Let’s have a lunch and learn!
I heard “rightsizing” for the first time last year.
I have no idea what knucklehead PR dumbass came up with that but it made the following layoffs even more unpalatable.
The only time I hear rightsizing is for cloud resources. I’ve never heard of it in human resources. That sucks.
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Bio break.
I don’t think I have to elaborate on that one.
I work at a school and that one gets used sometimes. A lady that helps us develop programming said it quite often and my colleagues picked it up, I don’t use it myself.
This is a gamer term. I’ve never heard it in a business environment. Even as a IT engineer.
Def all over the business world. It’s more polite than saying “okay, let’s have a 5 minute break from this meeting so everyone can piss and get some more coffee”
I’ve never heard it in a business environment. Even as a IT engineer.
My friend manages a team of engineers and TAMs for massive companies that do stuff like make airplanes and manage phone networks and you know the names. They specifically produce a toolsuite and rent out pro-serv nerds to go to mammoth DCs and show people where they fucked up their cabling and double the throughput. Like, SO nerdy.
‘bio break’ is used a few times a day.
- Its unprofessional.
- Its gross. Saying something thats basically “gonna go take a dump” is unnecessary. Personally I don’t give two shits, but not everyone is as easygoing as me. Best to keep a professional hat on at work.
I did use it at work once and a single “Dude TMI” was all it took for me to stop. Online playing an MMO as a group is casual and often used as a trigger for a group break.
At work I just say “going to step away for a bit” and that’s all that’s needed.
Lucky you, it’s all over my company.
Yeah, hate this. To everyone saying it’s not corporate: or certainly is. I did B2B work for around a hundred corps through the one I worked at and I heard it at probably 70% of them.
It’s just the company trying to control literally every part of your life. Like who gives a shit what I do on my break? That, and you can’t get an “extra” break later saying you have to pee.
I heard teachers use that term. 🤷♂️
I don’t use that, I usually just say I’m going to go grab some water but it’s better than saying “brb ima go take a wicked piss”. That being said, I’d respect the hell out of anyone who said that
I like it because it’s so vague.
A nap is pretty biological! And nobody will ask why your bio break was an hour long.
Huh. I literally only know this from the context of mmo games.
TIL where that is from
Bio break.
My friend uses that all the time.
It means a pee break, a tea break, sometimes a ‘walk rover’ break. When meetings cross that 44-min mark, it’s break time.
Thats not so much a corpo thing as a gamer thing IMO.
“AFK, Bio break” is much quicker to type.
Quicker than “brb, bathroom”?
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I like “piss” and my char just stops moving
“AFK, Bio
This is all you needed to type. Kids are too lazy to type the rest.
I never heard a gamer use “bio break” lol
Uh. It’s been used for YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARS in MMOs.
Makes sense! I haven’t played a real-time MMO since RuneScape was new! Haha
^ usually just “brb bio” or “afk bio”, or just “bio”.
Its seriously old, like, “woot” or “LFG” levels of old.
Maybe it’s an American thing, because give never heard it used on European servers
fuck. i hate this one the most.
just say “break.” let everyone else decide for themselves if it needs to be biological in nature.
Growth.
Mitigation
- bandwidth
- massage
- ping
What do you have against massages? I find them relaxing.
I don’t remember what it was exactly but someone said something along the lines of “we’ll need to massage it a bit as we roll it out” regarding a new system being implemented.
Oh god I’ve heard that one many times before as well. It’s like adult baby talk
I used to have a coworker who would also say things like “I’ll ping you after the meeting” and I’d chuckle because it sounded so stupid.
One day he asked me why I was smirking and I lied and told him “You know what ‘pinging’ means, right? It’s the act of putting a metal rod in your urethra and tapping it with a tuning fork.”
He NEVER said it again.
I always think of the
pingcommand line utility because I haven’t really used the word outside that context ever.He NEVER said [ping] again.
Alright, I’ll peg you instead!
“Tribal knowledge.”
- image: We, clan. Together, strong.
- reality: Ask Tommy if he remembers how to reset the printer
Though, I actually like this one. It’s a pretty cool phrase you can use anywhere.
wow I was not expecting to find something worthwhile in here but I will definitely be using that lol
I call this one oral tradition, it always gets a chuckle
This is normally called “institutional knowledge” which is definitely a real thing, I don’t think it’s a marketing or HR buzzword. Though, a lot of the time it somewhat trivial things those things do add up. Institutional knowledge around things like how to deal with a finicky piece of specialized hardware, or what are the right words to convince your bosses boss to pay for you to go to a conference are pretty helpful. If you have an older “individual contributor” in your company that has been there for a while and hasn’t climbed the ladder, they might be a gold mine for that kinda info (they could also just be an ass)
I don’t mind lunch and learns. I get overtime for that, AND they buy me lunch. I’m either stuck near the office for an unproductive hour I don’t get paid for, or at my desk working on the same shit I was earlier for an extra hour.
But all the bullshit buzzwords attempting to paint employees standing up for themselves as bad things are obnoxious as hell: quiet quitting and the like
Yeah… bring your own sack lunch and it’s “voluntary”, so no OT. That the lunch and learn I’m familiar with anyway.
That’s them half assing it, not a knock on the actual thing.
