Keep your dick beaters off of me!

That doesn’t sound impossible.

The first door should have been your original meme.

When it’s a chat game, I guess titles for your character are considered content.

Probably all those fart molecules imbedded into the cushion.

I fired someone for ignoring their work, falsifying the records, and instead driving around all day in the company van playing Pokémon Go. Yes, the van has GPS. Yes, they were aware of this fact.

I should add, they had worked there for nearly 30 years, and transferred to my team. The individual had probably been shirking their duty in this way for their entire career, but the Pokémon Go thing was going on for several years at least. Their previous manager didn’t look into why someone with barely any customers was always so busy.

Solving a complex geopolitical situation involving two nations at war…in 24 hours. I wonder if he was lying?

Mow, mow Power Rangers!

I’m a basket man.

Let’s mosey.

The universe still doesn’t care what a US Senator thinks. This is mostly because the universe is a collection of everything ever and it doesn’t have a unified cohesive sentience, so maybe it’s we who should not care what the universe thinks.

In previous elections, I’d have been able to give you an answer.

For this election, the crazy will absolutely not be over once all votes are counted. This is a pivotal moment in American History and either result will cause a lot of distress for our collective psyche.

Paper straws are fine for many use cases, but man those agave compostable straws are just like plastic.

Don’t inverse kink shame. Prude shame?

Good work, that’s very close! >!OK, How Bout No? Eat Shit and Die, motherfucker.!<

As an American, what the fuck is toast bread?

That’s called Molly Maid.

OKHBNESDMFKR

Ever since a chicken killed my pet hamster, my name has been vengeance and Popeyes has been my hunting grounds.

This was less important to him than making sure only wealthy, educated, white men could vote. The unwashed masses were never intended to vote on anything federal beyond House of Representatives.