your problem isn’t the format, it’s your attitude. This is blunt as shit but I worry if I state it less than completely explicitly you’ll gloss over it, and I wouldn’t say it at all if I didn’t think it was something you could change about yourself.
Are you coming undone like this because they said “facebook dating is dead”?
What did they say that made you feel you need to try to dismiss/delegitamize them?
The fact that they were doing exactly what you’re accusing me of to somebody making a mild comment like “facebook dating is dead”. What the hell is wrong with people? Feeling the need to cyberbully and denegrate someone for that little comment is psychopathic.
This is beyond true. It’s the mindset you bring to the table op. Don’t try to be something you’re not out something like that but you will have to try to be the version of yourself people want to talk to hang out with and be with. I know it’s not always sustainable but it’s much more important in the beginning.
I can confirm that it’s not dead in my city in the US as of today
How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?
In my experience, this is rare. Most people who meet others online started as friends with some common interest. I met my wife like this. It was never with the intention of a long term relationship, we were just friends online. We knew each other as friends for 2 years before getting together.
I would recommend DnD (or other games) as others have suggested too.
Also this is kind of random and I have no idea if it is a good idea, but maybe try https://duolicious.app/ - I saw it randomly the other day and your post reminded me of it.
Find a game and join a clan! Doesn’t matter the type of game either. I’ve made lots of friends who all play Beat Saber. We get together (online) to play for a few hours every Sunday.
We have a blast discussing the endless statistics of BeatLeader, share jokes/memes, etc on Discord all day every day (haha). It’s a lot of fun.
