Looks like my account was banned/restricted for the above interaction, have already sent the mods on world an email asking if they’d be willing to reverse that. Had an episode of psychosis a few months ago where I did say some offensive stuff, (understandably) got a 3 month ban on .lol for that, so could see my account having been flagged.
I uh, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to check others profiles to ensure we are correctly pronouning them… when making a throw away comment that is less than 10 words involving a ludicrously common saying.
Was just going to respond to the user in question to let them know I wasn’t purposefully trying to offend that individual, to discover I’m not able to post or make comments on world now, so figured I’d see what y’alls opinion on the matter is.
I never check usernames or comments. It is about the conversation at hand.
I assume sone people are sensitive of pronouns if they have transitioned or altered their pronouns, but simple catch phrases should not get you banned–if it was clearly not harrassment.
I try to be cautious of gendering and use they/them when possible, but also i feel individual people need to realize the world does not revolve around just them as an egocentric bubble, and sometime shit happens and you have to deal with your feelings about it, and either A) ask for what you need, or B) move on. Having mods protect your feelings for a perceived slight does not prepare you for the outside world of actual interaction with humans.
Again, anyone please don’t take this as condoning purposeful harassment, bullying of those not in the boomer view of gender. I grew up as a cismale that did not follow the normal idea of what a boy or man is. I was the artsy, poetry type that had mostly female friends. This caused toxic males to label me gay. Cuz gay to hang out with women, LOL.
On a funny note my as a bearded man standing at the pharmacy counter, my pharmaciat called me “Sir Or Madame” as one phrase. They clearly had just taken a course on inclusivity, or have something in them that made them respond per the exact script corporate presented. There wasn’t even a need to address me with an honorific, they could have just said Next, or I can help you now.
I’m not even interested in the username of the person I’m responding to. I tend to ignore it completely unless there’s a comment like “lol, username checks out”.
There are very few times I will bother to check someones profile. They have to either say something so awesome that I want to see more, or have given a take so hot I want to see if they’re trolling or if this is standard behaviour for them.
While it looks like the whole Jerboa/“miscommunication” thing has been sorted out here I want to chime in to say that no, I don’t think that checking profiles for anything is a reasonable expectation.
I think you shouldn’t assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don’t think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn’t check her profile which says she’s a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I’ve especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.
On the internet as a whole? Sure, you have a point.
But on Lemmy I’m fairly certain the demographic is at least 80% male in the same way there’s an over-representation of Linux users. If you assume a user is male you’re going to be right the vast majority of the time. It’s not sexism it’s statistically a reasonable guess.
This is deeply shitty. If you’re right that >80% of people on Lemmy are men (I’m not sure I buy that), then it’s even worse to assume everyone is a man. What you’re doing is chasing off the already extremely outnumbered non-men. If you want this place to be welcoming to people who aren’t men, then you need to change your behavior.
I didn’t say or imply anything about behavior. Just that merely having the assumption is not sexist. I didn’t even say people should have that assumption, just that it’s statistically reasonable which it is.
Your comment here does more to chase people away than what I said. Now I see why a lot of people block hexbear.
It’s sexist because you assume male to be the default, just like the assumption that white is the default skin color is racist. The behavior outlined by the user above you follows from this thinking. Driving non-men away is a result of this behavior, which is the result of the sexist attitude that it’s okay to assume everyone online (or on Lemmy) is a man.
The only people driven away by eir comment are misogynists.
Ok, then try your comment again. What is it that you’re saying here?
does more to chase people away than what I said
If it means you leave and take your horrible take with you, I’m all for it.
Now I see why a lot of people block hexbear.
Right right, which is why a good majority of instances have entirely defederated from hexbear.
Is it me who’s in the terrible instance that most people hate? No, no, it must be that they are all the hated people!
which is why a good majority of instances have entirely defederated from hexbear.
Being a selfish liberal with bad takes that can’t handle pushback from the left is common, yes.
Is it me who’s in the terrible instance
Lots of terrible things are very popular. Are you going to tell me that McDonald’s is the pinnacle of fine dining, too?
Yeah, it could only be selfish liberals right? Get over yourself.
Weird, all those instances are perfectly content to allow fascists on their instances. I wonder if these two things are related? No, no, better just keep posting like a redditor and never bother with introspection.
