Excepting reciprocal interest in you
Non drug user/smoker
Okay here’s another one and this does not describe all of my potential dating partners, but a big amount of them.
People who have kids and declare that the kids are their whole lives; people who do not have kids, but talk about their dog like it’s their baby.
It’s wonderful to love your kids, and it’s wonderful to bond with your dog, but to define your entire being around those is so unhealthy.
Many parents whose kids are already in university, and don’t want much to do with them can often not let go. Often will spend their entire weekend fretting about their daughter or son who doesn’t even want to talk to them and won’t reply to their messages. Get on with life, lady. Get one actually.
And I love dogs, and I’ve tried to set aside and compromise on the “my dog is my baby” mentality, but it always comes down to that person being so completely disconnected from their own emotional core, you can never actually know them.
Someone who actually cares about me enough to help me with the things I suck at. Someone who would drop everything they are doing if I needed them, the way I do for everyone I care about. Someone who thinks I am sexy and wants to be physically intimate. Someone I am comfortable enough around to be myself and not mask to fit in.
What my current relationship is lacking is he’s not as available as I would like, we don’t talk about deep personal shit, and we don’t really have sex. Basically just friends that cuddle and sleep in the same bed on occasion.
Main problem is I want more, and he doesn’t know what he wants. But I’d rather keep what we have than have nothing at all. We’re not monogamous so I’ve just been thinking about maybe simply adding more people than trying to find one that ticks every box. Plus it would be fun to say shit like “My Monday and Tuesday boyfriends are hanging out with my Wednesdsy girlfriend, which is why I’m just chilling with Thursday, even though it’s Monday.”
why don’t you become better at those things yourself? why should someone else do it for you?
if you want to be better at something the only person stopping yourself is you. you might be a lot happier generally if you took charge of your life like that.
Do what? Loving myself? Fucking myself? 🤨
No, get better at the things you suck at and become a more complete person in yourself. Don’t expect someone else to ‘complete’ or ‘fix’ you.
I was never in a relationship and am very awkward in social interaction so I would probably want someone who will be patient with me and be alright with random info dumps/sharing YouTube videos about random tech and such.
Human decency. Most of my dates are souless corporate drones who are completely selfishly absorbed in chasing the dragon of materialism, while spouting spiritualistic new age buzzwords about how they value ‘experiences’ while they are spending 130% of their pay on luxury lifestyle living and are deeply unhappy and are solely looking for a male provider so they can quit their job and maintain their lifestyle.
They are often openly sexist, racist, and disgusting focused on appearances above all else. Everything is chasing brands and projecting an image of ‘success’ despite how rotten they are on the inside.
The last decent human being I met on a date was years ago. It was an immigrant woman who was a nurse who was supporting her family. She was so kind, thankful, and decent. I was not attracted to her but I meet about 35 of the above types of ladies for every decent one I meet who actually is living for someone other than personal ‘hedonism’ and needing weekly therapy to ‘survive’ the ‘difficulties’ of their sad little rich girl lives.
I want someone who shares my hatred of apple and companies in general. A fediverse user who is smart and has common sense. On top of that I would also like someone who doesn’t mind that im socially awkward and terrible at one on one conversations.
I don’t have current options.
They need to be local or willing to help me move to them.
Online relationships are nice but I wanna cuddle. 😭
scales, wings, a tail, and the ability to breath fire tbh
Would you accept fish scale?
Is puking blobs that are on fire acceptable? Without distance propulsion.
When I am talking with them, I want to feel like I am having a conversation with ChatGPT.
Even more unreasonable expectations. :(
But yes.
Creative, fun and encouraging. Emotionally mature, respectful, and commited to ongoing self improvement. Everything else is peripheral, but bonus points for writers and artists who are into pc gaming and technology.
My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don’t examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I’m pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.
I learned how to use power tools when I was seven, I’m mechanically inclined, and built my own PC at eighteen. There are an unfortunate number of men who will start a conversation with me from a place of condescension. The last date I went on, he showed me his chainsaw, I asked to try it out and what he said started with “Okay, well it can be a little scary at first because it’s loud…” Another guy told me I was cracking eggs wrong when I made breakfast. I used to be a head chef.
My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don’t examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I’m pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.
This is because the vast majority of women are actively seeking these things from men. They often want to be infantalized. FWIW it’s why most of my relationships fail, because I don’t treat women like children and they want that.
Please, show me your psych degree from the university of 4Chan.
just look around you next time you go out to a bar or other social situation. observe it for yourself.
or maybe ask yourself why is it that you are attracted to men who treat you that way?
What, lol.
My post was about how I’m not attracted to it.
You might want to stop conducting gender studies at bars.
If you’re not using one of these, you might be cracking eggs wrong.
