I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and we suspect my six-year-old daughter may have it for a lot of the same reasons you listed.

We don’t plan to have her diagnosed anytime soon, because we don’t want to put that stigma on her. We wouldn’t medicate her for it anyway.

It’s entirely possible it’s all just her being a six-year-old, so we approach her with patience and practical solutions. She lays out her school clothes the night before. We do our best to make meals interesting and varied. We have serious discussions about listening and give her gentle reminders. Her tv time is limited anyway, but we just pause it when we need to tell her something.

For my part, I don’t know if my life would have turned out better with an earlier diagnosis. The way it went, I feel like I learned some valuable coping skills. And it’s not like my diagnosis and treatment were some kind of magic fix. I still struggle with my ADHD.

A little more grace from my parents would have been nice, but they did their best and everything worked out with just a normal amount of grace.

I’m a psychologist working with my county’s equivalent of CPS.

If you have the means, get him diagnosed. ADHD medication and behaviour therapy can help a lot with small children. Look for parental training held by professionals who can teach you how to help your child and what strategies work with ADHD kids.

This is what I usually recommend to parents with ADHD kids

I was diagnosed early, around age seven. At the time, the only real coping mechanism was Ritalin and very distressed parents and teachers. It took a couple of years for my parents to relent and give me the drugs, but no real coping either. Not that I blame them, in the late 80s there wasn’t much outside of the drugs. It worked for me in school, but at a cost. No emotional output, no real friends, I was a zombie.

While I’m going on about my problems, what I want to say is that there are now better medications AND coping methods. Productivity managers, therapy, everything I wish I had as a kid. Get the kid into all of it as soon as a problem is forming and don’t be afraid to help indulge an interest.

Not much time to write a better answer, but here’s something that worked for me (for first).

My parents believed they would have restricted my life in some manners if I had an official diagnosis. Instead they put a lot of effort into telling me throughout all my childhood and youth how each person has their pluses and minuses and nobody is objectively better than the others. And they kept making sure that I understand that every humam has a right to be themself and should be proud of their good sides. This gave me a lot of coping mechanisms that have been if huge help for me! I’ve learned to circumnavigate all kinds of problems caused by ADHD, which means I’ve been able to fully take advantage of all the good things ADHD brings.

However, this also meant that I was absorbing information very efficiently and therefore never had to do my homework and got almost the best possible grades anyway. But around the age of 15 that started to seriously backfire. Not only did the school grow more difficult and my ADHD started to have an actual effectively on my learning. Learning the habit of doing my homework without any ADHD medicine was almost impossible and I would have flunked school of my teacher hadn’t said: “I’m not accepting this quitting, I’m not going to look at that paper. If someone in this school deserves to pass, then that’s you. You’re 18. I’ll offer you a beer at a bar and we’ll talk about it!”

At thenage of 24 I finally understood I had ADHD and learned the meanings of so many words (now my children want my attention; will write more later!)

Psychologists usually support early intervention. That allows the kid to immediately learn how to do things in the best way for them, instead of being forced to conform to a mold that does bot match them. If you can, an evaluation and follow up with a mental health professional would be beneficial. That would also allow the school to provide reasonable accommodation.

Also consider that having a diagnosis doesn’t mean you have to share the diagnosis with everyone (or anyone).

Looking back as a man diagnosed at a much later age I definitely think my life would have been easier if I would have been diagnosed earlier in life. My parents simply never saw the signs, or actively ignored them. It was only when I wasn’t doing well in school that they intervened, and only to improve my academic performance. I guess they didn’t want to have a child with issues. I was yelled at by teachers for always being the last one to turn in my assignment, being too messy, etc. I didn’t have many friends, was bullied and basically always felt like an unwanted outsider as a kid.

I think I would have been better off having some help improving my coping strategies from a young age. I’m not saying your kid will face the same things that I did, but if it was me, I would have liked to have some help growing up.

I’m still a (very) high functioning adult right now, but it cost me a lot of effort, stress and time to get here – a lot more than the vast majority of my peers. I still have issues that most of them simply do not even have to think about.

I’m late to the thread, and I don’t have a meme handy to offset all of the other great responses…

I will point you towards Jessica McCabe and her book How to ADHD briefly noted here:

https://sh.itjust.works/comment/19118349

Following along through her real stories of her real life really resonated with me and my real life and so many similar experiences.

https://howtoadhd.com/ https://www.ted.com/talks/jessica_mccabe_this_is_what_it_s_really_like_to_live_with_adhd_sep_2017

Diagnose and medicate - since getting through school absolutely requires it and failing school might bring with it other bad things for a kid when it comes to which people they hang out with etc.

/father of ADHD school kid

Diagnosed as an adult

My parents tried punishments and rewards to get me to do my homework. Neither worked. They never considered that I was telling the truth when I said “I can’t do that”. No matter how hard I tried, there were some simple things that I just couldn’t do. (I did get an apology as an adult when they finally had the missing information).

On the other hand, I was so good at the other subjects that I didn’t have to study or even try until I got to higher education, then I didn’t know how and failed badly.

Diagnosing early can help with getting access to medication later in life. Medication can be helpful with controlling focus, but be aware that children often don’t have the vocabulary to tell you that the medication has uncomfortable sides effects, so you’ll need to be aware of them (and consult a professional - not just a random internet person).

ADHD isn’t an attention deficit disorder, it’s an attention regulation disorder. Hyperfocus is just as common as a lack of focus, and it’s not possible to force a hyperfocus or even direct it on the correct task. It is possible to do a task that’s different from the current hyperfocus, but it takes a lot of energy.

Be aware of burnout, work with the ADHD not against it where possible, but keep in mind that sometimes things are just going to be difficult.