Yeah no, hexbear is simply an awful place to go which gets closer and closer to a echo chamber every day. But do keep on telling people to have some introspection without any yourself.
If that comment would chase you away, then I think that would be good for you to be chased away
Uh, yes, but its a mutual misunderstanding from both sides…
both sides
“Both sides” sophistry rhetoric was old and tired a decade ago. It’s very obvious where you stand behind that crumbling mask of enlightened centrism.
Bad bot. You don’t even understand the context of the discussion here.
I will not have you slander the comrade who finally sent
to hell to become 
.Bad bot.
Everyone You Disagree With Is A Bot/NPC, A Bedtime Story For Scratched Liberals.
You don’t even understand the context of the discussion here.
Jordan Peterson already wore out that gimmick. Find another one, bucko.
Everyone You Disagree With Is A Bot/NPC
Nah, just the accounts that come out of nowhere to post irrelevant nonsense that has nothing to do with the discussion.
Jordan Peterson already wore out that gimmick.
I don’t follow propagandists such as him, but you must be a big fan to be so familiar with him, which is entirely unsurprising to me as your entire instance appears to be 4chan users doing a poor job of cosplaying as leftists.
Lmao at the fucking audacity to post the most common drivel known to man and then call @[email protected] a bot
I could train an LLM on Reddit and have it spit out your dime-a-dozen takes after 5 minutes. I’ve got no clue where to start if I wanted a machine to spit out his wordslurries.That’s typical though, it’s always the most average NPC-types that think they’re big thinkers with big thoughts the rest of us haven’t heard before. Your type will wander into any conversation and say “heh, but what about [thing everyone knows], bet you didn’t consider that!”
and if you get any pushback it’s obviously not because people are capable of independent thought - you aren’t, and you’re so smart!In conclusion fuck your mother
I’ve got no clue where to start if I wanted a machine to spit out his wordslurries.
Thanks, I suppose.
Hahaha I tried to find a way to express your ability to create funny new phrasings, while still sticking to theme of the text (drivel, spit, etc) without being mean. Didn’t quite work sadly
just the accounts that come out of nowhere
I’ve been around for years. I existed outside of your bubble and you can’t banish me with solipsism or fantasies of being the Main Character while pretending that people you disagree with are bots/NPCs or whatever you want to fantasize about.
The fact that you so quickly dehumanize people you argue with just screams cryptofascist tendencies. You’d love to wear the armband and put “bots” in mass graves, wouldn’t you?
your entire instance appears to be 4chan users
You say this while being that mad that pronoun preferences exist somewhere that you do not approve of.
Welp, turns out I was a lib/rightist…
What should I say?
Welp, turns out I was a lib/rightist…
What should I say?
Just stop using gender specific pronouns at all. Makes things much simpler
i find this very easy on lemmy, in english. i’m usually talking to folks more than about them. if i do want to talk about someone, i’ll check their profile, or default to ‘they’ if data is lacking, but it’s a rare enough thing so as to be little burden.
This is what I try to do. This has been made slightly more difficult after “they” became a pronoun in its own right. I’ve only had one person get upset by my using “they” before knowing their preferred pronouns though, and when my intent was clarified it was fine. But like damn what other default pronoun exists? I guess this is what getting old feels like, it’s not like Iwant to be a boomer about this.
0·6 hours agoI use they/them as a default. I’ll catch myself in using them and go “wait, what is this persons pronouns” and check, on platforms like Lemmy that have it, their display name for pronouns, and if there aren’t any, then bio. If neither have any pronouns I’ll use they/them. If there are pronouns I will not use they/them unless listed.
To clarify, I’ve never had anyone online get upset with me using they/them, it’s only been in person, after hearing about my conversation with someone else from that second person. I was just left scratching my head with that one, like at least I was trying right? Ultimately though I’ve never experienced being misgendered, by accident or intentionally, so idk how it feels, idk how it feels after the thousandth time, and so I can’t really be mad about it back you know? I was just more sad that the default globally applicable pronoun wasn’t anymore, even if it usually still is.
Generally I wouldn’t take that kind of thing too seriously from hexbears they love conflict and actively seek it out
Generally I wouldn’t take that kind of thing too seriously from hexbears they love conflict and actively seek it out
Considering what you just posted here and the context of the responses you expected:
You know what, that’s fair. I am a hog for dunks and we do like to deploy the ppb
I lurk quite a bit, rarely comment or post. Have seen a lot of complaints about the Hexbearers, didn’t think they were too bad (well there are accounts on there that do seem to like to push Russian/Chinese talking points frequently + consistently). However overall the community provides some high quality content/insight.
well there are accounts on there that do seem to like to push Russian/Chinese talking points frequently + consistently
Like what, pray tell?
