Basically, sometimes when I talk to peoples, they shutdown. For instance, this morning I was discussing with one of my professor (PhD) and he said that people (researchers) who where gathering data “on the field” where not real researchers and that to be a “real” researcher you need to spend your life at a table with pen & paper. I tried to demonstrate that his pov was wrong using the example of AI, but when I had finish my last sentence, he just sat down, looked into the void for 5min and then started to use is computer as if nothing had happen. But the thing is, this kind of things happen to me all the time, I talk to people, ask them stuff and they “break”. Is there a way to fix them ? How are you dealing with this kind of situations ?

  • electricyarn@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    If it happens all the time it’s probably something you are doing. Like over explaining, or talking down to them.

  • hendrik@palaver.p3x.deEnglish
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    12 days ago

    Difficult to tell. Maybe you monologue too much? I mean I sometimes find myself in situations where people talk a lot. And some of them don’t even breathe in between sentences… So there is no chance to interject, or ask follow up questions or tell them to slow down or speed up. And at some point you’re just lost and you can’t change anything, so you just sit there and wait until it’s over… I’m not sure if this is the case here. But it’s usually a good idea to make a pause every now and then and look the other person in the eyes. See if they follow, are comfortable… Maybe phrase something as a question if you can’t tell… But I suppose there are more dynamics than just that. And reasons for someone to mentally disengage during a conversation. Best thing I found is to ask close friends who know you and aren’t afraid to tell the truth. They might know. Or do a professional course on presenting or talking. These courses sometimes are part of some curriculum. Or something like business coaching. I’ve had to do a brief presentation and got very direct feedback concerning the way I talk, take pauses, how easy it is to listen to me and what kind of weird things I do with my hands while speaking…

  • FourPacketsOfPeanuts@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    Have you tried talking in only short amounts that require a response? That could narrow down the specific thing that made them not want to respond. If this is happening all the time with all sorts of people that’s unusual. In your example it’s hard to tell if they were overwhelmed with your talking style or if you offended them or if you missed all signs they were uncomfortable and they felt entitled to be rude to you (without saying) or if you just happen to be encountering people who feel that’s an ok thing to do and it doesn’t really have anything specifically to do with you. Lots of possibilities.

  • colonelp4nic@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    Broadly, a person can only control their reactions to situations; they can’t control others. It’s part of establishing healthy boundaries. Your scenario would be an excellent topic to bring up in therapy because it’s a real and recurring issue that probably has a lot of interesting depth to explore

  • Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works
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    12 days ago

    Hard to tell exactly, but if you want to be more convincing and engaging in these kinds of discussions I would suggest a couple of things. I’m not an expert here by any means though so take with a grain of salt:

    Give up trying to convince someone to your side in one conversation. The most you can hope to do is plant a seed for further reflection that may eventually lead to the person changing their mind but don’t even count on that.

    Try not to come into the conversation assuming you are right. It can influence the way you talk, makes you less engaging and more easy to dismiss because it can be annoying for people. Try to see it as an opportunity to test and refine your own views, that’s something you can control and an outcome you can benefit from regardless of the other person.

    In that spirit, spend time upfront asking questions and understanding the other person’s point of view even if it seems obvious at first. This is a good time to find the areas you both agree on which is going to be really important. Emphasise the areas you agree on and express your agreement whenever you can.

    Once you have a good understanding of the person’s position and the areas of agreement, you can start using those areas as a foundation to start building the case for your side. Don’t push too hard, express your views and ask for their opinion, ask them about what they disagree with specifically and listen.

    That’s all the generic advice I have really, just try to frame it in your mind as a chance to understand why someone might think the way they do and what you might be wrong about and you won’t leave disappointed. If they’re not willing to engage at all though, best to just move on and not push.