I have 2 GOP parents, one that voted Trump originally and one that did not. Over the last 9 years, I have watched them both travel down the MAGA pipeline to become visibly fascist. The parents who taught me racism was wrong and to have empathy for others, have become openly hostile about immigrants, Muslims, and even parrot the Nazi “great replacement” theory.
Part and parcel with this, they refuse to have any discussions about the facts – like immigrants not stealing and eating people’s pets. They won’t hear it, they won’t even engage in the conversation…they just get angry and loud the second they hear anything that doesn’t fit into the Fox News narrative. Can you relate? How are you dealing with it in your relationships with your parents?
It weighs heavily on me, to say the least. It’s nearly impossible to have an even slightly tangentially political conversation with them that doesn’t leave me deeply disturbed and/or infuriated, so I pretty much avoid it altogether. Now the deepest conversation I allow is “how’s the weather” and “what are you having for dinner tonight?”, and that’s sad.
But it’s absolutely the case that engaging with them on political stuff is destructive to my psyche. And even worse, they have a way of turning otherwise entirely non-political topics into something political. These are not the people who raised me or the values they raised me with. And there’s no real logical consistency to any of it other than it’s definitely going to be in agreement with whatever the latest opinions are on Fox News and Facebook.
As a kid, the only particularly “conservative” view point they shared was on immigration. They absolutely believed the whole “Mexicans are taking our jobs” bullshit. I remember even asking them why they aren’t mad at their bosses for giving their jobs to the “Mexicans” and never getting a satisfactory answer for why that was given a pass.
And then from that one little common thread, the rest of the conservative/Republican agenda has wormed its way in. So, naturally as the conservative agenda morphed into a more fascist agenda, so have my parents’ beliefs. With age and health related mental declines, these ideals have become more cemented. These are people who will never forget or forgive Democrats for NAFTA, but also believe that Republicans wanted universal healthcare for all yet Democrats gave us Obamacare instead. They grew up growing and selling weed to make ends meet, and yet still believe it should be illegal and people deserve to be in jail for it. They have a gay kid but believe gay marriage is wrong, because the Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman, and the government shouldn’t be involved at all.
They honestly buy into the idea that police officers and pastors are infallible. If someone is arrested, it’s because they are guilty of something. No pastor would ever sexually abuse a child, they are a pastor after all. If the president says something is true, it must be true. And again, none of this is how they raised me or the ideals they expressed when I was growing up, so it’s definitely like living in some kind of bizarre reality that’s tough to come to terms with.
They believe they are part of the ‘in-group’ rather than the out-group, which they actually are. It’s the tragedy of the commoners.
the tragedy of the commoners
Did you come up with that play on words? Because it is absolutely brilliant!
These are not the people who raised me or the values they raised me with.
Agreed. The version of my parents that I loved is already dead and gone.
Agreed. The version of my parents that I loved is already dead and gone.
And Fox News killed them.
I have no hope of ever having a normal relationship with them. I avoid talking about myself, my thoughts and feelings, and just nod and bite my tongue. The world won’t change if I make them see the truth, so I’m not going to bother trying, just to bring more issues between us and risk being alienated even further.
My mother is a hard R republican and a self proclaimed Christian Nationalist and has been making excuses for the GOP since at least Nixon.
I spent about 20 some years of my life being subjected to Fox News, Limbaugh, Mike Savage, Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity every single day. It was exhausting listening to all of the unhinged screaming. While I lived with her I did not seek to find who was telling the truth because I didn’t want to know how bad it really was, and I had a pretty good idea of what she would do to me if she found out I was so much as questioning the Republican ethos. So I kept my head down and my “official” stance then was that I wasn’t into politics.
I went no contact with her because she became physically abusive 16 years post-TBI. I have not spoken to her in 7 years. From what I gather from her Facebook posts, she’s still an awful person who is also falling for all AI pictures, videos and scams that support her narrative.
I have no interest in speaking to her ever again.
who had the brain injury
I think it was his mom. TBIs tend to change personalities if they’re bad enough.
Ope sorry if I wasn’t clear; it was my mom that sustained a TBI and refused to get treatment or therapy. Always insisted everyone else had issues.
I haven’t talked to my mom since before trump even ran for president so.
You’re better off asking them questions. “what makes a person eat someone else’s pet?” or do simple definitions of what they say, as if you’re trying to understand. “so white people deserve to travel and others don’t?” (that’s a stupid example, but all of the talking points boil down to these types of statements). Apparently getting them to debate facts doesn’t work, getting them to question what they’re blindly believing, does, but I haven’t put it to practice. I want to go and get a refresher on critical thinking, so I can more easily break down, the way to properly ascertain if, what is being sold to you is truth or propaganda, and then make it into a question / statement and rather than addressing any topic, add a where did that come from, who sold you that, who profits from that, kinda thing, but I want a better statement / question than that. My parents are really similar, I have to avoid a lot of topics, I’m the black sheep of the family, I’ve always been much more earth conscious than them, it’s gotten so much worse lately. It’s the news they’re being fed. They believe it, wholeheartedly. It’s how they’ve always known what’s happening. And it’s why they’re panic buying out tiktok, currently, they (those creating the propaganda and distributing it) can’t have a narrative out there that doesn’t align with their agenda.
