So. Without trauma dumping, I’ll simply say my dad is a bad dad. What’s a father’s day gift that says “you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay”?
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Sixpack of beer? (Optionally alcohol-free, if his bad behavior is related to alcohol abuse.)
That would be especially funny because he’s Mormon, and he’s very upset I’m not.
Copy of the south park episode on Mormons?
A “Moroni is full of bologna” T-shirt?
you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay
To me it sounds like you’re looking for drama
This
“World’s Best Dad” mug with the word “Best” crossed out?
My wife suggested “number one sad” with a card explaining that he was, in fact, my first dad lol
Some kind of random stuff from the drug store or discount store. Just a “I put minimal expense and effort into getting this.”
Yeah I’ve thought about just doing a few candy bars or something. I think the sunk cost fallacy has kicked in, so I almost want to go higher effort but bad lol
A shit candy bar, some random tube socks, and off-brand hair growth meds
Lol I love it
Football merch in his least favorite team.
Hey that would be easy, he hates football!
Buffalo Bills it is!
You go no contact.
The end.
Off-brand scented candle set.
It says I don’t know you at all, but here’s your present.
Ooh I like this. Especially since he hates strong smells.
Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.
Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.
It’s also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.
I’m sorry to say that I’m speaking from personal experience.
Hm… I wonder if Walmart still has watermelon scented candles. “But dad, it smells just like summer!”
Oh my gosh I had those! They did actually smell good with a quick sniff, but I hated them so much I threw out the rest.
Yeah my wife loved the smell in the aisle, but it got old really fast at home lol
As a bonus, with those cheap candles there’s a decent chance burning them fills his house with toxicity.
Just like him!
Is it wrong to save your money and get nothing? Maybe a card with just your name?
I totally would but he’d throw a whole fit lol. Maybe for his birthday in a few months…
Ugly socks?
Honestly that’s kind of what I’m thinking. Then he has to store them, and he’d feel like he had to wear them at least once. Just a little upsetting for him.
The most boring father’s day greeting card you can find and a fiver.
Edit: actually, don’t spend the money on him, send him an electronic greeting card, equally boring, and donate, in his name, to a charity he’d hate.
A gift card with just a few cents left on it.
It would be beautiful to donate to the local pride center in his name and just watch him seethe. That’s such a perfect idea, since if he actually voices a complaint, he knows it makes him the asshole.
I saw you mentioned mornonism in a separate comment, if it’s in Utah, that makes it even better.
Dead fish 🐟
A “World’s Okayest Dad” mug.
Alternatively, a certificate for a free vasectomy.
What about a difficult plant to maintain? Maybe a cactus or something? So he has to make an effort keep it alive, or slowly watch it die, like the relationship he has with you
But then the plant would die :(
Hm… getting him more work, I love it.
A mimosa is excellent for this purpose. And it’s pretty too.
Low value gift card from a local dinner place. So he has to go there to use it and then it’s only like 10 dollars and he has to fork over the rest.
Pure evil.
Make it 20. 10 is too obvious a slight to any onlooker. 20 still won’t cover most mains post-covid after tax and tip (depends on your region and the restaurant of course).
Yeah, I think something like 15 would be the perfect “fuck you” amount for something beyond Starbucks and fast food. Enough to make it worth going, but only really enough for an appetizer.
Or be really horrible and just take one of the 50 or 100 ones for a decent restaurant, and just don’t get it activated. He won’t find out until they try to run it, I think.
This might be the most horrible idea I’ve ever had.
Then he might not understand that it was on purpose. Get one for 50, have dinner there yourself for around 45 and give him the card with the few residual bucks.
This.
Nothing says “I have fulfilled my social obligation, but I don’t give a shit about you” more than a low value giftcard for somewhere generic.
Alternatively, give him a halfway decent gift and feel better about yourself for not continuing the cycle of neglect, even when he won’t appreciate it. We can make the world better, even for those of us that don’t deserve it, and considering how to make it a better place as opposed to how to get back at the people who make it a worse one is just a better use of our time and energy.
Besides, at the end of the day, truly awful people already live with the worst punishment so could imagine: having to wake up every morning and continue being themselves.
same thing I always give: no contact
it’s more of a treat for myself, really. fuck him
That’s the goal. There’s some drama right now that makes that really hard, but within a couple years that’s where we’re headed.
best of luck. it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
there comes a point where you realize you haven’t thought about them in months and it’s delightful. Hang in there!
