What’s your relationship like with your grandparents?
My grandma passed last weeek. I’ve been thinking about my relationship with her and my other grandparents. My family and I visit them on holidays and they were nice enough. But I don’t feel like I knew my grandma or know my other grandparents.
I think my family is weird maybe? Idk it’s the only one I know lol. We’d talk about tv and movies we’ve watched recently. What they watched. Tell the grandparents what was going on in our lives. Ask about what was going in grandma and grandpas life. Mostly get answers like “same old same old”, tales of doctor visits, or NCIS.
But like who are they as people? What were dreams when they were young? what adventures have they been on? what sparks joy in their life? What struggles have been through?
Like if I had to describe my grandmother I’d say she was a nice, pleasant lady who was mostly kind and liked cats, but not enough to get her own, just fed the neighbors cat. A description a stranger could give after meeting her talking for a bit maybe.
Looking back at my relationship with my grandparents, it all feels surface level. I never shared any of the hard shit I was dealing with, never really vulnerable around them. They were never vulnerable around me.
I don’t know many details of their life beyond career, maybe the places they’ve lived, pets they’ve owned.
Maybe that’s a reflection on my parents. We were never really vulnerable with each other about stuff, when someone was it was often mocked. My parents were not good parents a lot of the time. Who knows maybe that’s a result of their parents?
But umm yeah, Lemmy what’s your relationship like with your grandparents? Are you real close? Do you know them well, or more like a coworker you enjoy occasionally small talking with? Or rotten shitbags? I wish I knew my grandma better.
Three died before I was born or old enough to remember. The fourth was basically no relationship once I became an adult because I am not close with extended family that has always lived half a country away from me. She died during the pan, saving me from having to disappoint my mother by skipping her funeral.
I love my now only living grandmother. She is a friend to all of her grandchildren.
When my other grandparents were alive (and I was a child/teenager) our relationships were mostly formal.
I’ve only talked (video call) to my grandparents once after the war started two years ago. The first second was already tense and the last was infinitely worse. I hoped that they would have known better than to believe everything that they saw on TV.
Well, most of them are fairly dead, so…
It kinda varies, for me.
My biological grandfather and step-grandmother were my closest, but it was mainly with her, and I didn’t realize it until she passed. I could tell so many stories about that woman, both from after my birth and well before it. Honestly, the further I accept myself, the more I realize she has always been my go-to for the woman I aspire to be.
My biological grandmother is a narcissistic piece of shit who I will never speak to again, if I can help it, and my step-grandfather along with her. When I was younger, I thought it was healthy, until I realized that what was happening was I was getting toys and shinies shoved at me so I’d look to her as a provider and ignore her shitty comments towards everyone else.
He’s not much better. He can’t handle not having control, but also hates showing it, so he acts like a passive-aggresive bully until he gets his way and when confronted on it shrugs and goes “Who I am. Don’t like it, go” then throws a tantrum when you do.
it got weird cuz my grandmother was the ‘whore’ who broke up my wifes grandparents
Sounds like a very insular community…
It was going great until they all died years ago.
I’m sorry you lost your grandma. Maybe talk to your parents about who she was and ask them to share some memories? I feel like i was pretty close with mine, and i think my kids know a lot about theirs, either from conversations with them or from things we’ve shared.
Supernatural
All my grandparents are dead but when they where alive we did the usual thing which was meeting few times a year. On top of that I used to call them at least once a month and we’ve talked about everything and nothing, usual small talk. The interesting part is that I got a lot of insights between the lines and I had a pretty good idea how my grandparent were in their early years.
If you want a better relationship with your grandparents, call them every now and there or visit them and have a casual conversation. After a while you will know them way better. And if you’re not comfortable with what they say, just let it slide. Old people are known for not giving a crap about political correctness.
I’m older now, but basically my maternal grandparents used to have us as kids nearly every weekend over at their place. They’ve lived a five minute walk away from us, which is a big thing on the edge of downtown of a big city. My paternal grandparents used to live on the other side of the city and we saw them once or twice a year maybe.
Now that I have my own kids: the maternal great grandparents and the grandma live a five hour ride away. We visit them once a year. They never visit us. The grandpa is an idiot and zero contact.
The paternal grams (my mother) tries to visit as often as she can. Which is not a lot, because she’s anxious about overseas travel. Grandpa is dead.
Basically my children will be growing up without knowing a fun, strong grandfather figure, while I had at least one growing up. And they’ll only be seeing their grandmothers once a year each. While I had the caring and wise words of mine all the way into my young adulthood.
The image of a nuclear family for me was always siblings, parents, grandparents all the way until my father died in my twenties, and then it kinda broke apart. I cared less about my relationship with my grandparents back then, and by the time I came to my senses it was too late. Either death or dementia has taken them. I don’t plan on repeating the same mistakes with my mother, who is nearing 70 now.
over
You need to put effort in to get to know your grandparents. I was fortunate to have one grandmother who lived to 93 and had her wits about her the whole time. My other 3 grandparents died before I graduated high school, but her I knew til I was in my 30s. I had a chance to visit her quite a few times on my own so it was just the two of us, and got to know her pretty well.
Never met one in my life, so can’t tell ya really.
All but one has passed and the one remaining is kind if rocky now that my parents have poisoned the relationship with talk of hope manipulative and toxic my partner is for enforcing such awful things like limited screen time and bathing regularly to my child.