I deal with it pretty easily, I don’t have contact with them lol.
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If you sit at the table and have a good time with the fascists, it can’t be helped if others think you are one.
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Hating gays and minorities isn’t a political view. So jump into a piss puddle with that.
The party they vote for isn’t the biggest indicating factor here
Why are people surprised that their parents are fascists? My parents have always been obvious christian fascists with a notable amount of local influence in their cult. My dad unironically relished “arbeit macht frei” when we went to Dachau. My patrilineage is an impressive pedigree of anti-communism backed with service in American wars. My grandfather privately referred to POC as savages until his death. Perhaps my experience is more unique than I believe, but I refuse to be naive.
I have broken relations with my family in part because of all this. Also because they hate my chosen family and I won’t tolerate it. I feel no responsibility to save them or correct them. I respect their very intentional decision to be monsters and hope they can be stopped asap. They are evil. They have always been evil.
It is VERY difficult to imagine there not being glaring red flags. This may be a result of my own baggage, but I am immediately skeptical of those who are blindsided by their family’s ideology. I fear many of you who are surprised would be shocked to know my family has always known that your family would belong to the imperial cause eventually. My family is not so obtuse as to believe they are any different now than they were during Clinton, 9/11, or the Tea Party, but somehow others give their own family a pass?
I am equally skeptical of numerous cliches used by ostensibly “leftist” folks including the use of problematic language or the reduction/commodification of identities. If you ironically say “neurospicy” for example, I assume you are willing to betray disabled people for your own gain. If you use “gay” as an insult, regardless of your identity, I will see you as my enemy. Period. These times will not reward naivety.
My grandfather and his family supported Hitler and were Nazi sympathisers. He admitted to admiring Hitler on his literal death bed. My mom never denounced or condemned him for his beliefs. She is currently ignoring the fact that my grandfather was Jewish and most of his family died in concentration camps. I brought up how Nazis were upset at the game Wolfenstein. She tried to defend the literal Nazis upset at a game famouse for it’s Nazi killings.
I provided climate change proof from NASA data and she claimed it wasn’t credible because the data came from NASA. SHE PAINTED A PICTURE OF TRUMP HUGGING JESUS. In her infamous extremely bad painting style. Off topic but my son had a portrait from her. He asked us to throw it away because his portrait was giving him nightmares. Made contact with an estranged aunt and found out that literally everyone in my family hates her art because it really is just that bad. Art is subjective, but in this case please make an exception.
Turns out my mother was always a Nazi, I just didn’t notice the signs until I cut her out of my life.
Fuck… You just provided me a glimpse into my future and I do not like it.
Dang…now I kinda’ wanna’ see that art.
I’m from the UK so my answer will be mostly UK centric.
My dad has become very right-wing in recent years. He supports Reform UK, he uncritically supports everything Israel does, he thinks that refugee boats should be sunk by the Navy without regard for the lives of the people on board. He hates LGBTQ+ people and thinks same sex marriage should be outlawed. He hates Islam and Muslims, and thinks that all mosques in the UK should be shut down. He wants the death penalty to return and for it to be applied very frequently. He thinks protestors and activists should be shot and killed by the police if they cause even minor disturbance. He thinks COVID was a hoax and that the vaccines are dangerous. He thinks Trump is great, except for his stance on Russia (my dad despises Putin).
It’s very sad how far down the rabbit hole he’s gone. I always thought of my dad as an intelligent man, because he was pretty accomplished academically and was always interested in science and technology. He always put logic before dogma and emotion.
But the shit he’s been absorbing on the internet over the past 10 or so years has changed him entirely. He believes every far-right conspiracy going, and has a violent attitude towards everything, seemingly thinking that everyone that doesn’t conform to right-wing standards should be harmed.
I don’t bring up politics anymore, but if the topic does come up somehow, I will tell him why he’s talking bullshit. In my opinion, social media and online propaganda has done a serious number on the psyche of older people. They fall for every lie hook, line, and sinker. It’s made them fucking insane.
He thinks protestors and activists should be shot and killed by the police if they cause even minor disturbance.
A cold comfort, but in expressing his distaste for the current government he would be hoist by his own petard.
The worst is when you find out that they actually do know what’s going on, and have been following the news, and yet they STILL support it.
