Posting this because I can’t really talk to my family or whatever. I have one main friend but I don’t think she cares on a deeper level so it always just feels like I’m alone. Who do you guys turn to for help? It’s always been a struggle for me, it’s like no one is really there. It feels like I’m living the same day over and over again and I’m not contempt with my own thoughts and it’s hard for me to get over it. I’m not sure if I’m just depressed and I’m so good at hiding it or I’m just so numb to everything. I forget so much of my past and it’s so hard for me to sit with myself and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake and that’s also something I won’t get over. I can’t win things back and it’s sad to accept reality of things. Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
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I either talk to my partner, therapist, or ask online :)
That’s the neat part, no one.
But hey, you’re not alone being alone. (Sorry, I kinda like that sentence)That’s true. Me myself & I i guess
Do you have a hobby that you might be interested in that involves meeting up with others? I know for a fact that more than a few good friendships started this way.
I’m not sure :/ I guess I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it.
but I’m not the best at it.
Doesn’t matter! It’s the act of doing it that’s beneficial.
I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it
I mean, it’s a hobby. I understand the desire to be good at it, but the primary goal is to have fun.
It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.
I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.
It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.
Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.
Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.
Thanks for this. I do enjoy being alone I do but it’s so hard to distract myself sometimes when I’m alone the motivation isn’t there and I want to bed rot. I spiral in my own thoughts and it’s so hard to channel it out. I have lowkey been feeling like this for so fucking long, it was starting to get better but now it’s just downhill. I’m trying to work through it but I can’t even talk to my own family because they don’t believe in anything mental health wise. I’ve been told to shut up during panic attacks and I never been comforted the way I wanted to. I don’t know how to find new friends, it’s hard. I am 21 and I feel like at this age like everyone has their “set” and not much people go out to make new friends, I could be wrong
On your last point, I moved 5 years ago when I was 28 with no friends or family to speak of outside of online. It’s never too late. My best luck making friends have been in context. In other words, I never went to a place to specifically make friends. I met them all when I was doing other things.
The biggest change for me was joining a kickboxing gym. I’m not an athlete by any stretch, but it allowed me to gain confidence, which I quickly learned is about the most attractive trait you can have.
The only way to get better at meeting new people is to try and fail. Hopefully through some trial and error, you can find an activity you enjoy that happens to involve others rather than trying to go places to meet people.
In the US, 988 has a warm line. They get a bad rap but if you call, wait and ask for the warm line during the day, they will call back within 48 to 72 hours to talk about anything for a half hour. For when you are not in a crisis, but still need to talk. If you ever are, look up crisis numbers in your area.
I think many of us have been here before. The first thing to realize is that… you aren’t the first and won’t be the last. I’m sorry you’ve had trouble in life. I’m having trouble now too, but different… and feel there’s nobody I can really talk to about it. I have friends who are also having trouble and while we talk, the reality is that all my good wishes and time to time help doesn’t solve their problems either. In the end it’s up to them.
“Life is a struggle” isn’t just an axiom.
The first thing any lonely person can do is really learn to love spending time with themselves. It involves a lot of soul searching, exploring, learning what things in life interest them enough to explore on their own. When you accomplish that, take what you’re interested in and go find other people who are interested in it. Two people in the world who might be meant for each other, but just stay at home because they don’t want to get out there… will never ever meet.
Life is work. Friends are work. Relationships are work. If you just want to be happy alone and by yourself, guess what? Work.
This is a crossroads in your life, where you get to decide which way to go. It may seem overwhelming, but in the end it starts with one simple thing. What thing in the world makes you happy? If that’s nothing, then start with, what thing in the world makes you less sad?
Every house has a foundation. Time to build yours.
I come here.
You may notice I’m here a lot.
Same, I like this group of people on Lemmy, I’ve had interactions on here that have made me feel good about myself and quite often the reason I’m smiling.
I don’t know y’all, but I’m glad y’all are here.
You too, dumbass. You too ❤️
You are 200% ok in my books!
I feel so complete
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I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. You know, I never blame my parents for anything that they caused me to be or experience. I know it’s their first time living life, they won’t be perfect and we all live once. We all make mistakes and I forgive my father for everything he’s done to me. I grew up to disappoint him I guess so we would get into plenty of arguments (physical, verbal, etc) and it never was good. We wouldn’t talk for months and close to a year at one point and that is what really destroyed me inside. Feeling abandoned in a way. Feeling abandoned but living in the same house? Maybe I’m crazy but that’s how it felt. We are good now, we did have a fight not long ago where some rude things were said but I brushed it off and we talked not long after. But I think what haunts me is that I don’t think I can talk to him normally / look at him in the eyes for a long time without feeling fear. It saddens me. I did sign up for psychotherapy and I believe my first meeting (I think a call) is in may. I’m worried I won’t know where to begin or what to say. I tend to forget so much about my past.
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Yea I’m assuming that’s what it is to be honest. I forget so much but I know I went through much u know. It sucks so much. I’m not sure about neuro divergence but I’m going to look more into it. I’m scared I won’t be able to get over it. I don’t want to live in fear from the ones who are suppose to love me and vice versa. I can’t even maintain eye contact properly with people anymore and I feel like I’m always sorry or saying sorry to people and it’s so draining to me. I just want a break. Like I wanna be gone but not in that way. Just like gone from everything
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If you need to unload deep emotional shit, that’s for a therapist. They have clear boundaries and can be detached from the situation. As a parent of a 26 year old man who can’t function without calling his mom multiple times a day to complain about fucking everything—don’t use people close to you for that. Or if you have to, don’t do it often.
They don’t really know how to help you in most cases, but it puts your burdens them. The phrase our son’s therapist uses is to be your own tape and glue.
