So I used to run a successful construction business but last year an accident happened during an assignment & not only did the business go bankrupt but also went into huge debt from all the legal stuff I had to pay off. Sold house, sold cars, sold everything valuable. Now I have a day job which doesn’t pay super well. I have a son and I feel like I’m letting him down, even though he’d never admit it; on the contrary, he always comforts me & tells me he’s happy with what we have. I basically cut off all of my personal expenses to spend the money on him. I feel so bad everyday.
I’m firmly in your boat, except I was never rich to begin with or had any kind of financial success. My son loathes me because I can’t afford the things he wants. As a family we try to focus on things that don’t have to cost a lot of money, but it falls on deaf ears for him.
I can only hope it’s puberty wreaking havoc, but so far he’s making it clear that we’ve failed him as parents because his material needs aren’t met to his standard.
Hopefully it’s just a combination of puberty stress and misplaced teenage FOMO. If you’re doing your best with what you have, that’s all you can do, and hope that he learns to appreciate that in time.
That’s the approach we’re trying to take. He has a psych appointment today as well. I only hope he “gets” it before he does something really damaging.
Apart from that I constantly offer to hang out, play games with him or whatnot (he used to love playing Subnautica together) but nothing seems to interest him at all. As someone who also suffered a lot at that age, it pains me so much to seem him go through similar and getting thrown so many helplines and not taking a single one. I would’ve moved heaven & earth back then for even one of them.
My parents have always been well-off. At christmas, us kids would get like $1500 worth of toys and junk. each of us like 10-15 presents. I remember a few of them, but you know how much I would have given to hang out with my dad playing video games? All of those presents, from every christmas. He never had time for me, time for us. He was too busy trying to make as much money as he could. It rotted his brain. He truly believes that a persons worth is determined by the numbers in their bank account. So I guess I’ll always be a failure to him. I don’t speak to him anymore.
Keep offering to hang out.
I will, thanks! No matter how long it takes, I will never give up on him.
It sounds like you are doing your best to connect with him (I’d have loved for my parents to take an interest in my hobbies back when I was a teen), but not all kids take the stresses of going through adolescence the same way.
… And they’re very influenced by other kids, so if his friend circle puts emphasis on material things, it might be that he feels like he’s struggling to keep up with them or is actually feeling FOMO, and is taking that out on you.
Either way, best thing you can do is to keep extending that olive branch to him. Perhaps try to see if there’s any other hobbies he has that you might be able to connect with him over?