You seem to care, and know where to ask for help. You’ll do fine.

Edit: I would love to give you tips for how to get daily tasks done, but my partner still has to remind me to eat some days. If you ever find out, please let me know.

Get diagnosed, and if applicable, treatment ASAP. In a very loose way, early intervention can “cure” ADHD.

Children’s brains have much higher levels of neuroplasticity, and can therefore “learn” and rewire their brains’ reward systems to be similar to those of neurotypicals. There is evidence that with early intervention and treatment, this is sufficient enough that children with ADHD can grow up into adults that are well functioning enough to no longer require as much treatment/medication, if at all.

Tldr: Start the diagnosis process now, diagnosis can help your kid access support and understand themselves better and it can take a long time to get diagnosed.

I’ve added some strategies that have helped me at the bottom of my reply.

(Sorry in advance that this is kind of all over the place, I wanted to respond but I’m not the best at organising thoughts.)

For context, I was diagnosed as Autistic as a child but not diagnosed with ADHD until I was as an adult. I’m not sure what country you’re from but I’m going to be talking about UK services here because that’s what I’m most familiar with.

I wish I were diagnosed and started on medication earlier because all my life my executive dysfunction was labelled as depression which led to years of being sent round mental health professionals and crisis services who didn’t understand why the antidepressants and cbt they were giving me wasn’t helping, but when I finally got diagnosed and started on meds after years of fighting for a diagnosis, I realised a lot of the issues I was having were actually related to ADHD, not depression. It would have saved a lot of time and trauma to get that ADHD diagnosis earlier.

Getting a diagnosis can unlock the chance to access more support in education, such as an EHCP or reasonable adjustments in class and exams. (Although, it’s often an uphill battle to get these even with a diagnosis)

Also, if your kid does get diagnosed with ADHD, take the time to talk to him about it. Someone I know who got diagnosed well into adulthood told me about how they felt alienated growing up because they were always perceived as weird and naughty but didn’t know why; but looking back once they knew they were neurodivergent, they realised it wasn’t their fault, and that closure was incredibly helpful and something they wish they knew earlier.

Also, if he does get diagnosed, don’t just medicate, also learn strategies for managing the many aspects of ADHD.

I don’t have many strategies for getting daily tasks done but a few I can think of off the top of my head which I find helpful are:

• Rewarding myself before I start (it sounds silly but it helps me with getting the dopamine I need to do to start the task)
• Setting timers and scheduling movement breaks when doing work at a desk (also, keeping that space out of the room you sleep in if possible)
• Putting on a playlist of music which is a specific length and using that as a timer
• Keeping food and water next to me when sitting at my desk so it’s easier to just grab a drink/eat without breaking hyperfocus and losing motivation
• Incorporating my current hyperfixations into more boring tasks to make them more interesting for my brain
• Keeping tomorrow’s clothes right by the bed so it doesn’t take much executive function to put them on in the morning. Same with keeping my bag packed with everything I need in advance.

• Get them officially diagnosed: start looking for an appointment now!
• Decide about treatment based on science. In most cases, I believe, medication has the better outcome over non-medication; occupational therapy possibly too at that age, psychotherapy later. But they can tell you what works for that specific case.
• Educate yourself and show compassion. Ask yourself “could this be purely neurological?” before getting angry or forcing something.

During the holidays, I observed my son medicated and unmedicated. I noticed how unmedicated, he gets into all sorts of annoyances to himself even when just playing a board game with me. It’s overall not as good of an experience for himself: He is distracted and makes worse decisions, gets my mood down by tripping over water or toppling stacks of cards etc. There are many little things that add up to worse experiences. Might have a hard time getting into whatever is trending in his class, be it sports teams or trading cards.

Tripling the early diagnosis rec as that comes along with legal protections which means you have a tool to force schools to make accomodations. Medication when school starts to get hard which is probably like 3rd grade?

Therapy is good if you can afford it.

Turn things into games or be silly to overcome demand avoidance, which is easier said than done bc it tends to pop up when everyone is tired and like, the kid just needs to take a shower or brush teeth. When you get mad/frustrated is when you have to dig deep and find your silly place.

Even with medication it’s still tough tbh, though it does help a lot.

For context my wife and I both have it as does our oldest. Baby TBD but odds aren’t good lol

I would have liked my parents to have been understanding of the fact that I had anywhere from serious difficulties up to and including inability, to do things they took for granted as necessary parts of life. Unfortunately they chose the methods of constantly yelling at me, belittling me, and being utterly dismissive and respectless.

I was diagnosed at 8 and I was put on dexadrin, ritalin, concerta, and a homeopathic remedy. I built a resistance to 3 within months of starting them, and had to prove to my mom that homeopathy is bs by tossing my dose of the remedy without telling her for months and then asking her if she was still seeing a difference in my behavior, then had to explain how the placebo effect worked. I didn’t really know how to devwlop coping mechanismd until I was an adult, so my ADHD made my childhood more difficult than it needed to be.

No doctors ever told me, so when I eventually found out the root cause of ADHD symptoms when I was in my mid 20’s, dopamine getting absorbed by the brain at an increased rate so the dopamine production can’t keep up, I realized I just needed an additional source of dopamine to keep me on track. Audiobooks have been an absolute godsend in that regard for me, but other people use music or snacks. It doesn’t fix everything, but it does keep my mental health a lot more balanced, so I don’t hyperfocus or have my focus wander as extremely because I eliminate a lot of time where I don’t have enough dopamine.

I would recommend going for a diagnosis, even if it’s just so you know for sure and can look up coping strategies people are using, and potential tax benefits as well. You can always try medication as well, or even just do meds on days you need your kid to focus, and leave them unmedicated otherwise.