1999 - Taco Bell nachos did me in, never ate there or at any Taco Bell ever again.

2004 - Some sushi joint outside of Tacoma, WA, I had the shrimp tempura. Nothing tasted off, but that was my first experience with it coming out of both ends at the same time.

2005 - I was an idiot that thought, for God knows what reason, that the floor of the trailer I called home at the time while stationed in Iraq would remain cold enough to keep a can of Fritos dip cool after I opened it (we did not have a fridge). I was very very wrong and paid the price later the following evening after finishing the dip that day, and that was my second experience with it coming out both ends at the same time. I know it was my own fault, but I still can’t eat those dips to this day.

Fast forward to 2020 - 2023, something is making me randomly ill on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis. I eat a regular meal, 30 minutes later I’m in the bathroom with horrible cramps and shits. It took me nearly 3 years to figure out that I’d become lactose intolerant due to age (this is apparently a common occurrence as you get older). Haven’t had any issues now that I know to avoid most dairy, but I can immediately tell if I’ve unknowingly ingested some, because it feels like I’ve been poisoned 15 minutes into consuming it. Then comes the frantic race to swallow as much Lactaid and lactase pills as I can to calm the storm before it can reach my intestines.

This was really on me, but I once ate yogurt that was well past its expiration date and ended up with hives everywhere.

We had just moved from Portland to Denver, and were trying new restaurants. One Sunday we ordered delivery from a local Chinese place that had good reviews. Food came, we ate and all was good for a couple of hours.

Then my wife said "I think I’m gonna puke* and dashed for the bathroom. Being the good husband, I followed her to hold her hair while she worshipped the porcelain god.

She had barely got done emptying the content of her stomach, when I literally had to shove her out of the way to emoty mine.

We were both miserable for about 36 hours.

I was in Jamaica and my friend and I bought mangoes from a Rasta. We went down to the beach to eat them but I saved some for the next morning. Unfortunately I forgot to put them in the fridge and they sat out over night. Dumb me didn’t realize at the time and I ate them for breakfast. Everything was fine up until this point but thing was I was flying back home in a few hours. Right before I got on my first flight it hit me. I managed to be calm and hold it but it was rough. Landing back in the states and waiting to go through customs was awful and once I got through I let it all free. I was in so much pain and discomfort waiting for the next flight and once we got on there were plane troubles and we had to get off and walk across the airport to our new gate. I had to use the bathroom every 20 minutes between this, had bad cramps and nausea. Luckily I was able to sleep through my next flight because I was so exhausted after all that. I’ve had some bugs before but this was the worse. All from my favorite fruit too.

My wife, probably the year before last, got a fancy home made from scratch cake for her birthday from her fancy pastry chef friend. Well, she loved the thing so much she’d bring it out for dessert every night, the whole thing, and nibble on small bites until she had enough and put it back in the fridge. Savoring each night and bite. Well, she should have taken a small cut from it each night, leaving the remainder in the fridge, and nibbled on that. Anyway, live and learn. By the end of the week she finished off the cake… and got thoroughly sick over the weekend.

I couldn’t help but laugh a little at the absurdity of the situation, but I felt so bad for her. It was an amazing cake, but yeah. If you’re going to savor something like that, please cut a portion out each night instead of taking it out and putting it back after about 30-45 minutes nightly.

I’ve gone to the ER twice due to a stomach virus caused by a bad deli sandwich, about 100 miles apart. I only wish that on my enemies.

In high school we were hosting a marching band competition for schools a little smaller than ours. The band students helped work the whole event, so we were outside running around the football field all day.

Eventually, we got to lunch, and myself and friends ran over to Arby’s. I’ve never really enjoyed coffee in my life, but a friend convinced me to try the JaMocha Shake. “It’s so good,” they said. So anyway, after a shake and roast beef sandwiches, we go back to the football field to help out in the afternoon.

An hour or two later, something in my gut started turning sideways. I was sitting high up in the stands with friends, waiting for a band to finish their performance. Suddenly, it all came up. Roast beef and coffee shake. All over the stands…and dripping down onto who ever was unlucky enough to be below. At this field, the concessions were under the stands. Oof.

