I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.

  • utopiah@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    As you seem curious about the opinion of others I suggest reading research literature on the topic as it is probably better structured than a list of anecdotes from complete strangers. That being said in here at least you can dig deeper by asking questions back.

    Anyway there is a field called the science of happiness that aggregates research in psychology, cognitive science, behavior science, economy, political economy, etc on what makes most people happy. Within this there are papers on relationships, family and raising kids. I warmly suggest reading on the topic. Last time I did read on it, which was a bit more than 5 years ago, one could roughly summarize that raising children brings for most people higher highs and lower lows. If your kid brings you a beautiful drawing from school, no matter how “ugly” it might look, you will be so proud it will brighten your day. On the other hand if they break their leg while cycling, you will feel even worst that if you broke your own leg. So… on average people feel about as happy with and without kids BUT the way they feel can be more intense.

    I warmly recommend https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/ and https://www.drlauriesantos.com/happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos-podcast to discover more on the topic. Specifically in your case https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/parenting_family

  • D8lineContentCre8or@lemm.ee
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    12 days ago

    I sort of thought that I didn’t want kids even though I was married and finances would not be a problem. And then I had a kid, and it is the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my entire life.

  • Zos_Kia@lemmynsfw.com
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    11 days ago

    I have one kid. Don’t really want a second one. No fucking regrets he’s a swell dude, he’s smart as fuck and has a gentle heart that just warms my soul. Also thanks to modern schooling he’s got some amazing psychological skills like identifying his and others’ emotions, processing them before reacting, etc… Coming from a stupid family that’s shit i learned to do in my 30s and he was already working on it at 3. That’s stuff he won’t need to power through with weed and alcohol in his 20s i guess.

    Sure the world is considerably more shit now than it was when he was born, which is dumb because he’s only 6. But hey the world was shit before and every time period brings its own brand of anxiety and uncertainty. With kids you learn to take things day by day and not dwell so much on what you don’t control. You have to accept the universe on its own terms, that’s the whole point of psychological and philosophical integration after all.

  • viking@infosec.pub
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    12 days ago

    Never liked kids, never liked the idea of having kids. I have a miniscule noise tolerance, and being around them for just a few hours completely exhausts my social batteries.

    After meeting my nieces I need a full day to recover, so I wouldn’t expose myself to the same thing at home on a near constant basis, plus I love the freedom to be as spontaneous as I want to be.

    Got sterilized in my 20s, now I’m in my 40s. Zero regrets, best decision of my life.

  • monkeymoomoo10@lemmy.world
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    12 days ago

    I’m female. Hell. Fucking no. Pregnancy and childbirth sound awful and I have zero interest in babies, children, or taking care of something that might grow to hate me. Too much societal stereotypical expectation as the mom. I understand today parenting is a lot more fair and equal but I would still be giving up my body and time for feeding, among other things.

    But I’ve genuinely had to ask myself if I was a male? Would I want kids… I think one of the biggest turn offs is literally the female pregnancy/birth part. If I didn’t have to carry and give birth to a child? Maybe?

    I understand adoption would still be a thing but I still think as a female I’d carry responsibility that I don’t want.

    I’ve never had a desire to be around kids or babies and the screaming and crying sets me off when I’m in the vicinity. Then the teenage mood swings? I can’t fathom.

    Overall I’m a hard no.

    • PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca
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      12 days ago

      I have no idea why why any woman would want to get pregnant. It looks like an absolute terrible experience all around, and that’s not even accounting for the safety risks and the long term health reprocustions.

      • ChexMax@lemmy.world
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        12 days ago

        Some women say they enjoy it which I cannot really fathom. I did not care for it. As for why the woman would want to get pregnant though… I mean that’s about having a kid, not about being pregnant, isn’t it?

        And also not to be crass, but haven’t you ever had sex that’s so good in that moment you and your body genuinely want to get pregnant?

  • kiwifoxtrot@lemmy.world
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    11 days ago

    No kids and will not have kids. I have nieces and nephews that I enjoy spending time with and they satisfy any desire I might have. I have an uncle and aunt that are 85 and don’t look a day over 65. They never had kids and are some of the happiest and healthiest people I know.

  • Samsy@lemmy.ml
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    12 days ago

    I have 4 kids, and there could be more in the future, because my wife force this more than me. I always said it’s her decision.

  • PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca
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    12 days ago

    I have a kid. My wife wanted one but I didn’t, and I agreed because I didn’t want to lose her.

    I love my kid, but to call it a huge lifestyle change is a monumental understatement. I’m happy with my life, but it could have gone the other way, and that wouldn’t have been fair to anyone. There are certainly a lot of things I miss from before, but I couldn’t go back now.

    Don’t let anyone else convince you to have a kid, and don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince your spouse. This really needs to be something you want for yourself, or there is a good chance you’ll end up miserable and your child will grow up in a broken home.

    If you can’t make to your mind before your age make it too risky for your comfort, then just understand that you have made a decision, and you’ll need to come to terms with that, should it come to pass.

  • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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    11 days ago

    Have kids. The only regret is the world we brought them into. Wouldn’t trade them for anything. But we have many fears about tjeir future. We still thought the world could be saved with recycling and buying efficient cars. Dubya was an anomaly. Things would return to their boring 1990’s progression. Not anymore.

    Climate change is essentially unstoppable at this point, the only choices are how bad it will be. Politics globally seem to be shifting to right wing populism, nationalism, fascism. Good luck if your kids aren’t straight, white males. Economically the system stopped making sense. Worthless companies worth billions. Billionaires with private space programs. A new gilded age with widening disparity. Companies literally paying homage to the new “king” hoping for some kind of investiture or favor.

  • SpikesOtherDog@ani.social
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    12 days ago

    I have kids. I said I wanted them until it really hit home how much work it was. I didn’t shy from the work though, and had 2 more. Now they are close to becoming adults and we are bonding over so many things. I would never do it again without them.

  • HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone
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    12 days ago

    no kids, do not want kids. I can hear the feral beast within my soul howling for mortal progeny to raise, but you can actually just set that to mute. its really easy

    • CaptKoala@lemmy.ml
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      12 days ago

      I can’t reach the mute button, managed to get the volume just low enough I can only hear it in the quiet times.

  • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
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    12 days ago

    I got snipped in my 30s before having any kids. I have numerous physical and mental issues that I didn’t really care to pass down. Before I was married, I did date a couple women in my past who did have kids, so I’m not opposed to that side of it. At this point, in my mid 40s, adopting seems fairly unlikely.

    I don’t worry about or miss anything specifically. We have plenty of nieces and nephews (and now some great- ones on my side since my younger stepsister and her son had kids quite young) that I can spoil.

    I do somewhat worry about setting up proper care for us as we get older, particularly my wife who will almost certainly outlive me by a bigger margin, but having kids wouldn’t guarantee that or anything anyway, particularly with the ratrace that is the current Japanese job market and culture.

  • Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    12 days ago

    I’m nearing an age where it’s not going to be physically possible for me to have my own soon, and my overwhelming feeling is ‘good.’ I never wanted to get pregnant and was always told I’d change my mind. Well, if I do, it’s going to be when I’m at an age where I’m far too old for it to matter anyway, lol.