- Alignment
- Scalable
- Circle back
If you use these regularly I KNOW the meeting you just booked me into should have been an email.
Every meeting should be a fucking email.
I spend more time in meetings talking about the work I’m going to do, than doing the actual fucking work.
Bro I have my first “big company” job after working smaller places for over a decade. This feels so real. I’m dying.
I’m not in many meetings but when I am, I oversell and overpromise then immediately forget everything we discussed.
Just send a fucking email.
I always hated “circle back” but I did get into using it ironically for a while.
I wouldn’t actually mind “circle back” if it wasn’t just used as cover to kick the can down the road.
For me the guy who always said it was a former boss and he was good at actually circling back, but sometimes it felt more like “fuck that for now.”
“let’s just put a pin in that, and circle back to it later”
Huh why scalable? I feel like that applies to a lot of things, not just the corporate world.
I can’t remember last time I heard someone use it in a normal conversation, but in the corporate world I find it gets incredibly overused.
I guess it doesn’t bug me so much because it’s not so cringe and actually clearly communicates the point. We do in-house video editing at the company I work at, and when we talk about scaling we’re talking about making sure our processes hold when we add more and more people and increase our volume. It’s a growing company so I have to constantly talk about anticipating and buying things to make sure we don’t run into a wall with our growth.
I guess this is less pushing back and more asking what word you would rather see?
It’s fine is used properly, but management tends to use it to mean “magically gooder.”
Touch base too
FUCK touching base that one’s the worst.
Synergy
Mostly because I have never heard it used correctly in the context of a copprate speech/talk.
Does it mean the same thing in corporate as in balatro
I don’t play Balatro but from what I know about it, the game probably uses it correctly, unless it has nothing to do with, like, playing two cards that work better when used together.
In corpo speak. I’ve seen it used as a synonym for “energy.” Like after the crowd quiets down, “Wow! The synergy in the air tonight is electric!” makes me cringe so hard.
In corpo speak. I’ve seen it used as a synonym for “energy.”
Wow that’s bad. You have my pity
“Makes you feel like character”
Yes, this movie about a billionaire with severe mental issues who lost both of his parents makes me feel like I lost my parents too.
People saying something needs to be flushed out when they really want it fleshed out.
Lmao!
I’d ask if they want me to get rid of it.
I also have a colleague who refers to Apple computers as MAC, and has at least once asked for MAC addresses of some devices when what she meant was IP addresses last associated with the devices.
I suppose it could be used in the sense of a dog flushing out game for the hunters - to make something hidden visible so it can be dealt with.
My current bugbear is “guesswork,” although in my case this is in the context of the marketing bumf that my vendors and manufacturers slather their products in.
Apparently in the corporate world, the only purpose of guesswork is to “take it out of” things. Take the guesswork out of this, take the guesswork out of that. It seems at this point you are guaranteed that any time “guesswork” appears in a sentence it’s going to be preceeded or followed by it being taken out of something, as surely as U always follows Q.
Once you notice the pattern (it doesn’t take you long if you’re sitting in my seat) the lack of originality becomes deeply irritating.
Ya why don’t they just ask for a better plan, or say some part doesn’t make sense to them. “Taking the guesswork out” to me means “I’m not convinced, go do more homework and explain this better”… Why can’t people just say that.
Alright, team, let’s circle back and ensure we’re fully aligned on our north star objectives. We need to leverage synergy, engage in blue-sky thinking, and touch base on our pain points to drive mission-critical outcomes. But let’s not boil the ocean with unnecessary jargon - at the end of the day, we need to optimize our bandwidth for real, value-driven impact. If we keep moving the needle with this kind of thought leadership theater, we risk losing sight of our core competencies and drowning in a sea of meaningless buzzwords. Let’s pivot toward clear, actionable insights and sunset the overuse of strategic messaging before it becomes a blocker to true innovation. Instead of just playing the fast-follow game with every trending framework, let’s focus on original, high-impact execution that actually drives results. Thoughts?
There was a website at some point that would put up themed meeting phrases each week, with points if anyone used them and caught it. I still remember a few of them.
“I don’t want a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, I expect a pot of uranium.”
“We either play barbie or go home. I didn’t get come here today to be Skipper.”
“I don’t say we build a barbie dream house, I want use to build a barbie on ecstasy house.”
“Is this a queen alien problem? Or more of a face hugger we can ignore for a while?”
I want this to still exist
Sounds like AI slop finally found a good use.
Thanks. It hit close to home. I hate it.
I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Lol
Perfect except for ‘Thoughts?’ Instead of that it should be an appeal to the speaker’s boss: ‘Chris, do you have any builds?’
Done. 😁
Jesus fucking Christ. This was excellently written and horribly real.
Other than the lack of a “shift left” it’s just about perfect.
What’s shift left
Basically just means handling problems earlier rather than later, catching issues early instead of fixing them when they cause expensive issues.
It usually means moving tasks earlier in a workflow. You could often also just say “start early”.
There’s also “shift right”. 😄
shift right
Me commenting insteada sleeping when I have to get up in 5 hours right?
How do I delete someone else’s comment.
Thank you for reaching out. After a strategic review of available pathways, we regret to inform you that the requested course of action is not viable.
Probably ’ servant leadership’.