So I ended up going home, of course. But I know that a friend of mine unfortunately had to clean it up. Poor girl.

Most recently because my memory is bad? Had some ramen with leftover brisket. I had been eating it for a bit, but the brisket had just past the point of no return.

Luckily I was the only one to eat that, so me and the single toilet were not disturbed.

When I was a kid, working in a mall, there was this french fry place across from us that made AMAZING french fries, with this house made dijon sauce. Just phenmmenal.

You could buy a POUND of fries, so the other guys and me on the shift would get a pound and split it.

Except I’d get sick from eating them. Only me, the other guys were fine.

OK, process of elimination…

Fries by themselves? Fine.
Fries w/ ketchup? Fine.
Fries w/ dijon sauce? Horribly sick, puking, the whole bit.

Now, you might already know, dijon sauce is made with white wine.

Ok, maybe it’s the alcohol? I don’t drink so… let’s test the theory…

Had A beer. One. Within 30 to 45 minutes I was throwing up everything I had eaten since I was 12. Was sick for 3 days.

Turns out, my liver doesn’t have the enzymes to correctly process alcohol.

Alcohol -> Enzymes -> Acetaldehyde
I have those, Acetaldehyde is what makes you sick when you’re hung over. Cousin to formaldehyde.

Acetaldehyde -> Enzymes -> Sugar and water.
Those I’m missing. :(

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6875787/

I was making the wife and I some turkey meatballs with a little cube of mozzarella in the middle trying to be fancy. Turns out, when the mozzarella melts, and you don’t have a food thermometer, it’s REALLY hard to tell if the meatballs are done in the middle… We both spent two days being sick from both ends in a one bathroom apartment. Also had to pay $300 for the doctors note for my crappy job so they wouldn’t fire me for missing work for two days. Not my proudest cooking moment…

Kicking us off. My worst story was on the day of my wedding. The night before I was drunk with friends in town, and they had never had real seafood before. So I ordered a huge platter of everything. Including, you guessed it, oysters. Now oysters are delicious, and they are usually fine if prepared well. Unfortuately we had just been through a large heatwave, and most of the oysters had spoiled, but no one knew yet. So I slurped a good 4 or 5 of them. Next day was the wedding. I really began to notice right before the ceremony. My (now wife) sent in the best man thinking I had cold feet. He came in, we chatted, he asked if I was alright. I… explained everything and he did what any good best man would do, and laughed. I was able to rally and attend my own wedding, but didn’t enjoy too much of the food the day after.

Turns out - it was Vibrio. I spent the next few days within 30 feet of a toilet at any given time. We weren’t on our honeymoon yet thankfully, but our first few days of marriage were definitely interesting.

I don’t remember what caused it, but recovering? Don’t trust a fart while you’re recovering.

While camping my dad and I found a watermelon. Not a wild one, or anything like that. One that someone had left. We ate it. We regretted it. It was not even that great tasting of a watermelon. Plus since we were camping we brought a limited amount of toilet paper, there was a lot of dipping our bottoms in the stream.

On a backpacking trip, the better part of a day away from the trailhead. It came on so quick I didn’t have time to run behind a tree, just dropped pants and let it out in full view of my travel buddies. As embarrassing as it was, it was the right choice. I didn’t have any other pants to change in to and the distance we had to hike out would have led to far more serious health issues had I hiked in dirty pants.

I’m not sure what caused it. I was the only one who got sick. Probably a simple hygiene slip at some point. Someone didn’t clear their hands well enough before cooking, or something made it past the water filters. I’m just glad someone had immodium and everyone gave me their spare fluids and electrolytes. I can see how a person could get really dehydrated really quickly and wind up in trouble.

Went to a nearby island with my wife when we visited my hometown. It’s not exactly a tourist destination so there was like one hotel and we were the only guests. We just stayed overnight so we ordered breakfast at the hotel. I don’t even remember what it was anymore but I started feeling weird on the way back. I thought I was just seasick from the boat ride. Shortly after we arrived back on the mainland, I was alternating puking and pooping for over 2 hours.