First, don’t tell me that the answer is just to “not bottle things up”, because that’s objectively incorrect too. Society doesn’t want you to have any negative emotions. I need to know how to not express negative emotions at all whatsoever unless I’m alone. I know it can be done because it is done in many other people on the planet.

Edit: Ok so I think one of the things I want to try doing next is ask for a med change from my psych provider.

  • rhombus@sh.itjust.works
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    11 days ago

    There’s a lot of really good advice here, I’ll just pitch in one thing I’ve been working on myself lately: mindfulness. Awareness of yourself, your surroundings, and how you feel (both emotionally and physically).

    I’ve struggled a lot with the same problem of bottling emotions up, but I often do it because I don’t even register all of the little emotional paper cuts that feed into it. It’s helped me to make it a habit of stopping and assessing myself and asking “hows does this make me feel and why?”

    Start doing that for even the little things and you’ll find it gets progressively easier to stop and assess even the bigger things. Won’t always make you feel better, but oftentimes all we need to avoid blowing up is that second of “stop and think” to make us cool off just a bit.

  • Semester3383@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    Have you tried just not exploding? Like, maybe turn your emotions off so that instead of exploding in rage you just feel a vague annoyance? It’s called alexythymia, and I highly recommend it; it makes shitty things much easier to deal with.

  • Beesbeesbees@lemmy.world
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    11 days ago

    Coping skills. It’s fine to get pissed and you may have a strong sense of justice and need to keep things even and explosions bring things back into equilibrium. A lot of “not exploding” on people can be addressed by what you do ahead of time, giving yourself escape routes, and learning new behaviors to replace explosive ones. These can be alternative activities that are incompatible or functionally just better ways to address situations.

    -Identify what happens before you explode. How do you feel, what are you thinking, is it the location, people, etc?

    -Time out from that moment until you come down from wanting to take people’s heads off.

    -Use strategies that you find to calm you down. Some people go for walks, use stress balls, fidgets, chew gum, color, play a game. I know this will vary wildly depending on your location and what’s acceptable. The point is to find some alternative for a few minutes or even during higher stress that you can do.

    -Increase activities that bring you joy. Again these don’t have to cost money and may vary depending on your interests.

  • CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org
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    12 days ago

    Society doesn’t want you to have any negative emotions. I need to know how to not express negative emotions at all whatsoever unless I’m alone.

    What about your friends or family? Particularly in some countries, it’s true that public displays of unhappiness are taboo. Less-than-totally-public displays are kind of a huge part of people’s social lives everywhere.

    • Stegget@lemmy.world
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      11 days ago

      Friends and family will either listen to a point before saying they can’t handle it, or some of them I wouldn’t bring these problems to in the first place. When I do talk, I get tired of my response being the thing they focus on instead of the source causing my frustration. I’ve attempted therapy for years with varying success; after some bad experiences I can’t trust therapists anymore. All anyone cares about is if my emotions are impacting them in a negative way, nobody actually gives a shit about how I am doing as long as they aren’t directly inconvenienced.

  • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
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    12 days ago

    The people commenting on here are unhinged. Clearly a lot of “I was treated poorly by my boss so you should deal with it too” energy.

    I saw someone imply it couldn’t be bad unless you were being physically threatened with a knife at work. Ive seen people say you should just say how you feel when you feel it, but that won’t change the main problem here which is that its not okay for a supervisor to treat people poorly.

    Nothing you change about yourself will change your supervisor. People quit managers not jobs, in most cases. It wouldnt be unreasonable to look for other work or to request a change in supervisor/team.

  • Pika@sh.itjust.works
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    12 days ago

    don’t tell me that the answer is just to “not bottle things up”

    I hate to be that guy, and believe me I was in that boat once. But the solution is to not reach the point where you are exploding from the amount bottled up.

    Humans are not meant to be stoic creatures. People have feelings, that’s called being human. You need to find someone you can trust(NOT A COWORKER), and every once and awhile vent to them about things that you aren’t able to resolve with the person that’s causing the frustration. That’s your best solution.

    Reading your replies, this seems to be more a super toxic work environment issue which I think if you fix, will resolve most of your issues. Due to this, I recommend ON-TOP of the previous recommendation, also either contacting HR about it, or if you do not feel comfortable with doing that, finding another job. You should not be being bullied by anyone let alone a manager. There are so many work policies in place in most work environments protecting you against this, and not to mention most civilized countries have laws against it.

    Being said, if you feel that it is less of a you bottle things up, and more of a you aren’t thick skinned enough to be able to handle the every day work-life without having anger issues and exploding, you may also want to look into some form of Anger management or calming technique. But honestly, it sounds like it’s a combination of the first two issues and less of an anger issue.

  • Ileftreddit@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    One of the most healthy practices you can do is to fully experience negative emotion, let it wash over you and fully occupy you, then breathe deeply and let that emotion go. Holding on to negative emotion has long term health consequences. Remember that you have no control over the world, just your own reactions to the world. I have a lot of anger that I try to let go of this way. Life has become a long series of just being shit on by everyone and everything. But what can I really do about it? Keep working and moving up the ladder to where the shit sandwiches have more bread I guess. In the meantime, I try to practice mindfulness with my emotions and breathe through them. You can use the Dune Litany Against Fear with pretty much any negative emotion.

  • hansolo@lemmy.today
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    12 days ago

    You have to do something physical. Run, do some intense workout with cardio and weights, wail on a punching bag. Maybe all 3.

    Let your brain focus on something that isn’t words in your head, and exhaust you physically, and you’ll quickly learn how inconsequential other people’s petty BS really is in the grand scheme of things.

  • Fedegenerate@lemmynsfw.com
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    12 days ago

    Journal. Let your feelings out, incrementally, in a place that you don’t feel vulnerable for doing so.

    Today co-worker did X, they’re a cunt. It annoys me because Y. Seriously, Co-worker is a dick. At the time I wish I had done Z, but Z is illegal. Nexr time I’ll try [reasonable action]

  • antlion@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    12 days ago

    You are not your thoughts, nor are you your emotions. You are the observer of those things. Somebody presses your buttons, but it is your choice whether or not those buttons fire. For example if a child said some hurtful things to you, would it have the same impact as an adult? I should hope not. What is stopping you from viewing somebody as a child, especially if they are acting like one?

    In addition to cardio, try breathing and cold water. Always breathe through your nose, even when running. Try to breathe through your nose as a cold shower takes your breath away. Or go for the full ice bath. An ice bath tells your body (the producer of anger emotions and chemicals), “hey, I’m in control here, you are not good at assessing threats”. The mind follows the breath, or the breath follows the mind.

    But if I’m being honest I’ve always had a hot temper, and what is really helping me is Lithium. It allows me to observe anger without being overwhelmed by it.

  • remon@ani.social
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    12 days ago

    Bottling things up is totally fine if it works for you. The people telling you not to do that are just projecting because they can’t do it.

        • Rekorse@sh.itjust.works
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          12 days ago

          All bottling means is that you are choosing when to deal with something. I agree it isn’t negative on its own.

          Would you argue for bottling things up indefinitely in some situations?

          • remon@ani.social
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            12 days ago

            Would you argue for bottling things up indefinitely in some situations?

            I guess. That sometimes happens by accident when you bottle something up … and then just forget about it.

  • yeehaw@lemmy.ca
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    12 days ago

    So you harbor resentment.

    Clear the air, don’t take things personally, realize other people’s emotions are out of your control and move on with life.

    Easier said than done, though.