The condescension and man-splaining thing is difficult and is definitely a trained part of a male-dominated culture/sub-culture if it is based on prejudice. The chainsaw incident might have come from a genuine place of concern and caution since power tools can be dangerous, even variants of tools somebody has experience with. I personally struggle with gauging my expectations of how familiar any random person would be with something I’m bringing up, especially if it’s something I’ve had other people confused by in the past. I usually say “Have you heard of X?” or “How familiar are you with X?” to try to avoid either scenario of my audience thinking that I’m condescending them or them being lost about a subject they know nothing about.
I know and understand where it comes from, but I don’t want to deal with it in a partner.
The chainsaw thing was absolutely because I’m a chick and representative of his overall attitude toward me that evening. Asking if I’d used a chainsaw would have been appropriate, or a quick rundown on starting/stopping would have been fine.
Basically, I ask myself if he would have said the same thing in the same way to a man. I’ve worked on enough jobsites to know that no, that doesn’t happen.
I’m gender fluid, I describe myself as 70% male, 30% female gender identity. I’m straight.
I am exhausted by women continually declaring what they want in men, but not really wanting that. I simply cannot act obsessive, possessive, or dominant. I want a woman to approach me on an equal footing. It continually shocks me how women demand toxic behavior in a dating context.
what women are emotionally attracted to is often anti-social and abusive behaviors.
and they are actively disgusted by the behaviors they claim they want in a partner. caring, kindness, emotional openless etc.
esp single women.
It’s not a battle of the sexes thing. Both men and women are often attracted to the traits they outwardly disdain.
I was like this when I started dating. Popular media and family impacted how I viewed love and relationships, so accustomed to living with controlling narcissists I didn’t understand what healthy affection looked like.
My first relationships were nightmares with similar people who reinforced those ideas. If I was approached by someone with a healthy, balanced mindset, I wouldn’t know what to do with them.
Which is not to provide a solution, but rather some insight. In a sense it’s a good thing you recognize a toxic situation before it begins, in another sense it can be lonely and frustrating, and I can commiserate from the other side
I completely agree and I can validate many women I’ve met have been in very toxic relationships, and as much as they hate them, they do not know how to function in a healthy one
women continually declaring what they want in men, but not really wanting that.
That’s something I’ve noticed sometimes as well, and I hoped that there’d be women (or even some confused men or nonbinaries) answering this post and a discussion would follow which would help both them and others understand what they’re really after.
demand toxic behavior in a dating context
This is something I’ve seen as well, but I think of it as a separate issue as the previous one. If somebody wants a sugar daddy/mommy/whatever, that’s entirely different than an actual relationship.
women who are more healthy tend to be in relationships that are stable and long term. they aren’t single going in and out of relationships. also true of men. healthy people seeking out healthy people and who have good priorities.
all my best female friends over the years married young and never divorced. they chose the right people and valued other people for the things that actually matter, not the shallow bullshit that most people chase.
a big thing is that most singletons want their partner to fix their lives for them. they are unhappy in their middle class office job and think a partner to elevate them to the luxury travel lifestyle they see on social media. That expecation is entirely unrealistic, but they don’t care about realism, so they shut themselves off from realistic partners and chase fantasies in their head or short term relationships.
in short, healthy people don’t chase romantic fantasies, unhealthy people do, an are forever unfufilled.
Depressive intellectual honesty is #1.
No children ever #2. I didn’t like children even when I was one and that never changed. My sense of morality also disagrees with procreation.
No deity beliefs or vague spiritualism #3.
That’s it really, and yet I’ve barely ever met anyone like this. People don’t exactly advertise these traits that I’ve seen local to me.
i think #3 is your greatest limiter. i expect more people have at least some kind of spiritual / meaning-making impulse than don’t, by a large margin.
I think it really depends on the demographics of the immediate society somebody finds themself within. The presence or absence of specific spirituality or religious beliefs is really important to a lot of people and can make up a significant portion of who they are. Just as the commenter is requiring an absence of certain beliefs, there are others in the dating pool who are requiring the presence of these beliefs, and the commenter wouldn’t have a healthy relationship if they have to fake who they are to be with somebody.
For sure, it’s not good news here. Hell, I’ve been called sub-human to my face for not being spiritual by one of my friend’s partners and she stopped hanging out with us when I invite him over. She’s not even religious. All it took was mentioning I wasn’t even spiritual at a backyard BBQ when the topic came up naturally ¯\(ツ)/¯
I usually just say “I’m not superstitious” or “That’s not for me” and leave it and my level of involvement with their beliefs to my audience’s interpretation. As for your friend’s partner and your complicit friend, “Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities” - Voltaire.
I’d agree. Stats show I’ve already cut 75% off the global population with that preference alone just the religious! I’m sure it’s higher factoring in spiritual.
Similar educational and economic status and close in age. Essentially, financially independent and intelligent. However, my “single parent” status quite fairly keeps most people away. So I have given up.
An immune system capable of dealing with my pets.
Living nearby.
A positive attitude or at least a attempting to improve on things that bother them in their life.
Age.
Ugh, yeah, I can’t stand all the ageless people around me. Get on my mortal plane, gosh!