That said, you also probably need just mundane social interaction, too. Friends. Best bet for that is get involved with something people do together. Karaoke night, classes, biking, activism, church if religion is your thing.
If none of that works for you, try functional alcoholism. I’m not saying it’s a good idea but people have relied on that for thousands of years, and when/if it causes enduring to crash down, you’ll have court mandated sobriety groups. I hope this is clearly tongue-in-cheek, but the serious answer here is when you look around and wonder how everyone else is holding their shit together and you’re struggling, the answer is they aren’t, they are just hiding it for the most part, and until quite recently, heavy drinking was a socially acceptable form of self-medication.
TLDR: Find a hobby to distract yourself. Give yourself something to focus on that isn’t whatever is bubbling beneath the surface that you have no outlet for. Get some therapy so that you do have an outlet for that stuff because it’s not kind to lay heavy stuff at others’ feet.
It’s sad to hear you complain about your son like that but at the same time my younger sibling is exactly that person😭 I almost though you were my parent
I love him, but we have three other kids (one of whom is autistic with severe anxiety) and jobs and parents and siblings. And he just wants to talk about how hopeless everything is or how his anxiety attacks are actually heart issues that no one is willing to take seriously to detect the problem, or he literally won’t talk at all and just wants someone on the phone in case he suddenly dies. (He’s had physical workups several times and nothing is found, but the reality is everyone has to go sometime and sometimes it’s a freak thing. That’s just life.)
It’s fucking exhausting and there just isn’t enough to give no matter how hard we try. Even when we are literally killing ourselves or getting reamed by bosses because of the constant calls at work or having to go get our 15 year old out of school at least one a week, it’s not enough.
I’m going to be honest, I’m only fifty and I’m not afraid of death because it will be a fucking relief some day, and everyone can just find a way to fucking deal without us.
Anyway that’s my rant. I’m sorry about your brother. One thing I can see with my own eyes is that sometimes it’s hardest on the person who can keep their shit together and has to because it’s always chaos and there just isn’t room for anyone else to fall apart EVER. So mate, I hope that isn’t you. And if it is I hope you recognize that you need help too and that’s okay. No one gets a free ride in life. We all have shit to deal with, however well we keep it together for others. Good luck!
I’m gonna save this to reply on the computer, hard to read and reply on mobile!
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You saw where I said it was a bad idea and not to take it seriously right? It’s just a fact that this WAS the solution for too many people for too many years. And super unhealthy as it was, it’s how people coped until their either died or fell apart.
I get you don’t see the humor in it, and that’s okay. I even called it alcoholism which anyone can recognize is a bad thing, right? I didn’t suggest having a little alcohol to loosen up or to numb those feelings, I went straight to you can always just fucking make things even worse.
But also, in the past people drank heavily as a coping mechanism for all kinds of physical and mental pain. It was a BAD mechanism, but it’s how people hid their pain without dealing with it. It’s why people think their parents were so good at dealing with difficult times. They weren’t, they were just covering it up with alcohol and they got lucky through selection bias.
Is that sufficiently direct? Sorry to ruffle your feathers, mate. My father and son are both in recovery. Dark humor is how I deal sometimes.
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The big difference is I am 50 years old and have dealt with this shit my entire life.
Me, too. And I feel like you think I’m not allowed the same authenticity in how I deal with that subject, but I disagree. A very serious lecture is fine but it isn’t the only way to communicate a point.
To me, even joking about self medicating with booze when someone is reaching out for help is exceptionally offensive.
You are certainly allowed to be offended but I rather think you are missing the point.
I can appreciate your point if view but I would really ask you to consider the seriousness of things as opposed to the levity of them when it comes to another human’s well being.
Whoever said jokes aren’t serious? You’re old enough to appreciate Carlin, Pryor. They made careers joking about serious things. I joke about serious things all the time. It lightens the tension and makes serious subjects a little more palatable. It feels less like a lecture and more like friendly advice. Advice that was very clearly and openly stated not to turn to alcohol to the point that I thought it might be rather tedious to belabor such an obvious point.
I’m very sorry that my manner offends you, and that should preclude reasonable conversation on a subject about which we both agree. However, I completely disagree that your emotional reaction must dictate the one true way to talk about this subject. By all means, share your advice and experience, but kindly leave me out of it.
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I’m not offended. At all. I understand, this is a trigger point for you. You can’t look past your own experience and that’s unfortunate. You also confuse your experience with authority. In fact, being a self-important authoritarian is about the most American thing you could do right now. (I have no idea what you were trying to say there? That exclusively Americans can use humor on serious subjects?)
I’m going to do us both a favor and ensure we don’t have this conversation again. Have a good day. Congratulations on sobriety. That’s a huge accomplishment and I don’t have to like you to respect that.
Nicole
I moved five countries over so I don’t have to talk to or see my family. I used to sail away so that I don’t have to talk to, or even see other people.
Right now I’m in-between boats and trying out camping to get away from people instead. Also, the dogs like it more than sailing. Having to dinghy to shore for pee breaks gets tiring real fast.
that’s also something I won’t get over
This is a tell tale sign of depression; the feeling that there is no “better” ahead. I could tell you there is but it might be hard to believe.
In my situation, I have a person by my side always who I trust completely. So I have somebody to help keep my head and memory clear… and I still get depressed sometimes. Hang in there.
No where. There’s only so many times I can be ignored and be okay with it, or have my hand slapped when I reach out.
Find a therapist. Online therapy can be affordable and accessible.
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Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
Don’t feel sorry.
Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.
As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)
I did for a bit and then stopped. I will try to continue with that. It did feel good