Heartbreaking.
The only answer is to cut off the access to that hateful propaganda entirely.
ITT: Really depressing stories of society’s decline into ChristoFascist mania and delusion.
What’s the cause for it? Media manipulation can’t be the only one.
The ultimate cause is an economic system which is failing to meet the needs of the majority (combined with media run by, and for the minority who the economic system does serve.)
The media’s real purpose at this point is to distract the majority from the real issues, and deflect any movement towards a real solution.
Extreme inequality, easy scapegoat, control of virtually most large media by a few oligarchs, algorithms, lack of education on recognising desinformation… they also think they’re part of the in-group rather than realising they will never be considered ‘one of them’ by the oligarchs.
The one answer is to cut off all hateful news from them, by any means possible.
Changing people’s mind is like quitting smoking. Very difficult.
What’s the cause for it?
End stage capitalism.
Don’t think it will happen to your country? Neither did most of the people in the USA.
Most people in US probably didn’t think at all.
That is not true, I had a thought last week
I don’t keep in contact with my family, but I’d have no problem telling trump supporters that they’re dumbasses straight to their faces.
Fuck you’re cool
Probably cooler than you, yeah.
My dad has always been. I went no contact for a few years during the first few months of covid. Since then we occasionally chat over signal but it’s surface level shit and I don’t really feel like trying anymore.
Talk to them. Education goes both ways: they educated you when you where an enfant, now’s your turn.
Dude I wish it were this easy but how you just explained they educated us as an infant, they still see me as an infant. There isn’t a thing I can say to make them question their billions of dollars of propaganda because I am simply younger.
I call bullshit on this. Education does not, in fact, “go both ways.”
Generally, in western society, we accept the idea that adults should be responsible for themselves, with exceptions for those who are physically or mentally unable to do so. We value principles of autonomy and personal responsibility, so we’re generally expected to do the work of educating ourselves (or paying someone for their help) in adulthood.
When a person has a child, they make a choice to be a parent and to take on the responsibility to raise that child. Of course, we know that not everyone follows through on that responsibility.
That person’s child has not been given any choice. They should not be required to take responsibility for their parent(s) just because of the accident of their birth. Many children choose to care for their parents in their old age for various reasons, usually for love or money.
As a society, we agree that we owe protection, education, and the fulfillment of needs to our children … because we choose to bring those children into the world and because we need them to perpetuate the social order we rely on.
Those children do not, when they become adults, automatically owe the same things back to the full-grown adults adults who raised them. Generally, we expect them to provide stability for their elders by contributing to the social and economic order, mostly by paying taxes and keeping infrastructure functional.
Parents are able to control aspects of their children’s lives in order to raise them in what they deem to be appropriate ways. Children don’t get “a turn” to control all of the same aspects of their parents’ lives. My mother kept me from playing video games and watching MTV as a teen because she thought it would “rot your brain.” But as much as I’d love to, I can’t keep her from watching Fox (or NewsMax, or OAN, or TBN, or whatever she’s on this week).
Some people might choose to try to reverse the effects of 20+ years of a 24-hour propaganda machine brainwashing their parents out of love or a sense of familial duty, or whatever. And that’s admirable.
But I absolutely reject the idea that it’s somehow “my turn” to “educate” 20+ years of Fox News programming out of my aging conservative parents.
Much easier said than done. Some people have a difficult time accepting that their children are adults with different opinions. My Dad still sees me as the little boy he raised, sometimes that’s nice and I treasure it. Sometimes it’s still the most frustrating thing in the world. I’m fortunate that my parents haven’t fallen down the MAGA pipeline but they’re definitely more conservative than they were 5 years ago. I couldn’t educate my Dad on anything, he just doesn’t see me that way. Mind you I don’t have to, I’m fortunate.
My point being, for some people their relationship with their parents will never go both ways but that’s okay. They’re your parents and it’s one of the relationships that rarely is symmetrical. My Dad is my father, I’m his son, and I’ve learned to accept the relationship we have (which is pretty good) rather than get upset about the few problematic beliefs he holds. For people who are not as fortunate as me, zero contact might be the answer. Sometimes it’s okay to accept things that aren’t perfect.
ha ha ha cute
This is fair.
It’s exhausting to try to have a conversation with someone who isn’t engaging in good faith.
It’s perfectly understandable if you don’t want to spend your time and energy in that way. And (as I argued at length here) it isn’t your responsibility.
Not great.
Went no contact in 2016. Was the right choice, my life blossomed without them. One of the last things my dad said to me was " guess I’m a fascist then" Still miss em tho, still not worth it to reach out. My aunt tells me however he turned on trump when his j6 crowd was yelling to hang mike pence. He would have always preferred a theocracy to a full blown white nationalist state tho.
