To keep it short: my ex-wife cheated on me with this guy, we divorced, she married him immediately after. Since January we’ve been co-parenting, she has our son (14 years old) for 2 weeks & I have him for 2 weeks. Her now husband is wealthy, and for the winter holidays they plan on going to the Maldives for 3 weeks (I agreed to give up 1 week of my 2 weeks; gonna get +1 week with son after the vacation). Apparently son has been asking his mom and stepdad if I can come as well. So ex-wife calls me and asks me if I’d like to go, all expenses paid by them, just to be with our son and have some fun - and let’s “put all the bad blood behind”. I told her I’ll think about it, but honestly I don’t think I’d feel comfortable. At the same time going would make son extremely happy obviously. Idk.
There is no way you should do this. Not only are you clearly having reservations to begin with, but you need to keep your dignity intact, too. The whole affair is just going to be rubbed in your face. You deserve better than that.
While your ex may be coming from a ‘good place’ she shouldn’t have asked, out of respect.
Your kid has feelings about the divorce but he’s going to have to adapt to this new reality that your ex chose for him
This comment really just hits every nail on the head for me. It could be that the ex is feeling bad for what happened, but wants to divert the blame/bad feelings onto OP.
It’s also rich to me when the cheating partner is ready to “put all the bad blood behind them” as if they don’t want to live in the stink of what they did any more. They’re happy now, why can’t you also be happy with them? Etc etc. As if they didn’t blow up everyone’s life with their choices.
One downside here is the kid is going to be told, at least as far as he can understand it, that daddy didn’t want to go. And the kid, not understanding the nuance of the situation, won’t understand that it’s because mommy fucked up their relationship.
If it were me, I’d go and do my best to enjoy the trip. Babysitting duty doesn’t sound so bad when it’s your own kid and you get to share travel experiences with them.
I lived through this one, as a kid. It sucks all around. I’m now older than my parents when they split, and have an assload of insight into the matter. I carefully watched the whole thing unfold over 25 years, before I was out of the ordeal, living on my own, and away from watching the two people I cared about most be nothing but complete shitbags to one another.
Oh how wonderful, maybe at one point they can sit around the campfire, eat smores, and sing kumbaya