I’m sure 80% of them are lovely people, but the minority are so damn loud and travel in packs
Scares off libs and wreckers
Usually when I make a mistake while trying to act in good faith, I apologize. Posting about the interaction without apology and flashing names of non-mods involved is not the way to correct your mistake, nor to garner sympathy.
I did apologize to the mod I emailed. Not looking for sympathy, frankly I was more interested from a technical perspective as to why her pronouns aren’t showing on Jerboa, but they were on the browser.
Browsers will collapse white space, line breaks are converted to spaces.
Jerboa does not collapse white space, and instead rendered the display name with the line breaks. But, one possible reason is that, the area for usernames/display names can only display 1 line, so all of the pronouns got cut off.
That wasn’t your question though. If a technical jerboa question is what you intended to ask, about 90% of your post didn’t need to be included and the question in the title needed to be very different.
As to your edit, I would not recommend PM’ing the user directly; that may be very unwelcome and further breach rules of that community. Personally, I would have asked the mods for a chance to edit my comment and apologize publicly. But with previous history of your self-described “psychosis”, if I were the mod I would be skeptical of your motivations.
No, if they want to be gendered appropriately, they should have it in their username.
It is in their username, their version of Lemmy just doesn’t show it for some reason. Hexbear users have to pick a set of pronouns
I think we are/were/have sent that upstream to the main lemmy code doohickey.
my recollection is that they wouldn’t accept that one. I read through the old github discussions at one point when trying to get into contributing code. They claimed it was basically too anglo-centric and not generalizable to all languages and that therefore they’d only accept a more expansive/generic user tagging/flairing feature or something like that (which could then also be used for pronouns)
They did. OP’s client doesn’t display it. It’s pure miscommunication.
I do! And they isn’t one of them…
Besides that, I do accept that OP couldn’t see my pronouns, it isn’t their fault that I deliberately tried to fuck with my display name, and that their app then honours the newlines I put in there but then truncates it to one line.
Apologies! I couldn’t see any pronouns from the image so defaulted to gender nonspecific they. Edited.
If they don’t list their pronouns and i can’t tell by their speech i just go neutral. Checking profiles for gender is definitely not considered necessary in the circles i run in. If poster doesn’t make it clear and doesn’t have pronouns listed honest mistakes will be made and forgiven
Nah it can’t be expected
when unsure or lazy i use they/them
Rule #21 of the internet: everyone is a guy
Addition 1: every women is actually a guy
Addition 2: every kid is an 18+ guy
Addition 3: little girls are FBI Agents
What about the dogs on the Internet? I thought everyone was actually a dog.
i would block all those people and move forward with my life
I’m probably a bit further to the right than most on the fediverse with this opinion but…
I think, once you have been informed of someone’s pronouns, it’s flat out rude to not use them. I don’t know if it’s a banning issue but that’s for the moderators on your instance to decide or the instance the community is on. Even if you don’t agree with someone’s lifestyle, it’s just polite to address people the way they’d like to be addressed.
But surely there’s a difference between intentional misuse and accidental. I think banning someone for not looking up someone’s pronouns before a public interaction seems like pushing things a bit far here. I certainly am not checking such things. But, then in general when online I will use gender neutral wording because frankly, for online interactions someone’s rarely information that matters for the interaction. I don’t really need to know.
My view is, I think it is almost always clear when someone is being malicious and thus transphobic and when someone makes an honest mistake/did not know better. We, as a whole, really should be differentiating between obviously malicious and non-malicious cases.
Yaa that is similar to my viewpoint, though I am also a cis, white, blonde, blue eyed, tall, male, so my experiences/opinions are coming through the privilege lenses absolutely :| Having to deal with conversations like this all the time with “normies”, can imagine people who are deep into such social circles get tired of dealing with the acting-in-bad faith bullshitters.
I generally just use gender neutral language. I would check the person’s bio before using a phrase like that tho, especially if they have a trans flag emoji in their name
That being said, getting banned/restricted for that comment alone seems a bit extreme to me tho
