Let’s have a lunch and learn!
Place I worked at some time ago made a big speech and unveiled the following company motto to a lot of confused faces: “Engagement makes awareness sustainable.”
Nice. I’ll drive alignment on this value with my directs. I’ll status you tomorrow.
I know we’re going through some growing pains, continuing our commitment to efficiency and accountability.
After a round of layoffs 😭
The term “let’s slow time this” was used for a while. I can only assume that was some corporate phrase.
when they give thier non-apology apologies.
Mitigation
- bandwidth
- massage
- ping
What do you have against massages? I find them relaxing.
I don’t remember what it was exactly but someone said something along the lines of “we’ll need to massage it a bit as we roll it out” regarding a new system being implemented.
Oh god I’ve heard that one many times before as well. It’s like adult baby talk
I used to have a coworker who would also say things like “I’ll ping you after the meeting” and I’d chuckle because it sounded so stupid.
One day he asked me why I was smirking and I lied and told him “You know what ‘pinging’ means, right? It’s the act of putting a metal rod in your urethra and tapping it with a tuning fork.”
He NEVER said it again.
He NEVER said [ping] again.
Alright, I’ll peg you instead!
I always think of the
pingcommand line utility because I haven’t really used the word outside that context ever.
Please socialise the requirement throughout your teams
Flywheel. Stop.
I don’t have a problem with the words - I have a problem with them getting appropriated and destroyed by corporates.
Collaboration. I have never worked at a single company that wanted people talking or collaborating on the work floor, or even when sharing a cubicle, let alone listen to any suggestion us peons had to offer. They keep using it as an excuse for RTO.
Referring to people, staff as resources. Nice and dehumanizing.
I’ve heard “human capital” before. The soulless fucks make others a commodity by stripping the mere mention of their existance of its humanity.
An old line manager referred to me as a resource in front of me once. I should have told her to fuck off.
Let’s take it offline
My thoughts exactly…Every time I walk by the door that says “server room.”
We are working on a new strategy
I had one retail manager who constantly kept using “moving forward” for everything. It was so freaking grating!
I hate that I’ve learned to censor myself around these soulless void-skulls by replacing “problem” with “challenge.” No, I don’t “solve problems”, because to acknowledge something as a problem is negativity we just don’t need here at Emperor Clothing Inc! I “tackle challenges”!
It’s so freaking goofy and they just eat it up. Everything needs some sort of business-positive spin or they lose their minds and think you’re not being a “team player.”
Seeing opportunities everywhere. The same underlying mechanism is at work here as with challenge: Let’s replace the word for this bad thing with a different word that means something similar but positive. And then it looks like something good! I am very smart
I’ve got a manager that’s replaced problem with “opportunity to succeed”. Well, I’ve got 99 opportunities to succeed I guess.
Streamline
I mean, yeah, but actually streamlining things is something I like. I work on helicoptersn so example:
Aircraft is broken because of a faulty component. So the maintainer has to go and sign on to our grossly over-bloated computer (which can take anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes to start up), look up the relevant illustrated parts breakdown and download it (because they’ve moved everything to the cloud from our previous local servers) which runs through our exceptionally bottle-necked security system (seriously, usually ~50-100kbps download on a 100Mbps connection), find the part, log into a different system to get the national standard number and see what type it is to find what system to look in to see if we have it, look up the part location. Look up the maintenance procedure card (which is not classified) from the same place as the manual, download it at 100kbps, figure out the operational check for the replaced component is not in the card but in a separate maintenance manual, go back into that system and download that manual, find the ops check. Try to print out both the card and the ops check from whatever printer wants to work today. Fill out a requisition form, grab the part, and now you can start the job. Basically, add approximately an hour of work to any task for this nonsense.
Streamlined: Have a standalone computer that is not connected to the internet, is regularly updated via approved external hard drive with the latest Maintenance Procedure Cards and manuals, pre-filled requisition forms (with locations) for parts, lists of consumable components (like gaskets) for each repair, connected to a standalone printer hardwired to the standalone computer. Pull up card, manual, form, and ops check and print in 5 minutes.
Finding time wasters that only serve to frustrate workers and finding ways to cut those time wasters out makes the workers and the managers happy, assuming the people doing the job want to do the job well and quickly (we all want to be here, so that describes our hangar deck).
I’m a fan of streamlining.
Like many buzzwords it’s both a legitimate good idea and a concept a lot of people with no idea what’s going on get a bug up their asses about and use to mean “shake stuff up that had been working fine on a hunch”
