Happy I didn’t fuck up my life and the lives of my progeny by birthing them.
Like Freedom. I love my niece and nephew and enjoy spending time with them. But if I had to feed, clothe, clean up after, provide for, and entertain them 24 hours a day (not even considering when they were babies!)… I literally cannot imagine it.
Honestly? Kinda lonely. I’ll be 40 in a few months. I’m a woman, if the perspective matters .
I was engaged to the man I thought I’d marry and have kids with, but it didn’t turn out to be the case, and although I learned how to choose better and what to look out for, I also wonder if I’m ever going to get to have a family of my own. It’s been 6 years now since that fell apart, and I had to do a lot in that time to get back onto my feet, but the few relationships I’ve had since then are fleeting. Men seem afraid of commitment now, and it’s hard not to completely fall to the idea that I’m just too old, which is what society is consistently screaming at me.
I don’t feel old.
I am tired of searching though. At some point I will get to where I’m too old and that makes me sad to think about.
Too old to have biological children, yes, but my 72 year old father has been in a new relationship for about a year and they seem super happy together.
40 isn’t too old for kids. Plenty of people have kids at that age and they’re doing just fine.
It’s just more difficult when you’re older.
Yes, that’s true, but at that age you’re financially more stable and have more patience than a 20y. We had our kids at about 30 and I think that’s probably the best age for it.
Feels like the best decision I ever made.
I’ve gone from worrying what would have happened in my children’s lifetime to worrying what will happen within my lifetime so I’m good.
How much of lifetime do you think you have left?
That sounds like a trick question.
It feels amazing.
I wake up to a quiet, clean house every day.
I am approaching 40, and I still don’t want any, but i am deeply lonely and depressed as friendships are fading out of my life due to their children and my constant movement and disinterest.
i have no plan for the end of my life. since I won’t be able to do much at that time anyway, I’m not sure that it matters. I’m willing to suffer through it and possibly kill myself if it means that im able to live my best years with the most freedom.
I relate to this 100%
I’m a similar age, and similar point in life. I like kids, but I really don’t want to have any of my own. I really enjoy being an uncle to many children, though- not related, just made it clear to my friends that I would love to keep my connection with them, and build a connection with their child.
People don’t want to impose their child on others, but if you have a genuine conversation with them about being ok with kids, you’ll get to see your friends more often, and if you’re into it, they’ll fucking live and appreciate the free babysitting.
I’m hoping that assisted suicide will be a thing, but I have come up with a contingency plan if it’s not. The worst thing I can imagine is being stuck in a nursing home and not knowing what’s going on or be unable to do things for myself.
Pardon my French but it feels fucking awesome. I’ve been able to travel the world. I have developed hobbies that I wouldn’t be able to do so with kids. I have saved a lot of money and I have been able to advance my career.
As for passing my knowledge/experience, I volunteer at various charities where I can influence young minds. I don’t believe that passing on genes down the line is the best I can do. The best I can do is to help young people achieve their goals.
Now, to address few some clichés. On my deathbed I will get the glass of water from a highly paid nurse. The “warm bed” is not the issue for me. When I go I will leave my possessions to a charity of my choice.
Mid-40s: it feels fine. It both complicates and un-complicates various things for later in life, but that’s life.
I do like kids, but never wanted my own (at least biologically; I never fully ruled out adoption). We have nieces and nephews we can spoil instead of our own, heh.
Meh depression is killing it, but I don’t think I’d be a good parent. I would probably be just fine but would rather help someone already here. Who knows.
Great, for me. For others, I imagine it will depend on factors such as having a compatible partner in agreement.
Or has ups and downs.
I always wanted kids. So it’s a constant source of regret and emptyness.
On the other hand, life is cheaper. I can do what I want when I want. I’m not wrapped in worrying about my kids all the time.
Every member of my lineage: “I will never do to my kids what my parents did to me” before doing exactly that.
Me: “I will never do to my kids what my parents did to me” fucking aced it
How old are you?
Something that only occurred to me just now is that when I was in my 20s and early 30s and still assumed I’d have children (despite that looming self imposed pressure feeling exactly like dread), the parent-child relationship I had imagined in my head was set in the past.
I grew up in the 90s and early 00s. I’m an elder millennial. I think my gen was very lucky in that we got to see and enjoy the rapid emergence of technology before today’s capitalistic enshittification but our interpersonal dynamics and everything we did didn’t rely on it either. So the ‘come home when it gets dark’ or ‘I’ll meet you at 4 at the cinema’ mentality was still strong. No social media or inability to switch off the connection to other people.
We also didn’t have the existential crises that come with thinking about climate change, the death of truth and the rise of misinformation, and the next pandemic.
So when I was picturing raising a child it was in a dated context that for the most part doesn’t exist anymore. Yes there’s exceptions to everything - I’m speaking in a very general sense - but I cannot imagine myself growing up in today’s world. I had a hard enough time back then, with similar struggles most kids have. How the fuck would I help my own child navigate it???
No thanks.
This is one of the arguments I have around the decision to not have children of my own. The world is pretty fucked, do I really want to create someone who will not only have to endure the shit to come, but also will undoubtedly add to that shit?
The counter argument, of course, is to raise the child in such a way that they make the world a better place. Ultimately, though, the problem is too many humans- why add to that?
I’m 38, wife is 40, absolutely heartbreaking. We’ve been trying for 5 years, went to the NHS for IVF, but because of the pandemic we “aged out” of multiple rounds. The one go we had didn’t result in pregnancy, and if we can’t conceive with as many rounds as we can afford private were planning to adopt. Which is pretty difficult in the UK actually.
My wife and I are 30 and we’re just doing out first round of IVF now. It’s bloody expensive in Australia we can’t really afford many rounds so it’s going to be interesting. Spending house savings on having a child was never something I thought we would be doing
Yeah, over in the UK(depending on what country) if you’re under 40 you get 2-4(?) rounds on the NHS. But due to the pandemic, and us moving to Scotland from London, my wife turned 40 before we were able to be seen. Our one round had two embryos, one botched implant because the clinic was adamant that they implant unfrozen, despite the hormones from up/down regulation for egg retrieval causing such massive inflammation for my wife that it took an hour and a half to implant(should be less than 10 minutes.) The second embryo failed before it could be implanted. So now we’re going for private in Athens. Even with last minute flights, last minute accommodation and transport costs while we’re there, it’ll be £3000-£4000 cheaper than going private here in Scotland.
And even then we’re looking at remortgaging our house to afford it. We’re by no means poor. What was it my wife called us…DINKs? Dual Income, No Kids. And we own the house we live in outright thanks to her parents buying at the right time, and her inheriting early enough to avoid any excess taxes. But we have basically no disposable income. In one hand, out the other.Anyway, I hope for all the best with you two. It’s an absolute motherfucker. If you’ll pardon my french…
Good luck to you. Try the adoption/foster-child road, bur don’t give up. My wife’s cousin tried for more than 5 years, went through several ivfs and some kind of procedure, but was considered barren at the end. But for whatever reason it then suddenly worked and they have 3 children now (they only wanted 2, but I guess they prayed too hard or something).
We’re going to try a few rounds of Private, then try for a surrogate, and then adopt/foster. We’d ideally like one of ours, but we know there’s loads of kids that need a stable home.
Prayed too hard
Maybe it’s time for me to find religion…
Off topic but you should check out a show called “Trying”. It’s quite touching
We watched a bit, it was good, but hit to close to home for the Mrs.
